


Part 1

by Ultimate_Nerd_Lady



Series: Stars Align for Connections [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, I read a long Gir character analysis, Membrane is a bastard dad, Resisty shenanigans, Time to embarrass myself, theres a Coraline crossover in here cause Halloween and why not, zim redemption arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2020-09-07 23:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 82,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimate_Nerd_Lady/pseuds/Ultimate_Nerd_Lady
Summary: Of anime conventions, and found family, and loud annoying little aliens.





	1. Episode 1: The Weebening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is an oc fic. I include a bunch of ocs. I’m kinda writing it on a dare. But hey. Fuck cringe culture.

The paranormal was a science in it of itself to Dib Membrane. There was a whole world of possibility, that everyone just seemed to close their eyes to, but he saw it. It was incredible what you could uncover if you just looked and he was always looking, always discovering something more fantastic than the last.

So why was a convention for something as amazing as paranormal science being held at the same place and time as an anime convention?!

“Are you serious? I scheduled the room and everything!” He complained to the man behind the desk.

“Yeah. And so did someone else, kid.” The man said.

“How were you able to-“ he was interrupted by the man typing something out obnoxiously loud on the computer “How were you able to mix it up?!”

“Mm... you’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Well, can you move me to an empty room?” He reasoned.

“Nope. They’re all taken. Just share your room kid.”

“I can’t be sharing my room! I have to set up my monitors to check the spy cameras on Zims home! Uh, Zim is an alien. I constantly stop his evil plans so-“

The loud typing on the computer started again.

“Ugh. Fine. I’ll just... leave a negative review! Ha!” With his... possible victory assured he made his way to the hotel room and... he forgot the key. Okay so after going back downstairs getting a room key and coming back up he opened the door to the hotel room “Hey! Just so you know, I’m a professional paranormal investigator! So I will be using this room to its fullest! Got it?”

He looked to see a girl dressed in pink and black looking up from a TV set playing... some really huge fight. She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Dib Membrane! A paranormal investigator?”

“Oooooooh, you’re one of the tinfoil hat guys who came here.” She raised a finger “Wait. You’re my roommate? Darn it!”

“What do you mean tinfoil hats? Those aren’t anywhere close to as strong as everyone says!” Dib countered “And... Wait! That was mockery wasn’t it?”

The girl only responded by studying him with curious eyes... before finally saying something “How can you believe in all that stuff?”

“Ugh!” Dib crossed his arms as he got out his computer and plugged it in before turning it away. His feeds of Zims house were working like usual... good. “Well whatever you have to say, save it. I’m quite used to people insulting my line of work.”

“... I think you’re my age.” The girl commented “What line of work do you have? Head increasing formulas?”

“My heads not that big!” He shouted “I told you I’m a paranormal investigator!”

She snorted laughing, which he greeted with a glare, so she shrugged and looked back to the tv.

“I’m Leona by the way.”

“... Dib.” He exchanged.

“Dibs? Like the ice cream?”

“Oh my god!”

> * * *

It was getting... late to say the least. Dib looked to the other bed where his annoying roommate was finally asleep after watching that nonsensical show all day. He was starting to get tired too to be honest but... just another minute. In case Zim did something!

He was greeted by Zims robot dog coming, seeing his camera... and putting a bowl on top of it. Diabolical! The bowl was all it took to hide the alien from his sight!

“You may have won this one Zim... or more accurately Zims robot dog but-“ 

The bowl was then lifted and Dib realized all the lawn gnomes no longer had hats.

“What does this mean? What does it-“

The robot then started taking the hats and eating them.

“Okay, so I guess this plan involves-“

“What are you looking at?”

“Gah!” He realized Leona was out of bed and leaning over the computer “When did you get there?!”

“I came over after you woke me up screaming.” She said matter of fact voice “Is that a game?”

“No it’s not a game!” Dib shouted “This is life or death!”

“... Is that dog green? And eating lawn gnome hats?”

“Ugh, forget it. You’d never listen to me if I said.”

“What is it?”

“... Invader Zim. He’s an alien disguised as a human trying to destroy the earth! I fight him on a regular basis! But nobody believes me about him, so I fight him on my own!”

“Alien invader?”

Dib sighed. Time to be called crazy.

“That’s... really cool.”

He looked over at her.

“But probably made up.”

“Hey! It’s not made up! I really have to save the earth from him!”

“All I really have is your word and you’re attending that paranormal convention so you’re probably not a reliable source.” She shrugged “So I have a hard time believing it’s true... as much as I’d like to.”

“As much as you’d like too?! You think an alien destroying the earth is a good thing?!”

“No no no not that... it’s fighting against an alien! Some kinda grand battle with alien technology... it’s cool sounding isn’t it?”

“I have been in those battles many times! And they are dangerous!” He shouted “Can’t you just believe that I’m telling the truth?!”

“... I gave up on anything interesting happening a long time ago.” She shrugged “I have the fictional world... and as much as I want more... I don’t think there ever will be.”

“Hmph. Skeptics everywhere.” Dib passed the computer aside “I’m going to sleep.”

“Sleep tight alien hunter.”

“Is that mockery?”

“Oh yeah.”

* * *

The convention was a total disappointment. Everywhere he looked he saw people believing in stuff like the boogie woogie woogie man, or Donald Ducks ghost and not a single sign of real stuff like the socksquatch. For a brief second he wondered how the anime convention was going but he shut that down. Anime was a waste of time. It was just pictures moving on a screen. Even Leona admitted it wasn’t real. Look at her. Blind to possibilities when she could’ve been studying the paranormal.

“It’s kinda sad really...” he reasoned rolling his eyes “She’s so caught in her own world... and I’m talking to myself. Great way to assure that I’m the sane one.”

He sighed and began going back to his room. He might as well check on Zim.

He got back to his room and checked the spy cameras. Nothing. Well, he couldn’t get discouraged. And besides, he was alone in the room with nothing to-

“I’m back!”

Dib looked up to see Leona holding a plush toy of some weird stuffed bear that looked normal on one side and horrifying on the other, along with various pins of characters he’d never seen.

“Great.” He muttered sinking down.

“Aw don’t look sad. I got something for you!”

She handed him a sticker.

“... What is this?”

“It’s Kyuubey! He’s an alien! I thought you’d like him!”

“This things an alien?” Dib turned the picture around “If anything, he’d be a familiar!”

“... You’re really into this stuff aren’t you?”

“Yes! It’s my life’s work! It’s-“

“Hello Dib-stink!”

“Gaaaaah!” Dib looked at the monitor. His nemesis was on it, clearly holding it up and walking into his house, his eyes reflecting off the reflection of the camera to make an infinite chain of Zims in the sea of red.

“Yes! Thought you could trick me with your su-pai camera! Well it will face a hideous fate!”

“You’ll never get away with... whatever you’re planning!” Dib shouted. “I swear it!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh-“

“Who are you talking to?” Leona asked.

“Nobody!” He shouted. He had had enough of her snark.

“Excuse me! Zim is not nobody! He is the irken armies finest invader! The superior being on this pitiful worthless planet! I am Zi-“

Leona leaned over.

“Holy crap... you really are an alien!”

“Ah! Er... I’m normal!”

“Uh...” Dib looked at Leona’s sparkling eyes “Well I’m gonna foil your plans! Whatever they are... do you have any plans right now?”

“I don’t see why a normal boy would have any of those.” Zim retorted.

“Okay. Never mind.” Dib closed the computer “I expect an apol-“

“Can I work with you?!” Leona took his hands.

“Uh... sure.” He nodded “But first I expect an apology.”

“Yeah yeah, sorry, my bad and also thanks!” She squealed “Let’s defend the world together! Oh and exchange numbers.”

He didn’t think he’d seen her this excited at any point.

“Well, anyone to help me fight off the alien menace is welcome.” He shrugged “Welcome to the team... Leona.”

Leona squealed and jumped around. She was annoying.

But if he had a teammate in helping him expose Zim he’d take it.


	2. Episode 2: Seize of books

Leona pressed the doorbell to the house which she was given the address to, which led to a jingle of “Science is scientifically proven to be great!” And a girl with purple hair opening the door.

“Is this the Membrane household?” She asked.

“Yes.” The girl replied, before shutting the door.

“Wait, I- uh…” she reached for the doorbell again.

“Science is scientifically proven to be great!”

The door opened again.

“I’m... a friend of Dibs. Can I come in?”

“... Dib has a friend?” She opened one of her slitted eyes wide as she regarded her.

“Uh… it’s more coworker I guess. We’re coworkers.”

“Wait. You’re not an alien are you?”

“Ah. I didn’t know you were also in the business.” She held out a hand “I’m Leona. I recently discovered the existence of-“

“No.” She stated “If you are an alien, feel free to kidnap Dib. He’s getting on my nerves.”

With that she stepped into the house and Leona followed looking at her.

“So... what games do you play? I mean your shirt has that pixel art so...”

“Single player games.” She glared at her. Leona got the hint. But...

“Do you like Underpants? They made a kind of au game Staunprutes-“

The other girl was suddenly glaring at her and surrounded in flames.

“... Never mind.”

“Good.” She turned around “And in case you ever need to refer to the person you cannot under any circumstances bother, it’s Gaz.”

“... Nice to meet you?”

“No it’s not. Dib is upstairs.”

Leona looked up and slowly climbed the staircase, checking various rooms until she found the one Dib was sitting in.

“Whoa, that’s a lot of dust bunnies.” Leona looked around “Oh. That ones alive.”

She looked on as the one that was alive bit off another ones head.

“Oh that’s a little... experiment gone wrong. See I tried combining it with something in my dads lab... I thought it’d attract a few monsters. But it just came alive. He bites if you get close so be- hey hey hey!”

Leona was leaning into the dust bunny, only to be pulled back by the shirt when it opened it’s mouth for a bite.

“Be careful!” He scolded “Anyways, I called an exterminator to come next week so they should be able to take care of it... hopefully.”

“Why would you get rid of it? It’s so cool...”

“Well for one thing it chewed a hole in my pajamas.” He rolled his eyes, although she didn’t see that as much of a reason to get rid of it.

“Why not keep it? It can be our mascot!”

“If that thing stays as it is, it’ll grow into a monster that consumes everything in its path!”

“... Mm...” She made a dissapointed noise and looked over at it “But it’s cool…”

“Never mind. Anyways, I’m the one most experienced with Zim here, so of course, I’ll be calling the shots.”

“Calling the shots?” She repeated.

“Yes. Basically you’re gonna have to listen to whatever I say.”

“You’ll probably find most people don’t like being bossed around.” She shrugged non-chalantly “So that’s a no from me.”

Dib shot her a glare.

“Fine... you’ll probably see things my way soon anyway.” He said turning to his computer “Anyways, I managed to place a tracker on Zim. Complex methods, you wouldn’t get it.”

* * *

_ “Hey Zim did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face you have low intelligence?” _

_ “Ha! What patheticness dictating humans!” Zim said before slowly holding a hand in front of his face “I mean, irkens... is my hand bigger than my face or...” _

_ Dib casually dropped the tracker in his boot then stood up and used Zims raised hand to make him slap himself across the face. _

_ “Ow! You wretched, worthless, little human!” Zim shouted “So... is it bigger or...” _

_ “Hm... I dunno. Check again.” _

* * *

“I’ve tracked down his location at the Pretentious Peoples Book Store. Let’s move out!”

“Oh yeah! They have tons of manga!”

* * *

Zim had a stack of books his foot was on. His hand was against the bookcase, and his pose practiced.

“Master, what do you think happens to the fluffy bunny?” Gir inquired holding up the book he was reading.

“He faces an incredible doom when I destroy the planet Gir.” Zim said “Stop asking stupid questions.”

“Zim!” 

Zim turned to see his nemesis, the one who rivaled him most, the enemy, Dib, and some other person, running up to him.

“I found you here Zim! Whatever you’re planning to do with this bookstore, I won’t let it pass!”

“Ha! I noticed your little tracker Dib! You simply walked right into my trap!”

“Oooooh, that’s a classic line.” The other person with him said “Let me go next. Let’s see here…”

“Who are you?”

“... Huh?”

“Run along smelly inferior pig. I’m trying to confront THIS smelly inferior pig.”

“I-I’m the person who was with Dib last week.” She tried “The one who figured out you’re an alien!”

“Wait. You’ve seen through my brilliant disguise?!” Zim yelled.

“It... it’s just a wig and contacts-“

“Well, you should know that I’m normal. Anyways Dib-monkey, I’ve realized your species gains knowledge from these books. As of now, my faithful servant minimoose is surrounding this book store with a field to lift it up and away into space! I will use it as a base to gain knowledge and you will be stuck up in space forever!”

“I’ll stop you before that happens!” Dib shouted.

“Oh but it’s too late...”

The shaking indicated that it had started. Soon he’d take care of the nuisance.

“Oh yeah? Well… Eat this alien!”

Suddenly, the other human picked up a book and chucked it at Zims head.

“Ow!”

“Did that leave an impression?”

“Annoying human...” Zim picked himself up with his pak legs “I suppose I’ll have to deal with you.”

She backed up.

“Um...”

“You’re not doing anything Zim!” Dib yelled “I’m already working on a plan to stop you! You, keep him distracted!”

“Wait, wha-“

She backed up and fell over as Zim approached her.

“You’re not a challenge pathetic human!” He shouted “I’ll just go stop the Dib-shit!”

“Not a-“ She stood up “I’m standing in your way- I’m-“

He stalked towards her causing her to back up into a bookcase.

“Your insistence is annoying. And since you know my identity and mission you must be dealt with.” He said

“Well… uh… is that so?” She asked “Well I know how to resist you?”

“Wait you do?” He looked at her “How?”

“... Not telling.”

“Ha! Your method is so weak you’re ashamed to tell it!” He guffawed “I’d deal with you myself, but since it’s so clearly beneath me… Gir! Take care of this!”

And so Gir walked up to her... and stared.

“Gir! Why aren’t you doing anything?!”

The human girl had sweat coming down her face as Gir continued staring... then looked around... and looked back at him.

“... Hi?”

“Hi!”

She picked him up.

“Gir! Now is the time! Attack!”

The human then undid the hoodie and tilted her head at him. Then...

“Hey can you fire at that guy instead of me?”

“Okie-dokie!”

He turned and began firing at Zim!

“Ah! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Zim began making an escape. Gir was against him!

“Gir! Fire at her! Not me!”

“Okie-dokie!” He turned around and started firing.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no!” She started running “Fire at him!”

“Okie-dokie!” Gir turned around and started firing at Zim.

“Fire at her!”

“Okie-dokie!” 

“Fire at him!”

“Okie-Dokie!”

“Fire at her!”

* * *

Dib took out one of his dads inventions. It was a forcefield of sorts. Though a lot more manual. If he could spread it all around the library it’d block out minimooses control. He just needed to take control of a few drones and-

“Okay some good news and some bad news!”

Leona suddenly dived next to him with a strand of her hair on fire “Good news. I was able to distract the alien by having a back and forth with his robot. Bad news when I offered him the candy in my pocket in exchange for not listening to him anymore, he just went ballistic on the whole store and is now firing at random passerby’s.”

As she said that a man ran by screaming.

“But good news! I have a plan!”

“I’ve already got it taken care of. You just keep distracting him.”

“If I go into that line of fire I could probably die!”

Dib looked over at her.

“Look... this stuff isn’t going how I expected. I went into this not caring about what you said was dangerous, and pretending you can just be waved off. But I don’t just wanna be on the receiving end of orders. I wanna actually be actively coming up with things to do. So can I?”

“... I didn’t expect you to apologize for real.” He said “Most people don’t really give me the time of day so... thanks. I’ll listen to your plan. Just let me finish setting this up.”

“Oh, let me help!” She smiled “You can teach me this stuff.”

“Okay, well let’s start with the basics.”

* * *

Zim had finally managed to get Gir to calm down by bribing him with letting him sit on his head. 

“Can I have tacos later?”

“You lost your privileges Gir!” Zim declared “You only get taco! Singular!”

He muttered something to himself while he checked on minimoose. The store wasn’t fully off the ground yet, but he’d make it work.

“Hey Zim!” The annoying human from before cried out “Over here!”

He looked over to see her standing and waving.

“Ha! Foolish human revealing your location to me!” He began engaging his pak legs “Are you that dull?”

“But you’re the one with low intelligence!” Dib came out “Because your hand is bigger than your face!”

“What?” He put up his hand “That was never confirmed. I mean... is it? No Zims hand can’t possibly-“

Suddenly his pak legs gave out and he could see why. The other human had swung a large book at the legs. He fell over.

“Why you-“ he took gir off his head “Gir! Attack!”

“Yes my master!” He shouted before turning to them and jumping on top of Dib.

“Hi!”

“Uh… should I get him off?”

“No he’s fine.” Dib said “Hold on. The drones are almost-“

Suddenly there was a shaking.

“Haha! We’re starting to get somewhere!” Zim stood up “You think that- Ow!”

The human slammed him with the book again.

“Urgh...” He stood up “I see you have your methods but-“ he grabbed her arm before she swung again “Stop swinging that-“

Dib then hit him with another book.

“Curse you Dib!”

“And Leona!” The other human smiled “And I’m sure this whole store has figured out you’re an alien! Right?!”

“Aliens?” One passerby said “Wow kid. That interest is really cringey.”

“What?” She frowned “But everything that just happened- you can’t just-“

“Welcome to my world Leona.” Dib sighed.

Suddenly there was a dropping and everyone hit the floor.

“Ugh...” Someone yelled “My spine...”

“Yes! Victory!” Zim stood up “Revel in my victory humans!”

“What do you mean victory?!” Dib shouted “We just beat you!”

“Well there’s a very simple way around that.” Zim said “And that is that you suck!”

And Zim ran away. Victory for Zim!

* * *

Dib muttered something into the ground. This kind of pain in the everything was a typical hazard of fighting Zim, but damn did it not really really hurt to land like that.

“Uh...”

He looked up to see Leona offering a hand.

“Need help Dib?”

“... Sure Leona.” He took it and sat up “To being partners?”

He did like the ring of that.

“To being partners.”

  
  



	3. Episode 3: SKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE

“My tallest. It appears I have a new enemy to destroy.” Zim declared over the screen “It’ll be a difficult task, but as an INVADER... I’ll push through.”

“Oh, that’s amazing Zim.” Tallest Red said waving his hand “But how about you only talk about the first one when you call us? So we don’t have to hear about this horrible nuisance?”

“Oh, but my tallest, I’m sure that you’ll be happy to know that I persist despite her and the Dib human.” Zim smiled “I will destroy the Leona! Invader Zim signing off!”

The screen went blank.

“... I really hope they kill him.” Tallest purple said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hehehe...” Zim smiled “Gir! Come to assist me in my evil schemes!”

Gir dropped from the ceiling facedown on the floor.

“Hi master! I’m dead!”

“No you’re not Gir. Do not test my patience with these games!” He shouted “Let’s see...”

He began walking around the base.

“My first idea is just sending genetically modified sharks with legs after her, but that didn’t work with Dib so...” He stopped and looked down “What the schmool is this?”

“Oh hi Zim.” Skoodge waved “I’m surprised it took you this long to notice me.”

“SKOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE?!”

“Yeah... I came here because the tallest banished me. Is it okay if I hang out?”

“Hm...” Zim tilted his head “Will you do everything I say?”

“... Yes?”

“Good! We have a deal!” He smiled.

“Let’s celebrate!” Gir cheered “Buy me a soda!”

“I’m not gonna-“

Gir then started screaming.

“... I think we should just get him a soda.” Skoodge commented.

“Ugh. Fine. I suppose this will be a chance to give you the tour of this FILTHY planet!” He tossed him a disguise “Go on. Get in.”

“Thanks.” Skoodge smiled “Despite my banishment I am truly happy that-“

“Yes, yes, Zim is amazing, now come on.”

* * *

Leona tapped her foot as she and Dib sat a ways away from Zims house.

“So when’s something gonna happen?”

“Patience Leona. We are talking about the fate of the world here! It doesn’t come easily.”

“Yeah... but I want it to!”

“It’s a delicate dance Leona! We can’t relent!”

“... Can I go grab us sodas? Or...”

They were suddenly snapped to attention by Zim walking out the door with another irken.

“... Who’s that?” Leona asked.

“... I have no idea.” He got up 

“Huh. Weird.” She sighed “Now about those sodas...”

“Hey, what are those guys doing?”

Leona and Dib froze up as they were caught.

“Oh. Those are humans. We irken invaders are far above them. For we are above this pitiful planet filled with lesser life forms! And those two are particularly stinky.”

“Wow.” Dib held up a recorder “I did not expect you to just say that.”

“... I don’t think that was supposed to happen.” The other irken remarked.

“... GIVE ME THAT!” Zim screamed getting on his pak legs “SKOODGE! HELP ME GIVE CHASE!” 

“Now we run!” Dib grabbed Leona’s arm and they started running “Ah! Stop stepping on my coat!”

“Sorry! It’s just so long!” Leona shouted “But side note... where can I get one of those?”

“Oh this? It’s homemade and- Hey! Are you trying to steal my look?!”

“... Maybe.”

“Cmon! The coat is like- my thing! It’s-“

“Hello!”

They screeched to a stop seeing Skoodge in front of them.

“If you wouldn’t mind... could you hand me that recorder?”

“... That... that can’t be your plan.” Dib said looking at him.

“We didn’t have much time to think.”

“... So... let’s go.” Leona turned around.

“Uh... Yeah.” Dib went with her “If you’re helping Zim then it’s probably no good.”

“Wait!” Skoodge ran in front of them blocking them with their arms out “If you don’t give it back I’ll cry and make it look like you stole it from me.”

“Then we’ll play it for all the people who come to see.” Leona countered.

“I’ll cry harder so they won’t hear it!”

“Then we’ll start doing a dance so nobody knows what’s going on!” Dib yelled.

“And I’ll put my entire arm in my mouth!” Leona added.

“You can do that?” Dib asked.

“Well... no.” She admitted “But I thought it’d add to the confusion.”

“It would.” Skoodge nodded “But you might drop it in the confusion. So I’m gonna start crying now.”

“Okay let me just-“ Dib started to do the Macarena.

“Uh...” Leona began moving around “So how are we gonna-“

A laser landed in front of them causing their movements to stop.

“Foolish humans!” Zim yelled holding a blaster “You fell for my distraction! Now you will be destroyed!”

“Oh crud.” Leona looked up.

“Over there!” Dib pointed to a set of scooters “We can get away on those!”

“Wait, I have a better idea!” Leona dragged Dib over to a motorcycle and swung on “Come on!”

“Okay!” Dib shouted climbing on “Uh... do you know how to ride a motorcycle?”

“Nope. Just thought it’s cooler looking.” She revved up the engine “Hang on!”

“Wait, wha- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Dib was holding on for dear life “No! I don’t like this!”

“Dib, I haven’t even started it.” Leona said.

Dib looked up.

“Oh.”

A laser began being fired next to the bike.

“Okay let’s go!”

Leona began tearing through every part of the road. Both lanes, part of the sidewalk, and through a red traffic light.

“Oh god, it’s even worse than I imagined!” Dib screamed.

“I feel like an action hero!” Leona shouted “This is-“

She suddenly screeched to a stop as someone came in the middle of the road. Dib lurched forward. His stomach was lurching too. Oh god he was gonna vomit.

“Hey!” The person on the road yelled “You need to be wearing helmets!”

“Uh... sorry.” Leona said as Dib spilled his guts off the side of the vechicle “I just wanted to get away. From a guy with a gun.”

“Well, you should still stop everything you’re doing right now to put on a helmet!”

“Ugh...” Dib wiped his mouth “What if they catch up in that time?”

“That’ll never happen.”

“It is very likely to happen.” Leona said.

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes there is!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!”

“Is there a problem?”

Suddenly a blonde girl was standing in the middle of the road adjusting her glasses. 

“We have evidence of aliens that they’re trying to kill us to keep it out of the public hand.” Dib said.

“Oh yeah. Just say that to some strangers.” Leona moaned.

“Aliens huh?” The girl smiled “Mind giving me the evidence? I can hold onto it while you’re running. That way it’s on someone who they won’t know about.”

“Really?” Leona smiled “That’s cool of you to-“

“Wait, wait, wait.” Dib held up a hand “This isn’t a prank is it? Who even are you?”

“Rin.” She answered smiling sweetly “And I suppose you’re the ones about to be caught up to.”

Dib looked behind him to see Zim and Skoodge coming around the corner in search of them.

“Alright, take it.” Leona said tossing her the recorder.

“Wha- Leona! You JUST met this person!”

“Yeah, and we can lead those two around on a wild goose chase.” Leona smiled “Simple.”

“Ugh...” Dib looked back at the two irkens “Alright Rin, what’s your address?”

“69420 Blaze Street.” She said “And to deal with this guy...”

She pushed him out of the way.

“Cool.” Leona smiled “See you around.”

The motorcycle started up again.

“No! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!”

He was holding tightly as he could.

“You do realize how important that thing is right? It’s my proof!”

“All the more reason to give it to someone they don’t acknowledge the existence of.” Leona reasoned “I’m a pretty good tactician aren’t I?”

“Dang it Leona, enough with the fantasy role play! That proof could be my everything! It could prove to people that I’m not crazy!”

Leona took a moment to spare a glance at him... and then they crashed and fell off the motorcycle.

“Oh.” Leona muttered “Ow...”

“I think I broke something.” Dib muttered.

“And that’s why you should wear a helmet.” The guy from before came up to them.

“... Who even are you?” Dib asked.

“Does my origin matter? I just want people to be safe. Is that something that needs explaining? I’m just a humble little-“

A sign fell on top of him.

“Oh shit!” Leona cussed.

“Ahahahaha! Foolish humans!” Zim came up to them “You have been felled by Zim!”

“You didn’t do anything!” Leona shouted.

“Yeah! Leona is the one who can’t drive.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Dib.”

“Silence!” Zim yelled “I’ve put up with you for a long time Dib! And Leona for about... a day? Huh. I didn’t think it’d be that fast.”

“Uh... good job Zim.” Skoodge gave him a thumbs up.

“Why thank you... I know as irks finest invader I guess it was only certain. Once Dib was weighed down with another pathetic human, it was inevitable that-“

“I’m not-“ Leona was about to counter but Dib covered her mouth and stood up with her “Come on.”

“Of course they’re both pathetic. It’s a wonder how I was able to work so long to be able to capture them... Uh... let’s not focus on- WHEEEEEEEEEERE ARE YOU GOING?!”

“Okay, let’s divide and conquer.” Leona proposed “I’ll go to Rins house, you... what do you wanna do?”

“I’ll just go to the nearest laser tag place. He’s convinced those are actual battlefields.”

“Alright.” Leona started going “Oh, we should play a game sometime!”

“... No thanks.” He said “Let’s split.”

Leona nodded and began running, being taken after by Zim. That left Dib with Skoodge.

“Back off!” He shouted “You may be a new enemy, but I have found my way around Zims tricks for years!”

“Huh. Well uh... do you have the recording?”

“... No.” he admitted.

“Oh.” He sighed “Okay. I’m gonna go home since Zim seems occupied with that other guy. Uh... it was nice to meet you?”

“... You’re just gonna leave?”

“Uh… yeah. I’m not good at confrontation.” He turned around “Bye!”

“Yeah! You better run!” Dib yelled “Earth will be safe! As long as... the stranger... gives us the tape safely...”

Okay, maybe he should just go home now.

* * *

“Come back here!” Zim yelled

“Bite my ass!” Leona countered.

“I won’t do that. That’s gross.”

“It’s a figure of speech!”

“The only figure will be your smashed figure when I... smash it!”

“Okay, okay.” Leona said “By the way can I borrow that thing you use to fire lasers? I want to see the weapon that will... smash me.”

“Oh sure.” Zim tossed it to her “Marvel at your doomsday device!”

“... I did not expect you to be that stupid.” She said pointing it at him.

“Eh?”

She fired at his feet.

“Wha! Hey! No! That’s cheating!” Zim backed up “Give it back!”

“Go away.” She fired again.

“Guh! Uuuuuuuh...” Zim backed up “Curse you Leona! Curse yoooooooouuuuuuuuu!”

She smiled.

“Another win for me! I’m getting good at this...” she turned around “Anyways, Rin.”

She found the house that she was instructed to go to. It seemed to be a Ritzy part of the neighborhood, and the house was a light shade of blue to welcome in visitors. She stepped up and pressed the doorbell, and was greeted with Rin opening the door.

“Oh, it’s you again.” She smiled “Are you here for the recorder?”

“That’s right.”

“Come on in.”

The inside of the house had the same feel as the outside. Light but cool colors, and homely architecture made Leona feel right at home in there.

“Ah... So, I heard this recording. Irkens. That’s a pretty interesting development. But I don’t think I’ll be giving it back.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s unfortunate, and I don’t even like Zim, he’s an idiot. But it’s been a good way of keeping the tallest away to keep him around.”

“Tallest? Wait, didn’t Dib mention...” Leona looked to the side then looked back and gasped “You’re an irken!”

Rin smiled and pressed a button and her disguise faded away into an irken with blue eyes.

“I don’t have the time to explain it now, but I came to this planet a few of your earth weeks ago and I’m staying for the time being. Possibly forever.” She said “I’m a scientist. Spent my time resisting, found out it was useless, but was still a fugitive, so I ran over to a planet I knew they wouldn’t be coming for, and now I want to be left alone.”

“Wait, aren’t the tallest coming for Zim?”

“It’s a long story.” She sighed “Listen. I don’t want to be your enemy or anything. I’m willing to help you keep him from succeeding in his plans if you so desire. But I’m not letting you have that recorder. And I will consistently try to keep you from doing anything that endangers him.”

“Oh yeah?” Leona held up the laser gun “You should give it to me if you know what’s good for you.”

“You’re not actually gonna kill me.” She smirked.

“Oh yeah? Wanna test that?”

“Sure! You’re 12 years old, and you’re just in this for a fun time. Look, I know you want your cool adventures fighting aliens. You don’t want all that to end in just a day right?” She reasoned “I mean, your friend isn’t exactly in it for the nobility of it either. He just wants the recognition.”

“How do you know that?”

“Oh, I’ve been stealing data from under that nimrod Zims nose for the whole time I was here. It’s easy.” She said “Anyways, can’t we just call it a loss on your part this round and call it a day?”

“Why should I?”

“It’s the simple heroic wager. Much more than shooting your enemy is.”

Leona slowly lowered the weapon.

“Alright. Deal.”

“It was nice meeting you.” She nodded “Let’s hope our next meeting is more pleasant.”

Leona looked back and walked out through the house, taking in the sights again. It really was like a normal beautiful house. And she had fallen for it hook line and sinker.

* * *

“Welcome back master!” Gir smiled “Didja get me a soda?”

“Uh… I got one.” Skoodge said holding out a can of poop.

“Imma watch tv and drink it.” Gir smiled “Wanna join?”

“Nonsense Gir!” Zim yelled “I have important business to-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

“Alright!” He shouted “Skoodge you… uh… you fulfilled your duties for now. DISMISSED!”

“All I did was get some soda…” He commented “But okay!”

* * *

“So, we have another alien to expose.” Dib sighed “Fine. Threes the charm.”

“The expression is third times the charm.” Leona said “And I don’t think she should be our focus. She’s willing to help us stop Zim. We just gotta find a way to work around her.”

“I don’t trust her enough to take help from her. But we definitely shouldn’t let Zim find out.” He sighed “So you said you had a fight for the recorder that ended with her blasting it in front of your eyes?”

“Yup. That’s what happened.”

“Okay. Obviously she’s a tricky world ending invader...”

“She’s not a world ending invader. She’s trying to keep it from the tall guys.”

“Did she mention how that is?”

“... Uh...”

“Exactly. We can’t trust what she says.” He reasoned “Man... I can’t believe you fell for her lies. Common rookies mistake.”

Leona tossed a pillow at his head.

“Ow!”

“You two are annoying.” Gaz came in and booted up her game console.

“Oh, hey Gaz.” Leona smiled “Can I play?”

“... Only one controller.”

“... I can bring my own next time.”

“Why do you care?”

“Actually, Mysterious Mysteries is on next.” Dib said “It’s really interesting stuff! You should watch it!”

Gaz looked at him.

“You know what, Leona was it? Having someone else to play games around balances out Dibs annoying obsessions so... come by tomorrow.”

“Deal.” Leona smiled “Uh... sorry Dib.”

“She’s like that...” Dib shrugged “I’ll just be waiting on Mysterious Mysteries. There’s an episode about book demons.”

“Yeah...” She said “And if you don’t mind... tell me why you go after Zim.”

“Uh... because he’s trying to end the world.” Dib said “Duh.”

“Is that it?”

“What other reason would there be?”

“... It’s nothing. Never mind.”

  
  



	4. Episode 4: Rin the Asshole New Girl 1/2

“ _ This product is sooooooooooooo incredible! It makes me see stars the galaxy over! _ ” The man on tv boomed, ,doing motions to assert the majesty of his telescope.

“Ooooooooooooooh....” Gir said, sticking out his tongue. “That looks cool!”

“Ha!” Zim crossed his arms, smirking. “Only filthy desperate  _ humans _ would need something so pathetic!”

“Don’t  _ we  _ have a telescope?” Skoodge commented, putting a finger on his chin.

“SIIIIIIIIIIIIILENCE!” Zim pointed at him, loudly exerting his voice. “And also,  _ our  _ telescope is  _ sooo  _ much better than anything any smelly  _ human  _ can make!”

“Oh... riiiight...” He muttered, wincing slightly. “Man Zim, you’re loud.”

“Hehehe... I know.” Zim smiled, closing his eyes and putting his hands on his hips proudly. “Pretty neat, huh?”

“ _ Hold the world in the palm of your hands! _ ” The tv boomed.

“Eh!? What?!” Zims head shot towards the tv at lightning speed. “The world? As in earth?!”

“ _ You can easily own the wonder globe if you call this number! _ ”

“I  _ need _ to call before anyone else does!” Zim yelled, pointing a finger into the air. “ _ To the phooooooooooooooooooone! _ ”

Skoodge looked at Gir, concerned.

“Is this...  _ normal _ for him?”

“What does draaaaaagon taste like?” Gir asked, either not listening or not caring.

Skoodge sighed as he looked to Zim, who was screaming into the phone. No, really, he was just screaming. Wait, what was that about?

“Two months?! Zim cannot wait two months! Zim needs to conquer the earth  _ now, _ before the tallest arrive!”

Silence.

“Oh... those are my uh... hamsters.”

More silence.

“You will pay for this insolence!” He slammed down the phone. “Skoodge! Gir! I have to go to the filthy human skool. So here’s what I’m gonna need you to do. See this?”

He took out a bomb and placed the device in Skoodges hand. Which was currently turned downside so it just fell off onto the ground.

“Find the ones who refuse to ship this to Zim and threaten them with this to make them see the error of their ways!” Zim shouted extending a finger to his face “I was going to blow up one of the humans houses but this will have to do.”

“Uh... that sounds like a lot.” Skoodge said as he bent down to pick it up.

“Ugh. Fine. I’ll be the one making the threats. Just connect with me when it’s time and I’ll hack into the wireless system.” He turned around waving a hand at him in a ‘chop chop’ motion.

“... Do I have to?”

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!” He shouted “Now off to the filthy human skool!”

He began marching out the door. Gir fell off the couch at that moment.

* * *

“Hahahaha! Dib-stink!” Zim marched up to him as the boy sat down at his desk “You don’t currently have your little sidekick to defend you!”

“Yeah. That’s how this has been for a long time.” Dib reminded him pulling out his desk chair.

“Wha- that’s-“ Zim looked around for a while, then flicked Dib on the nose.

“Ow!” He grabbed his nose with both of his hands.

“Hahahahaha! Take that human!” He shouted, running to the seat on the other side of the room.

What a jerk. Oh well. Dib could tolerate his jerkiness and even the jerkiness of the entire class.

Because he knew there was someone who believed in him. He had someone on his side! Seriously, he had to pinch himself sometimes. It seemed way too good to be true...

“Class, yet another pathetic wretch has wormed its way into the school system.” Ms. Bitters sharp voice bought him back to the here and now “And yet another new student is being added to this roster. So they can be added to the ever growing list of people who have no futures so-“

“Ms. Bitters!” Zim raised his hand “I am small and full of pee! May I go to the bathroom?”

“... Fine.”

Dib glared. What was that alien up to? Maybe he should text Leona. Oh yeah. He had someone to text now. He smiled and slowly took out his phone, but he nearly dropped it when he saw the new student.

The same shade of blonde. The same curved down blue eyes, and the glasses and bow in her hair. It was her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. My name is Rin.” She said “I hope we can-“

“What are you doing here?!” Dib burst up from his seat.

“Oh what is it now?” Carl sighed, placing his elbow on the table.

“She’s an alien! From the same race as Zim!” Dib screamed “I saw her! And I was able to find out from a secondhand source- she’s irken!”

“I don’t recall seeing you before.” Rin smiled “Perhaps it was all a delusion.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Dib shouted “Leona told me about you! You’re-“

“Who is this Leona? I think this may just be yet another delusion of yours.” She said in a smooth tone.

“Yeah... Dibs really crazy.” Zita added.

“Ah. I see. And by the way...” Rin tilted her head “I don’t think you should have your phone out in class.”

Oh no.

He could feel the cold shadow of Ms. Bitters creeping up his spine and then looking down at him.

“Dib, you know that phones are the root of all evil, and thus, not allowed. Hand it over.”

He had no choice but to do so. He didn’t like thinking of what happened to the poor saps who didn’t do that. From there, Ms. Bitters summoned a safe and threw his phone in, and it disappeared into the shadows. He wasn’t seeing that phone again.

“Now Rin, sit down immediately.”

“But of course.” She began to sit down and Dib glared. She was an enemy alright.

* * *

Zim had his back straightened as he walked into the stall and began to take out one of his devices.

“Skoodge! Progress!  _ Progress _ ...”

“Right, um... so we went in to set up the bomb... but we were noticed and got arrested.”

“Hm. That’s unfortunate. Oh well! I managed to hack into their feed already so I can make the announcement.”

“And then you’re gonna help free us right?” Skoodge smiled.

Zim ignored him.

“Just a little bit and...”

“Hey, you!”

Zim jumped and turned around. A human child had taken notice of him.

“Er... you should probably go away. I have... erectile dysfunction.”

“You got a computer in here?” The kid leaned forward “Lemme see! I can go on YouTube!”

“No! The computer is going to broadcast-“

“I’ve come to make an an announcement, Shadow The Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife-“

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Zim screamed “I need to go ammend this! In person! You uh...”

He eyed the other child suspiciously. Then slapped him out of the way.

“Zim is off!”

* * *

Dib had come to realize at lunch time that Zim had disappeared, and he had gone totally unnoticed. He supposed it was the fault of his own focus on Rin instead of him. How ironic that having a new enemy only made his focus wane.

“Who knows what kind of dastardly deeds he’s up to?” He ranted to Gaz “If I had my phone I could call Leona but thanks to the new alien, I can’t even-“

He was interrupted by his sister lobbing a spoonful of beans right into the center of his forehead.

“Whatever he’s doing is unimportant.” Gaz told him “Deal with it.”

“Unimportant? This is the fate of the world!”

“Well well well.” He jumped when he heard Rins voice behind him “No sleep for the hero of the story is there?”

Dib turned and glared at Rin.

“You... whatever you have planned I won’t let you-“

“Relax, I’m not here to start anything. In fact I have a peace offering.” 

She outstretched her hand revealing a phone. His phone.

“Wha- how did you-“

“I have my methods.” She said placing it in front of him “It’s a nice sign that I’m on your side though, isn’t it?”

“You’re the one who got it taken away in the first place!” Dib shouted.

“Really? I thought it was just a normal rule that your phone gets taken away if you use it in school. I wasn’t the one who took it out was I?”

“That’s-“

“Just let her sit down Dib.” Gaz interrupted “It’s gonna be easier for all of us.”

“Thank you.”

And she took Gaz’s invitation to sit down right next to Dib.

“So, how are you in cahoots with Zim?” Dib inquired “You’re in cahoots with him right?”

“I already told your friend I wasn’t. I don’t have any ill will towards this planet.” Rin smiled sweetly “Don’t get me wrong- it’s a shithole. But it’s... a suitable hiding place.”

“Hiding place from what?”

“Oh, I won’t burden you with the details right now. I’m sure you’re more concerned about what Zim is up to.”

“Zim!” He turned to his phone “That’s right! I gotta text Leona!”

He sent her a quick concise text:

‘ZIMS LOCATION RIGHT NOW IS UNKNOWN TO ME WHICH IS REALLY BAD WE NEED IDEAS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW GOT IT?’

She seemed to respond instantaneously.

‘Yeah. There’s a lot of drama downtown. I can’t get in but I suspect it’s him’

‘Wait. Shouldn’t you be in skool right now?’

‘I’m playing hooky. Do it all the time’

Huh. Kinda weird but not what he wanted to focus on.

‘Well, what can you see?’

‘Uh...’

Suddenly he was sent a picture of a giant mecha composed of scrap metal being shot at by various fbi guards.

* * *

“Zim demands the world in his hands!” Zim yelled “Give it now!”

“Zim, we’re still being held in the building!” Skoodge said over the intercom.

“Hi master!” Gir waved “We criminals now!”

“Silence!” He pressed a button “They’ll have to listen to my demands now that I’m-“

“Sir!” One of the puny humans yelled “Your vehicle is parked in an unauthorized area! Please move or we will shoot you with these guns.”

“Hah! Pathetic weapons!” Zim yelled “Why do you resist Zim?”

“Sir as an FBI agent-“

Wait. FBI?! 

“Aaaaaaaaaaah! This has been an FBI trap!” Zim yelled “Ah! Skoodge And Gir were caught! I need to carry out the rest of this mission in stealth mode!”

He pressed a button to self-destruct the robot and dropped down, then ran with his arms flailing into the building. It was time for the rescue mission! Him to find Skoodge and Gir!

* * *

“Seems like a hassle.” Rin snapped him out of the wall of text messages he had sent Leona. “Maybe you’d like a helping hand?”

“... I’ll work with you.” Dib said “But only to take down Zim.”

“Alright. But just remember...”

She bought the phone to its home screen to show the camera icon had a red x over it. Dib quickly tapped it to see it had been disabled.

“No recording evidence. I’m going to make sure of that.”

  
  



	5. Episode 4: Rin the asshole new girl part 2/2

Aaaaaaaaaand the mech just exploded. Leona really did not get Zim. And pushing through this crowd was probably not gonna be worth much in the end when she got to the FBI agents but... oh what else was she gonna do?

She felt her phone ring. Probably another text from Dib.

‘CANT TEXT YOU CAUSE THE ALIEN MENACE HACKED MY PHONE! JUST GO TO MY HOUSE AND TRY TO GET EQUIPMENT!’

Oh yeah. Dib had all that crazy shit back at home. She’d probably have more to work with if she got that. 

“Hey, ‘scuse me, coming through, hello-“ she made her way back through the crowd and didn’t look back. She wasn’t particularly worried about being noticed, so she didn’t mind the stares and the out loud wondering of why a kid was there she heard bits and pieces of. 

“Time to do the main characters work.” She smiled.

* * *

Zim managed to crawl along the vents. So dusty! And filled with grime... what a wretched hideout for alien hunting hunters like the FBI! Never mind that... Where was Gir and Skoodge?

Oh hey, there they were. Sitting on a bench! Ha! What a pathetic prison! He dropped down on top of the guard protecting him.

“Gah! My spine...”

“Skoodge, I have come to retrieve you!” Zim yelled “Do not let yourself get captured again, lest you want to become a liability!”

“Huh... you actually saved me.” Skoodge commented “I didn’t expect that.”

“Yes, yes, I go above and beyond expectations. Now onward to our home!”

“Wait!” Suddenly 5 more FBI agents teleported in and held up guns “Those two are to be taken into police custody for investigation.”

“No need to investigate them! They are just my normal dog and friend!” Zim waved a hand “And definitely from earth just like you!”

“I’m from nacholand!” Gir squealed.

“Sir, if you resist you’ll be taken into custody as well!”

“Zim...” Skoodge elbowed him “This isn’t good...”

Zim took out a pak leg and broke through the chain on the handcuffs.

“You can certainly handle yourself can’t you?” Zim questioned “You successfully fought off that beast on Hobo 13 didn’t you? Why don’t you act on the skill set you hold?”

“Huh... that’s the most encouraging thing that’s ever been said to me.”

“Yes... just remember I’m superior to you, in every way.” Zim smiled taking out his pak legs.

“... Maybe that’s just a fluke though.” Skoodge sighed dejectedly.

* * *

Leona had the invitation to go inside Dibs house, and she was pretty sure nobody else was there as Dib mentioned his Dad being a frequent absentee. What was his name again...? Professor... something. Apparently he was famous, but she didn’t keep up with that stuff.

Let’s see... Dib usually mentioned going down to his Dads lab for equipment. So she just had to go down there. Perfect! Where was it?

She combed over the house several times in search of whatever door to the basement, or upstairs lab was but no dice. 

“Where am I gonna find that stupid-“

She then noticed a subtle outline of a hand on the wall. Okay... so she’d seen enough movies to know she shouldn’t touch that. But...

She held her hand over the imprint and watched a light green scammer start going down her hand. She quickly recoiled but it was too late. Sirens were blaring and several weapons had sprouted from the ceilings.

“... Dib, you owe my soon to be corpse for this.”

Before she knew it, a door opened from the piece of wall, and a man with a lab coat came bursting out.

“Intruder! What are you doing here?!”

“Wait! I’m a friend of Dibs!” Leona put her hands up “My name is Leona! He might have mentioned me?!”

“I hardly listen to my sons insane ramblings.” The man countered “And why are you here without him if you’re a friend?”

“Oh... he asked me to come... take some equipment.” She was really not liking how today was turning out “Wait, you’re his dad?”

“Are you surprised to see the incredible Professor Membrane?”

“I... don’t know you...”

“Nonsense! Nobody on earth is unaware of my presence!” He yelled “You better start making sense soon, or I’ll have to contact the authorities!”

Leona gulped.

“Listen Dib just asked me to get some equipment.” She said “I didn’t mean to set off the alarm.”

“That door only opens when faced with my exact DNA!”

“Exact DNA?” Then how did Dib...

“Dad stop!” 

Oh thank god. That was Dibs voice. She turned around to see him running in with Gaz trailing behind and... was that Rin? Yeah, Rin walked in and nicely plopped herself down on the couch.

“Ah, son.” Suddenly, the Professor looked up and adjusted his goggles “Don’t mind me, just interrogating an intruder.”

“Dad, this is Leona.” Dib motioned to her “She believes me about the alien.”

“Hm? Is this true?” The man leaned in “I can tolerate my sons insanity but I don’t want anyone else’s of that under my roof. You’re not really into his ‘parascience’ are you?”

“Oh... I uh... I don’t know much about that I just kinda got into-“

“Son, why must you ask other insane people to rob us?” The man looked down on Leona and though she couldn’t see his expression it left a powerful sting “You have a future in the Membrane science field, but now you bring in futureless, unaccomplished-“

Her hearing was starting to go. No, no, no this was not going to pass. So she burst out:

“I don’t actually believe him!” 

“Leona?!” Dib looked at her wide-eyed.

“What are you saying?” Membrane asked leaning in.

“I uh... I’m just kind of entertaining him. He did seem to want someone to listen to him, so... I decided to be that person!”

“Hm... well I suppose he does require people to ramble with.” He shrugged “I just don’t want you raiding my house again.”

“Y-yes sir!” She nodded.

“Huh... I think I know you from tv.” Rin came up to him “You’re Professor Membrane right?”

“Correct.”

“Wait, Dad!” Dib shouted “She’s an alien too!” 

“Son, I’ve had enough of your paranormal talk for one day.” He said “From now on, we only talk about REAL science!”

“Science?” Rins eyes began sparkling “Right I think that was mentioned... can you tell me some of your findings?”

“Why certainly!” He smiled “You see...”

He delved into a rant, and Leona took the opportunity to back away.

“Yeesh, he’s calling you insane? That guys definitely got a screw loose.”

Dib didn’t respond with any witticisms or anger. Just a short response.

“Thanks for nothing.” He said walking over to the couch “Come on, we have a status update.”

Leona bit her lip going up to the couch. Dib had placed his phone on the table and showed off the camera app.

“I’ve found that Rin was able to hack my phone by placing some weird irken technology in there. I’ll have to take this thing apart to remove it.” He said “So I’ll do that. You can go with Rin to stop Zim. And hide this.”

He handed her a camera.

“Okay.” She nodded and hid the camera “Anything else?”

“... No.” He looked away sourly. Leona didn’t really know what to say in this situation.

She stood up and walked over to Rin, but she seemed preoccupied. She seemed genuinely fascinated in all the information Dibs dad was giving her and was even taking notes. 

“Uh... Rin?”

The other started from where she was standing and took a look at her.

“Ah, right. Things to do.” She smiled “I do hope we can speak again Professor.”

“Any time.” He said.

Rin turned and gave a shoulder motion for Leona to follow. Leona nodded cursing the fact her skirt didn’t have a pocket to stuff the camera in unnoticed. She instead went with the next best option of stuffing it under her turtleneck. She barely caught Rin saying something and turning back to her with a blank face.

“Huh...?”

“I said, you were kinda cold back there...” she repeated to her.

“Oh... I just... uh...” Today was really not her day “I mean, you hacked his phone! So...”

“I guess you’re right... I’m doing my thing to get by, and you’re doing yours.” She shrugged “Plus you’re a kid. You have way more time to make mistakes than I do. You just need to use that time to fix them.”

“... So you’re older than you look huh?”

“Most irkens are if we’re counting your peoplea standards of looks. I’m a couple hundred years older and wiser than you.”

“So... you’re like an old lady?”

“... Yes. Very much so.”

“And is Zim-“

“Yes.”

“Huh...” she tilted her head “So do you know Zim?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t know me. I just know that by being loyal, he’s a bigger nuisance to the irken empire than our little resistance ever hoped to be.”

“Oh yeah. You mentioned a resistance.” Leona tilted her head “Was it cool?”

“It was a nightmare.” Rin replied “I left behind my closest friends to be behind the scenes, to spying on enemy lines, to being a fighter, and it all lead to nothing. Honestly, I should’ve just learned my place and fell in line when I was still young. Be like every other irken who just follows along in conquering.”

“No you shouldn’t have!” Leona shouted “You’re saying the irkens are bad right? Why would you go along with them?”

“Oh spare me. If you cared about doing what’s right you wouldn’t have kept that recorder. Or you would’ve sticked up your partner there. We all do things for self-preservation.”

“But...”

“... Anyways, I’ll be taking that camera.” She said looking back.

“... What camera?” She lied.

* * *

Zims pak legs made a shield that blocked out the bullets. 

“Man, there’s a lot of guys here.” Skoodge muttered as he held down the fort behind Zim. “But you know... it’s kinda nice.”

“Eh? What is?”

“I’m just glad I’m actually being defended for once.” He said “Since-“

“You’ll be even more amazed when you see this.” Zim smiled “Gir! Defensive mode!”

The robot began doing a startup dance slightly restricted by the green dog costume he was wearing...

Then he walked up to one of the agents and started hugging his legs.

“I love you.”

“GIR!”

“A... a dog.” One of the agents bent down and picked him up “Guys we can’t harm him! He’s just a little puppy!”

“Oh... yes!” Zim declared “If either me, or my normal human companion is hurt, it will cause this dog great emotional pain!”

“We can’t hurt this dog...” the agent cried “Hideous green freaks... you’re free to go.”

“It’s a skin condition actually.” Zim held up a finger “And COME ON LETS MOVE!”

He started running grabbing Skoodges arm and snatching Gir from the agents hand immediately, and ran off.

“Oh thank Tallest...” Skoodge sighed once they were out of the building “But anyways, as I was saying... back on Irk... and Blorch... and when The Tallest tried to kill me... I kinda had to get out of stuff myself... so it’s cool you’re helping me.”

“Hehehe... yes I am pretty amazing.” Zim smiled “You should definitely spend more time acknowledging it.”

“... You’re still kind of annoying though.”

“Uh...” 

Zim whipped around and saw Leona standing with another human.

“... I feel like we missed the whole fight.”

“Ah! Dibs annoying sidekick.” Zim crossed his arms.

“Wha- Hey! I am not a-“

“Who is this with you? Do you, like the Dib, possess a sister?”

“No! This is-“

“I’m your new classmate. Rin.” The blonde put a hand on her chest and walked towards him “I’ve heard the buzz about you, and from that, I know you’re a human.”

“Er... yes. Yes I am!”

Leona rolled her eyes.

“A horrendously stupid, hypnotically arrogant, poor excuse for a human being.” Rin continued “But... a human.”

“... Yeah... so why are you with her?” Skoodge asked pointing at Leona.

“Oh she’s been annoying me all day. I thought I could lead her to you as an easy kill.”

“Excuse me?!” Leona shouted.

“Oh...” Zim said “Much apprecia-“

“As in kill the conversation. I know most normal people wouldn’t kill someone with a witness- such as myself for example- around. It’d just be unthinkable.”

“... Oh. Riiiiiiiight.” Zim smiled.

“... Do you know more than you’re letting on?” Skoodge asked.

“Do you know where froggy is?” Gir chimed in.

“Me? No, no, no. I’m a... How do you say... perfectly normal human worm baby. Just like you. I’ve made friends with this girl... and that big-headed loser she calls a partner. So I’ll be hanging around them plenty. We’ll be seeing you.”

She turned around and began walking, and Leona frantically looked between them... and bolted after her.

“... Hey Zim, can we go home now?” Skoodge asked.

* * *

“... Ugh.” Dib scrunched up his nose at the little blue bug he found crawling around the inside of his phone picking it up with tweezers. “I’ll have to capture this and show it to Dad. Surely even he’ll be able to place this is some kind of alien-“

The bug suddenly caught on fire and Dib yelped and dropped it while it turned to ashes. 

“Dammit!” He yelled burying his head in his hands “Could this day get any worse?”

“You’ve been through worse.” Gaz said not looking up from her game console “Just watch an episode of Mysterious Mysteries to clear your head. You can’t get upset over Ms. Hearts And Magical Girls acting exactly like you’d expect her too.”

“What do you mean ‘exactly how I expect her too’?”

“Wake up Dib. She’s not in this to help. She’s in it because she saw people fighting aliens on tv and jumped at the chance to do the same. She’s shallow.”

“I...” He couldn’t deny that he felt that way when he first met her. Maybe he’d just gotten ahead of himself thinking somebody was actually on his side...

“Hello~ we’re back.”

His eyes shot to Rin standing in the doorway with Leona storming in behind.

“It was nice working with you today. I’ll make sure to stop by more in the future. But first... Leona?”

“Uh... right.” Leona stepped up to Dib “Is your dad still home?”

“... No. He went out.” Dib said. He didn’t miss Leona’s sigh of relief when he said that. “... It’s good to know you aren’t gonna have my back when it matters.”

“... Yeah. I’m a lot like that Rin girl... and I don’t like that one bit.”

“That’s understandable.” Rin chimed from across the room.

“... I know you aren’t actually invested in this paranormal stuff.” Dib sighed “You made it clear you didn’t when we first met. But I thought you’d at least back me up on the front of something you knew was right. At least make it seem like I’m not a raving mad man. The same raving mad man EVERYONE sees me as.”

“... Yeah. I know what it’s like to have people not think much of you.” She admitted “And that’s why I cracked there.”

“... We really don’t know anything about each other do we?” Dib sighed.

“I guess we don’t. You’ve been kind of an asshole, and I’m not really being 100% in this.” She rubbed the back of her head “... We kinda suck at this partners thing don’t we?”

“... Well, you’ve shown more willingness to believe me than most people.” Dib said “So… I guess that’s a start?”

“Oh yeah… you know all this stuff… maybe you can tell me about it? I mean, I wasn’t lying when I said I thought it was cool. I just… didn’t think it was possible. Just a part of stories.”

“Plenty is possible.” Dib smiled “I’ve been researching this stuff forever! Yes indeed, truth is stranger than fiction… For example, ghosts have written several history books.”

“Oh, I saw that on an anime once!” Leona enthused “‘Archaeology of the Dead’” 

“... Huh. That stuff might be more useful than I thought.”

As they carried on their conversation he caught Gaz smiling lightly.

“You know, the person who put the idea in my head to even come back and try and do the right thing was Rin.” Leona eventually said “So you should be thanking-“

She turned around and stopped. Only when Dib followed her gaze did he realize with her that the irken had disappeared. 

“Huh... I guess she’s not one to stick around.”

* * *

Rin sat down letting her disguise dissolve and placed her head in her hand. Those kids would be useful to her. And she’d make sure they wouldn’t become thorns in her side.

Yes, this was a battle she would be able to keep up. Unlike the useless one. And she would certainly no longer be getting any special attachments here. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“_Kark_, please, _use_ _your_ _head_ _and_ _don’t__go_ _out_ _on_ _the_ _front_ _lines_.” _She_ _pleaded_ “_People_ _are_ _dropping_ _like_ _flies_ _out_ _there_. _What_ _makes_ _you_ _think_ _you’ll_ _be_ _any_ _different_?”

“_Hell no_. _I’m_ _not_ _a kid_ _Rin_!”

“_If_ _you_ _get_ _captured_, _I’m_ _just_ _going_ _to_ _feel_ _that’s_ _on_ _me_! _For_ once _in_ _your_ _life_, _think_ _about_ _other_ _people_!”

“_It’s_ _not_ _your_ business _so_ _don’t_ _feel_ _it’s_ _on_ _you_. _I’m_ going.”

* * *

...

...

.............  _ useless _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, just so you know Kark isn’t my character, they were created by a discord friend who wants to go by the handle of Snufel. Please appreciate him.


	6. Episode 5: King Of The Gnats

“I don’t get why you hang out with that Dib kid.” Jessica said to Rin as they trolled through the halls on their way to class, “He’s a  _ freak _ . And he doesn’t even seem to  _ like _ you. He called you an alien the first time you walked in. And sometimes still does.”

This Jessica girl was incredibly obnoxious. Though definitely a social butterfly, she didn’t seem to have many likeable qualities to speak of. Chalk that up to another way Earth society was like that of Irk. Definitely something worth studying all the more, which is why she put up with her.

“I have my reasons. Even though I wouldn’t call us friends.” Rin smiled in her reply to the comment “That’s not something you’re foreign to, now is it?”

“You shouldn’t listen to a word the Dib-monkey says.” She turned and saw Zim marching along “Especially anything that pertains to I, ZIM!”

“Oh geez, we attracted the other weirdo.” Zita groaned pushing open the door to the classroom. Zim then proceeded to push her out of the way, causing the door to close, pushed it open himself, and walked in. “Ugh. What an annoying little  _ freak _ .”

Rin had to hold back a giggle. She had to admit, it felt kinda cathartic having the brat get knocked down a peg.

“Don’t mind the idiot. Just go in.”

She went in behind Jessica and casually strolled to her desk, waiting for Ms. Bitters to slither in. Sure enough:

“Students, you have not all been getting along as per the quota lately. Thus, for this next project you’ll be working in twos.”

“Wait, Ms. Bitters.” Dib raised his hand “If the problem is with all of us, then why are we just being assigned groups of twos? Wouldn’t a classwide effort make more sense?”

“No.” Was the sharp reply he got “The assignment will be to compile a poster based on the entire book, king of the gnats. Now, I will be reading your assigned partners. Aki, you have Flan. Gretchen, Carl. Rin... you have... Zim.”

Oh  _ fuck _ no.

Rin looked over at the fellow irken, currently in the process of scanning the class with his eyes, probably not knowing who she was.

“Uh... Ms. Bitters?” Rin raised her hand and put on her best smile “Is there a mistake of some kind?”

“Elaborate on what you mean child.”

“I mean... we’re working to build teamwork right? Wouldn’t it make more sense to pair Zim with someone he got along more poorly with? Such as, and I’m just spitballing here...  _ Dib _ ?”

She didn’t miss the piercing glare she got from Dib, but she didn’t care. She just needed the luck of gods so she wouldn’t be paired with that idiot.

“Dib will be working with Chunk. You have Zim. Get over it.” 

“Wait, Chunk?!” Dib looked horrified.

_ Shit _ . She looked over to the infamous food service drone Zim. And she’d have to keep a straight face around him the entire time.

Okay no. She pinched herself, taking a second to calm her nerves. As if she’d be blown out by some  _ backwashed _ irken  _ bootlicker _ who even the bootlickers didn’t respect. She started formulating a plan. She’d get out of this, no problem, and it’d be done and over with.

* * *

Zim poked at the human concoction labeled as food. The lower life forms on this sad little planet naturally had lower forms of food but  _ augh _ ! It really was disgusting!

“Zim. Just the person I wanted to see.”

He looked up to see Rin looking down at him and grinning ear to ear.

“... Yeeeeeeeeeeeees?”

“We’re working on this project together right? But you don’t want to be putting up with some partner you don’t care about do you?” She reasoned sitting down next to him.

“... Correct.” Zim affirmed “Zim does not want equal collaboration, especially from an annoyance like yourself.”

Her smile remained plastered on her face.

“... Yes. That’s why I have a proposal to make.”

“... Proposal?” He repeated putting emphasis on the L.

“It’s simple. I do all of it, and you get to not do any of that pesky work. You probably don’t want to be stuck with it do you?”

She did a few hand motions as he talked, and his eyes followed. Having someone else take care of the pitiful skoolwork was an appealing thought. He hated it, and it’s uselessness, it’s unending source of confusion and it’s- wait.

Of course he could handle it! He was Invader Zim! Why would he think he wouldn’t- Ah it made sense!

“ _ You _ !” He screamed pointing a finger at the one who made her little proposal and being sure to stretch out the vowel to the best of his ability. “You’re trying to trick Zim aren’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Trying to make me think I’m not competent enough for this AREN’T you Rin?”

“Uh... I didn’t say-“

“You and your hand-motions, all a ploy! To make me think I am not up to the challenge of skoolwork! Well you won’t trick Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim!” He leaned into her and growled “We will begin our project after school.”

Rin blinked a few times. Obviously her disbelief was at how much more capable of work he was! Heh. Heh-

He began to realize the entire cafeteria was staring at him.

“... I’M NORMAL!” He screamed.

* * *

Dib was not surprised when, as the day ended, Chuck came up to him, dropped his book on his desk, and said: “You’re doing all the work.”

He didn’t exactly protest. Any response other than “Sure thing” was just going to end with a number of bruises.

“I’ll do your work Chunk.” Dib sighed adjusting his glasses “So can I be on my way now?”

“One last thing.” Chunk suddenly snatched his glasses, and removed himself from his line of sight.

“Hey!” Dib stood up but he knew there was gonna be no catching Chunk when he was already a couple feet away, and he was blind as a bat. But he managed to see a figure come in front of him and causing him to trip.

“Oh, whoops. Chunk you accidentally tripped over my foot.” 

Dib wasn’t quite sure who the voice belonged to, but he was already on the way over, bumping into unseen obstacles on the way, and swinging his arm around when he got to Chunk for his glasses back.

“A little to the left.”

Dib took the advice and felt the shape of his glasses, pulling them out of Chunks hand and onto his face to see his savior was...

“Rin?!”

“Yep. Listen, I don’t know how to get that idiot Zim off my back. So-“

“Why would I help you?! Just because you tripped up the school jerk for the sole purpose of getting me to talk to you?”

“What did you just call me?” Chunk was getting off the floor with an angry look.

“Well, if you’re not willing to provide any help, I guess I can just leave you to be beat up.” She shrugged. The smugness was written all over her face and voice. What a pure, selfish  _ ass _ .

Dib gulped but stood his ground while Chunk cracked his knuckles. He was not going to let her win! Not over this! Not today!

So when he closed his eyes, he did not expect to hear a smack without actually feeling anything. He dared to peek his eyes open, and saw Rin had a fist extended, and Chunk was rubbing his face. People had taken to staring at the scene in disbelief. Rin turned and walked out.

“... Hey, Rin!” Dib managed to take advantage of the confusion and go after her while sidestepping his chances of getting beat up “Just so you know, I’m not helping you just because of this.”

“Sounds good. As long as you never mention this again.” She turned back, her usual plastic smile replaced with an icy glare.

“Oh don’t give me that! If you weren’t trying to con more help from me, why did you cut Chunk off?”

“Oh for fucks sake kid...” she rolled her eyes “Look, I’m not on that kids side. Hardly. Good ol moral compass kicked in to stop me from letting you get beat up by some self-important jerk. I lost. You won. Congratulations.”

“There’s no way that’s it! You probably-“

“Stand aside Dib-beast.”

Oh great. Look who it was. His view of Rin was cut off by Zim sliding in.

“We meet at your house. My house is not ready for visitors.”

“... Can’t we just go to the library?” She requested.

“Hey, you’re not gonna scheme anything while you’re working together are you?” Dib questioned.

“ _ Nonsense _ ! I do not scheme!” Zim said walking up to Rin and putting a hand on her shoulder and turning to face him “I am just working with my inferior project partner... Rib!”

“It’s Rin.” She said pushing his hand off “And I wouldn’t scheme to rob a dollar store with this guy.”

“Yes, yes, let’s go!” Zim began marching off.

“Ugh.” Rin glared at him before focusing her eyes to Dib again “You really think I’d willingly collaborate with that?”

“Why not? You’re both egotistical enough.”

She looked down for a moment, almost guiltily, but then she just shrugged.

“You have that one. Take it for what it is.”

Dib crossed his arms watching her depart.

“... Huh.”

* * *

Convincing Zim to go to the library instead of her house was irritating and a waste of time. Convincing Zim the library was her house however? Easy. Slightly amusing. Was less cause for yelling.

“So...” Zim said as they sat down “About the large headed beast... He hasn’t said anything about me to you, has he?”

“About what?” She answered his question with another in her attempt to shake him off with her voice made saccharine.

“... Oh. You know, uh... filthy lies?”

Well, the truth might be the most useful thing in this situation.

“Look, I don’t hang out with that kid to entertain his conspiracy theories. He’s a means to an end.” She shrugged her shoulders. 

The words tasted bitter on her tongue. Had she really become that self-serving? That much of the kind of people she hated? What would Indigo think? Okay, no, no distractions. She pushed that pesky little thought down while turning to Zim.

“Let’s just start reading. You know how to read don’t you?”

“Of course.” He said seeming to either not understand the insult, or choosing to take it as a compliment “So what is this... book about?”

“I’m... not sure.” She admitted.

“Well, why are we reading some smelly earth book anyways? Why don’t we just look up a summary?”

“Well, I can say that’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had.” She shrugged. A quick summary might prepare them for the worst.

“Hm…” he took out an obviously irken scanner from his PAK and started going over the book. Actually, it was kind of an old model of the scanner. But it had obvious to see adjustments. And they seemed to be boosting it.

“Fascinating…”

“Hm?” Zim looked at her.

“Oh.” She just realized she’d said that out loud “Pay me no mind.”

“Hm… yes. You are not worth my precious attention.”

She was going to run her PAK leg through his torso if he kept this up.

“So, it’s about human children going insane while trapped in a Bloaties.” He said “If I was trapped in that bloaties I simply wouldn’t go insane.”

“Sure you wouldn’t.” She took the book and looked at the back “Whoa, this is old. Why would they assign us to read something so outdated?”

“It is quite pathetic, isn’t it?” Zim sighed “It’s like they expect the book to be worth something as time goes by. But human books are never worth ANYTHING!”

Rin shushed him, while rolling her eyes. She could probably make a tally mark of all the times this guy blew his cover. Or just insulted humans.

“Look, we have to read it to do this project. Can we just get it over with?”

“Absolutely not. This is a project far too delicate for rushing. Of course, you wouldn’t know that.”

She lowered her eyelids.

“Anyways, what was I talking about?”

“... You were talking about how you need to read this book to continue with the delicate task.” She lied smiling.

“Ah, perfect.” He began going through the materials in the container in front of them tossing them back. Rin was able to dodge the pencil, the eraser, and the ‘no throwing’ sign, but wasn’t so lucky against the stapler.

“... Zim.” She muttered as the idiot took out a pen “Stop that.”

“How DARE you order around ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-“

“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” She stood up and put a hand over his mouth “Pipe down idiot.”

“MMM! Mph! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM-“

“Listen here narcissist. The only reason I’m working with you is to make sure I don’t get a failing grade. So make sure that-“

Zim then bit her hand.

“Ow!” She yelled “What the-“

“Zim is not narcissi! Zim would never be a pathetic flower! Zim is a weapon of mass destruction! Of-“

“That’s not what I-“

She didn’t finish because Zim was pressing the writing edge of the pen against her neck.

“You aren’t well-versed in the ways of ZIM! Zim does not answer to your silly commands!”

Okay, this was getting out of hand. She had to control the situation.

“I see, so you should probably take some time... slow down, and let your greatness just be absorb-“

“Do you even understand?!” He took the pen away and Rin could tell he drew blood with that stunt “What can a pitiful little-“

“WILL YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU IMBECILE?!” She screamed. He looked a little shaken by the outburst. Good. “You’re going to listen to me. Understand?”

“Actually.” She heard a voice behind her and all the adrenaline in her veins froze up and was replaced with fear. A look back showed her the librarian looking very annoyed.

So, after they were physically tossed out of the library, Rin was the first one up.

“Pathetic humans!” Zim suddenly used her as a cane to hoist himself up “I will have my revenge!”

Rin was ready to rip off this idiots PAK but she had already gotten into one bad situation by getting angry and she wasn’t going to let another case happen.

“Well Zim. Any new, genius ideas you have?” She inquired mockingly instead despite knowing the sarcasm would fly over his head.

“Well... uh...” Zim paused in his actions to look at her “Eh... I...”

Huh. She didn’t expect that look. It was genuine being taken aback. This from the Irkens most well known egotist?

“This was all part of my genius plan from the start.” He then waved her off. “Zim was just... trying to steal this book!”

He held up the book they’d been assigned in class.

“... Of course.” She was a fool for expecting anything different “So where do we go now?”

“We just have to... analyze this book! We shall read it, and then, that will show them.”

“... You just came to that conclusion now?”

“I know it’s amazing.”

Rin had heard the stories of Zim. A destructive, idiotic, and  _ overwhelmingly _ full of himself nuisance to anyone around him but...

She snorted. And then she started laughing. Laughing until tears dribbled from her eyes and her voice screeched like a hyena. 

“Uh... what are you laughing at?” Zim asked.

“You...” she smiled, shaking her head at the small in stature, wannabe invader “I can’t figure you out. I can’t even make you do what I want! You’re... you’re just something  _ else _ .”

She laughed until her voice grew hoarse from it.

“Uh... Well, Zim is still completely normal.”

“Oh of course.” She smiled.

“By the way. Is it okay if I study your methods for making others do what you want that you speak of?”

“Ahaha... If you even try it, I’ll make a formula to melt your eyes.” She smiled. A real smile. “Look, let’s just read the book by ourselves and meet up in skool tomorrow. We’ll discuss it then. I’m sure it’ll be just as frustrating as today was.”

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because.” She grinned “I've never met anyone more difficult than you.”

* * *

Zim stepped into the house. The Rin was... strange.

“Hey Zim. You’re back late.” Skoodge remarked.

“Yes well... I had duties to keep up my appearance as a human.” Zim waved his hand “Nothing important. Humans still continue to be pitiful obnoxious dirt creatures. Though I found this one stranger than normal.”

“One time I met a guy who wore pizza! But he ate pizza!” Gir commented “The pizza ate pizza. And then he chicken danced.”

“Hm... fascinating.” Zim put a finger on his chin “Fascinating how pathetic they are! Ahahaha-“

He coughed a little bit.

“Ha... Ha... yeah.”

“So what are you doing right now?” Skoodge asked.

“Huh? Oh. I forgot.” Zim shrugged “Well, whatever. The strange Rin human is irrelevant to the mission.”

As he said that he tossed Skoodge a pen.

“Discard of that. It touched the filthy human so it holds no value anymore.”

“Aren’t you gonna study it?” Skoodge asked.

“Ha! Skoodge! You’re quite amusing in how you don’t understand the complex reasons why I don’t need that pen.”

“... Such as?”

“... Zim is off!” He climbed on top of the toilet and flushed himself down.

“Hm...” Skoodge looked at the writing tip of the pen, stained with what he instantly recognized as the color of irken blood.


	7. Episode 6: Button eyes 1/4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until all the chapters of this were done before I posted any but... it’s almost Halloween. So enjoy the Coraline crossover.

Dibs mouth was goinga mile a minute while he and Leona walked across the dirt-laden path,, beneath a sweat-inducing sun to beat them down.

“Soon we’ll have evidence of Zim! One autopsy later, he’ll-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Leona put her hands up “That’s a... n interesting fantasy there, but we’re not actually gonna kill him, are we?”

“Of course we are! He’s trying to take over the earth! Plus, he’s killed me on one occasion!”

“He... what?” Leona raised an eyebrow “Then how are you alive right now?”

“Look, it’s a long story... what’s important now is , he’s dangerous! We can’t just let him do whatever he wants!” 

“Yeah, obviously, but what’s with your dissection fantasies? Is it not enough to have him locked away in a high security prison?”

“And risk him possibly contacting his leaders? I don’t think so.”

“Do you hear how you sound right now?” She retorted ”Because you sound out of your mind.”

Oh, like he hasn’t heard people say that before. He didn’t respond. Maybe if he didn’t dignify her with a response, she’d stop.

“Uh... hello? Dib?” Leona waved a hand in front of his face, “Hey, I just said something? You gonna say anything back? Hello?”

“We’re here,” Dib continued ignoring her and pointed to the abandoned shack, “Look. it has all the signs of being used by a witch. Just as I thought.”

“... I don’t see any signs of use.”

“It’s the garden. Still fully grown, when the rest is abandoned.” He smiled, “I’m an expert in this stuff.”

“Yeah, but definitely not in human communication.” She snarked.

“...Let’s just go in.” He opened the door and stepped into the house. This was it! Tons of equipment that, if used right, he’d be able to defeat Zim with! 

“Is this junk really gonna help us...?” Leona asked picking up and observing a cookie baking talisman “It seems pretty... unuseful.”

“Well, that one in particular won’t help us fight Zim... but it does make you better at baking, so keep it.” He said turning back to Leona, “We have a real treasure trove here. Some total-“

“Dib?”

“Total access to-“

“Dib!”

“Access to powerful-“

“Dib, you really wanna look at this!”

“Oh what?!” He looked back and paused. Leona was holding a doll, but not just any doll. This doll looked exactly like him. The hair with its one big spike stitched in to match the blue shirt with the ghost design, and even a copy of his trench coat. Finally, two glassy rims laid over the button eyes staring back at him.

“No way...” he walked up to it, almost drawn in, “Could the resident be predicting our visit? No… But, why wouldn’t they set more effective traps if they saw us coming…? I need that doll for research purposes, got it?”

“Take it.” Leona gave it to him “It’s creepy.”

“Hm... I’ll have to get it home and take it apart.” He grinned, “Who knows what I’ll find?”

“What is with you and dissecting? At least it’s nothing living this time.” She looked away before looking back suspiciously, “It isn’t alive is it?”

“This thing? Of course not! Living dolls are always porcelain! And they, uh... really don’t like my taste in music...”

“...How many of them were there?”

“So many...” He shuddered, thinking back on the memory, “Dad thought I was the one who destroyed the couch, and grounded me for a week.”

The door slammed open, and the two jumped to find Gaz in front of them.

“Dib... you took the batteries out of the remote to power your computer, didn’t you?”

“... No?” He smiled sheepishly.

“Wait, is that where the batteries to my DVD player went?” Leona glared at him.

“You know what, Gaz, why don’t we head home. We’ll replace those batteries in a jiffy!” Dib began walking past “Leona, you can gather up the rest of those-“

He was stopped by Gaz, who was grabbing at his bag. Before he could respond, she took a crystal from the bag, and smashed it on the ground. 

“Hey! That was important!” Dib shouted, snatching his bag back from Gaz.

“And now,” Gaz smiled, “we’re even.”

* * *

So, as it turns out, today was a rainy day. A downpour in fact. And seeing as Leona was out in the woods in a shack, by herself now, in a place with no WiFi, the situation could be considered... less than ideal.

“Ugh...” She looked outside, then back at the array of strange trinkets, “I wonder if one of these things can control the weather...”

She dug through a bag, hoping to identify and immediately be able to use a weather crystal, but... that was a lot harder than it sounded. Actually, it was every bit as hard as it sounded.

“... I guess I’ll have to wait the storm out...” She muttered, unfolding her turtleneck until it rested at her chin. Staying alone in some creepy shack for the night sounded an awful lot like a horror movie... and she wasn’t exactly sure if she was equipped to deal with it. “Heh, any moment now, some monster is gonna come in and scream-“

“PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” A familiar voice shouted.

Leona nearly fell backwards.She folded down her collar again, and peeking outside Sure enough, She saw Zim on those weird spider legs of his.

“Aha! Leona!” He pointed at her, “And I’m sure behind you is that enormous-headed Dib!”

“No…” Leona frowned, “he went home... What are you doing out here?”

“Ha! Stupid Leona! I found out ahead of time you were coming here, and prepared accordingly!”

“Prepared accordingly...” she repeated “Oh! You must’ve been the one who planted that weird doll here!”

“I know not of this doll you speak of.” Zim said waving his hand “However, I can easily take you down while you’re in this unprepared state. Begone from my mission, human!”

“Aaaaaah!” She held up an arm “Can’t we do this later?!” She shouted.

“No!” Zim shouted back.

Normally she’d grab the nearest thing to defend herself. But other than the magic stuff, the shack had absolutely nothing.

Wait... The magic stuff! She grabbed the first crystal she could find out of her bag, and inspected it. If she could figure out how to use it...

One of Zim’s pak legs came down, turning the wood into splinters before her.

“Okay, um... Bibidi bobidi, beat him up for me!” She shouted tossing the item at him. The crystal immediately broke, and a thick, yellow smoke started pouring out of its remains.

“Oh no, I just broke a thousand year old item!” She squealed. Somehow, her eyes began to transfix on the cloud as it obscured Zim. It kinda smelled like... vanilla. That wasn’t what she expected. She then heard his voice in the storm.

“Hey! What’s going on here?!” Zim yelled.

Leona watched the cloud fade away, seeing Zim once again. Only, he was on all fours,had pointed ears, was significantly smaller, furrier, and had small little paws.

“Oh my gosh... Zim. You’re...” She walked up to the now cat-afied Zim, “Sooooooooo cute!”

“Eh? What is the meaning of this?! What have you done to me?!” Zim hissed taking a defensive stance.

“Just look at you! You look so soft and cuddly! And far less threaten-“

Zim scratched at her face.

“Ah!” Leona shrieked, jumping back and away from Zim.

“You _are_ _going_ to turn me back!” Zim demanded.

“Yeah… Of course… Only problem is I uh... I don’t know how to do that.” She admitted, “You turning into a cat was just dumb luck.”

“_ Lies _!” Zim shouted, scratching at her again, “You will return Zim to normal at once!” He demanded.

“You know what, forget waiting the storm out! I’m gonna go home.” Leona darted past him.

“Hey! Get back here!” Zim gave chase in his new, fluffy form.

The rain was beating down on her like a drum as she all but sprinted through the oak laden forest. The rain eventually slowed down, and Leona allowed herself to heave over, sighing in relief.

“I... hate... rain.” She panted.

“Tell me about it. It’s a good thing I bathed in paste this morning.`` Leona Peered down at her shoulder to find Zim sitting there.

“Hey, get off!” She tried to swat at him, but he just climbed to her other shoulder.

“Never! Not until you cure Zim…!”

“Why should I?!” She asked and was answered with another scratch. “Eep!”

“Do it, or else!”

“You know, you were only cute for like, the first 5 seconds.” She frowned, “Anyways, why don’t you get those weird guys you live with to help you?”

“Zim can’t be seen like this in front of his allies!”

“Okay, okay... what about Dib? He actually knows magic and stuff.”

“And show myself to my greatest enemy?! While I’m like this?! No way! At least I can keep it under control with only you knowing of my hideous state!”

“Man, what do I have to do to get worst enemy privileges…?”

He scratched at her again.

“Well, fuck you, too.”

* * *

“Seriously Gaz, don’t you know how valuable that stuff was? Just leaving it, or smashing it was-“

“Dib, you’ve been ranting about this the entire walk home. If I didn’t care the first 23 times you said it, I’m not gonna care now.” She stepped up their house, “Now hand me those batteries you promised.”

Dib gave her the set he purchased with his money, and proceeded to walk into the house, fixing his hair that had been flattened in the storm.

“Okay, now to check out this doll...” Dib mumbled to himself, holding up his button eyed doppelgänger, “First I’ll have to make sure it’s not a voodoo doll. Then-“

“What are you up to, son?”

Dib yelped, nearly dropping the doll as his father towered over him, a curious look look on his face.

“Dad, I explored a witch's house today! This is what I found in there!” He held up the doll, “No normal house would have a scale replica of me, now would they??”

“Hm... Seems as though you might have a stalker on your hands. I’ll send my men to track whoever this is from.”

“Stalker?” Dib frowned.

“Now you know how Zim feels.” Gaz remarked walking past.

“This isn’t the work of a stalker, dad. This is some kind of magic!” Dib insisted, “I have more proof! I didn’t get as much as I wanted, but here’s some magic tools I also got from ransacking the place.” Dibbegan showing the contents of the bag to him.

“Those are just trinkets son. Trinkets from some poor, insane soul.” 

“No, it’s not! Let me cast a spell-“

“I don’t think so.” Professor Membrane took the bag from his sons hands, “I’m confiscating these. They could possibly be evidence for finding your stalker. And, it’s better that you don’t engage in your delusional para-science either.”

“But dad-“

“No buts, son. You know what’s important, don’t you?”

“I do know! But obviously you don’t... Or else you’d actually listen to me for once!” Dib shouted, “I did tons of research before going to that house! I _ specifically _ went there as a research outing! Is it _ really _ so hard to believe that I know what I’m talking about?!”

“Son, of course I know what you’re talking about. You’re talking about your delusions of the paranormal, like you always do. And I put up with it, because you’re my son, but _ also _ because I know your insanity is just a phase.” Membrane rested his hand on Dib’s shoulder.

What else did he expect? Dib gave up on the conversation, brushing his fathers hand away, and storming up to his room with a slam of the door.

“He never listens to me!” He ranted, collapsing backwards onto the bed, holding the doll to his chest, “I don’t see why that’s surprising though. Nobody does. And I’m talking to myself again!” He lifted the doll, looking straight into its button eyes.

“Well, at least you’ll listen to me. You _ are _ me, after all.” He sighed, “I’m gonna send a report about you to the Swollen Eyeball. Er... that’s the secret organization I’m in. And why am I still talking to myself?!”

He sighed again, going to his computer, and placed the doll next to it. With a few clicks a new document was opened, and he began typing up a storm.

“You know...” he looked at the doll curiously as he hit the send button “You’re not too bad to have around.”

* * *

Zim didn’t expect Leona’s house to be so... in the middle of nowhere. It was tiny, and a shade of pastel pink, and so... primitive looking. Man it looked old.

“Okay, I’m gonna sneak you into my room.” She whispered coming to the front door “Then I use the power of WiFi to try and search for a miracle cure, got it?”

“Does this house have... this _ WiFi _, you speak of?” He questioned.

“I’m not a caveman Zim.” She glared, opening the door, “It’s not even that old of a house.”

“Hmph. Well, now you’ve made the grave mistake of letting I, Zim, into your home!” Zim exclaimed, “What are you going to do now that I am in the perfect position to destroy you?”

Leona didn’t talk for a bit, seemingly trying to slink past a room. Zim could see looking in that there was a woman, looking at a picture, but of what he couldn’t say.

“What are you gonna destroy me with?” Leona asked once they were past, “Are you gonna eat some Meow Mix?”

“DO NOT MOCK MY MEOW MIX EATING FORM!” He shouted, clawing at her.

“Hey, hey! Quiet, or she’ll hear us!” 

She reached out towards him, so he planted his claws in her back.

“Ow-Ow-Ow!” She shouted “You little fuck!”

She ended up picking him up, so he started scratching towards her face instead.

“Fuck!” Leona held him away from her, looking in the other direction. “You shitty kitty, why don’t you-“

“And what’s going on here?”

Zim turned to see the woman from the other room was standing there with a look of disapproval.

“Grandma!” Leona turned to her smiling “I’m just... taking in this sick cat! The poor thing has turned green! I’ll definitely put up posters to find it a loving home while I treat it!”

“Yes, this human is currently my slave while I wait for a cure.”

“...He also has a twisted wrist.” Leona added.

“I don’t have a- OW OW OW OW!” Zim screamed as Leona bent him in a way cat’s- or Zim’s- should not be bent.

“So, please let me keep him? Please please please!” Leona begged her grandmother.

Her grandma glared at her, and Zim could feel Leona’s grip on him tighten.

“I swear I’ll stay out of your way!”

“...Fine.” The woman said one word, turned away, and went back to the room.

“Dammit.” Leona whispered “I was kinda banking on her not letting me keep you. Guess the theatrics worked. Anyways, to my room!”

Zim endured the humiliating carry to Leona’s room, glaring at her all the way.

“Say... Where are your parental units?” Zim questioned, “Only one of _ their _ parental units is here.”

“Okay, no.” She turned around, “We are _ not _ on the basis of me giving out my life story, goose.”

“...Wait, I thought I was turned into a cat, not a goose.”

“You wouldn’t get it.” She shrugged, “Anyways, don’t touch anything in here.”

Zim looked around. The room was of course horrible to look at. He couldn’t see the color of the walls, because bulletin boards and posters of people with big eyes had been hung up all around it. There were dolls were littering the pink carpet, all shoddy looking. He could tell just by looking that she had made them herself. The covers, white and dotted with the same pink hearts that were on the sleeves of her turtleneck were present, along with the old fashioned dresser stacked with DVDs. Some folders were scattered about as well. He strained his eyes to get a view of the nearest one.

“What’s... ‘Komahina’?”

“That’s private.” She snatched the folder off the ground. “Anyways, now that we’re here... I think we should discuss payment.”

“Eh?”

“I mean, I am helping you. I do expect a little... compensation.”

“You troublesome human.” Zim growled, “What do you want?”

“Oh, I make a humble request. You see...” She smiled “I want a copy of the complete SPHR series.” 

“...That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

* * *

Dib ended up falling asleep, holding onto the doll. He couldn’t find anything through looking at it, and the Swollen Eyeballs didn’t respond and he still wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t a voodoo doll, and… No he wasn’t attached! Okay maybe he was. A tiny bit. A lot. It didn’t matter.

He felt it slip out of his hands in the middle of the night. His eyes slowly opened, and caught sight of it sliding down the hall.

“Hey!” He shouted.

He leapt out of bed and chased after it, finding the thief to be a little rat. He chased after, looking to apprehend the creature. He pursued it out the front door- Why had it been unlocked? Oh whatever- and made it through the currently empty streets. Dib did his best to keep pace, but it wasn’t easy to keep track of.

“No, no, no, come on...” He looked around, “There!”

He found the doll but weirdly, it was sitting on its own, next to a half-opened door sitting on a weird block in the street he’d never seen before. He gave it a look. Was there something... glowing? A pull of it open revealed a tunnel, WAY too big to be attached to that tiny little block.

“Fascinating...” Dib grinned, “What’s in here?”

He began crawling through, and instantly had the sensation he was being watched. Something old, and frail, but powerful, was looking at him through whatever he could be seen through in this strange tunnel. Looking behind him didn’t help matters much. It was just a slow crawl until he met the end, and on the other side was... the same place he crawled in from.

“...Weird.” He stepped out, “Well, whatever.” He took the doll, and tucked it under his arm, “Let’s see what we can find.”

As he walked through, he noticed that the place was a lot more... occupied. There were more streetlights, and small little things in the street. Were those… He bent down, and his suspicions were confirmed. They were in fact, wisps. 

“Wow! These things are rare! Let’s see here...”

He reached out for one, but it fled at the sound of a voice coming from behind him, “There you are, son.”

Dad. Dib groaned, looking around. He nearly fell backwards at what he saw. He didn’t see his Dad take off his goggles often, but he knew THAT wasn’t what was underneath.

“You’re not my Dad!” He stood up, “My dad doesn’t have... have…!” Dib motioned to his own eyes to signify what he was talking about.

“Buttons for eyes?” He finished, “Well of course. I’m your other father.”

“...Other father?” Dib repeated.

“Yes! Everyone has one.” He said, “Come on in. Your other sister is waiting.”

Dib watched suspiciously as he entered the house. This was... definitely something he was going to have to research. He walked in, and noticed Gaz on the couch. But, aside from the obvious difference, carried over from the other father, he noticed how strange it was that she instantly looked up from her game. No, that wasn’t what was strange. What was strange was that she was smiling at him.

“Dib! You’re finally home!” She smiled, “Hey, wanna watch Mysterious Mysteries? There’s a special going on.”

“...You hate Mysterious Mysteries.” Dib said, suspiciously.

“Maybe your original sister does, but not your other sister!” His other dad exclaimed, “But you can have him another time Gazlene. For now, he needs me to deliver some lost items!”

“Lost items?” Dib questioned.

“Here, come with me!”

Dib ended up being led by the hand to his Other Dad’s lab, which opened in a far more ethereal and abnormal way than the lab back in his home. He followed in, and saw a bag that the man claiming to be his dad picked up, and handed to him.

“Here you go, son.”

Dib opened it up, feeling his eyes pop out of his skull. This made up for all the things his Dad took away, and more!

“No way!” He shouted, “You’re giving this stuff to me?”

“I know your original father took some items like these. So I decided to take the liberty of making more for you.”

“Wow... thanks.” He smiled, “Wait. You’re not gonna berate me for wanting these, are you?”

“Of course not.” He replied, “In fact, I’d like to hear about these items.”

Dib forgot all context of caution or suspicion. He was talking, an endless barrage, excited to finally be able to talk to someone about his passion.

“Well, where do I start? The talismans? The crystals? Even in that case, which one of them? Oh geez, there’s so many...”

“It’s okay, son. I’m willing to listen to you.”

There was much divulging to be shared, but eventually, Dib could feel sleep catching up to him.

“Come on, son. Let’s get you to bed. You can tell me more tomorrow.”

Dib yawned and started walking in the direction of his room, only to be picked up.

“Come on.” His other dad said. 

The room itself was a lot like his old room, but the posters of paranormal entities he had, had them moving around. Definitely a strange oddity to behold. He ended up drifting off to sleep, ready to take on the next day... and woke up back in his old room.

“What...?” He looked around, “Was I dreaming?”

In the middle of the wondering, his foot kicked something. He ended up looking to it and seeing the bag from last night. Looking in, he found all the items in there he could remember from the night previous.

It took a second to sink in, but then he jumped to his laptop, opening it up.

“Let’s see here...” he said to himself, his fingers quickly clicking the keys, “What can I find about ‘other fathers’?”


	8. Episode 6: Button Eyes 2/4

“I tried checking the door again and it just led to a bunch of bricks. But you’re gonna have to come and see it Leona! There’s so much it could mean!”

“Yeah...” Leona tried to shoo off Zim the cat with her foot. “Sounds like a crazy dream.”

“D..dream?” The other line sounded completely deflated with the single word. “What do you mean, dream?”

“Well, you woke up in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason, mind you, the door to your house was just  _ randomly _ unlocked, and what you found didn’t even carry over with you when you woke up. I dunno, sounds a lot like a dream to me.” She said, still absent-mindedly fending off the kitty menace.

“W-what about the magic items!?” Dib countered, his voice incredibly defensive.

“I don't know, maybe your dad just decided he was done with them and gave them back.” She shrugged, giving Zim a kick to send him soaring across the room, which was accompanied by a loud, hissing snarl. “By the way, Do you know any ways to reverse, uh, spells?”

“Well, I mean, it depends on the spell specifically. There is no magical cure-all for spells.”

“Right, fine, okay. Do you know how to reverse a transformation into a cat?”

“Um.. It depends. How did they turn into a cat?”

“Uh... crystal?”

“What kind of crystal? Is it a mewel? A purring stone? FELIDAE FLOURITE?! Give me specifics!”

“Wh- I don’t know, I’m not the expert!”

He huffed, clearly frustrated. “I can’t  _ help _ if I don’t  _ know _ . There’s specificities to this.  _ And _ I need to research the other world so I can’t list all the possible solutions.”

She huffed back, clenching her fists for a moment before forcing a calm voice. “I’m  _ asking _ you because I  _ need _ a  _ quick  _ solution!”

“Okay, okay, jeez... can you, like, bring the cat to me? Maybe  _ then _ I could figure it out.”

“Um...” She looked at Zim, who was getting up to glare at her. “Let's say... No.”

“Then I can’t help you. Sorry. Gotta go.”

“Wait, Dib, don’t hang up! Don’t you dare hang-“

_ Click. _

“Son of a-“

“Human!” Zim shouted, starting to claw at her leg. “ _ Where _ is my cure!? I need to be normal in time for skool tomorrow!”

“The more you scream, the less I’m gonna wanna help you.” She glared back, kicking him off and putting the phone away.

“So. The Dib stink wasn’t helpful? Not surprising.” Zim shrugged with his little kitty body. “So what now?”

“Now, I go into town and ask around.” She said, standing up and stretching. “You coming with?”

“Why would I  _ ever  _ show myself  _ weakened, and _ in front of legions of the enemy, no less?!?” Zim countered, bristling and looking indignant. “I will stay here.” He finished, turning away pridefully.

“Fine, Just don’t touch anything.” She instructed “Got it?”

“Oh, no need to worry. I tell my robot slave, Gir, not to touch stuff  _ all _ the time.”

“... I’m not even gonna get into that.” She said, not wanting to argue with the other. “Just don’t touch my shit. I’ll be back by the end of the day.”

Leona began stepping out of the room and left the house. Time to waste her precious day on god-knows-what.

~~~~~~~~

“What are you holding?” Tak’s ship inquired mechanically as Dib made his way into the garage.

“It’s.. nothing.” He did  _ not _ need any comments on behalf of the doll. He was just here to grab a few things he wanted to go with him while he looked across the neighborhood for things that would lead back to the other world. “Just ignore me.”

“That won’t be an issue.” The ship said sarcastically. If it had eyes,Dib could guarantee that it’d roll them.

He slinked past her, looking down, and took a few items he had stolen- i mean, confiscated to investigate-from his battles with Zimand pocketed them. Irken fun dip, a weird power ring, and et cetera. It’d be good to find equivalents and compare samples.

“I feel sorry for you seriously clinging on to that crap as valuable samples.. Or I would. If I cared about you.”

“Ha-Ha, very funny. Why couldn’t  _ my _ personality just stay in the ship?” He whined.

“Because  _ your _ personality had to be a sad idiot and  _ kill _ itself.”

“Oh yeah... I almost forgot.” He muttered childishly. “Well- whatever! Maybe I can get Leona to upload herself instead...” 

“Who?”

“Oh, she’s my new.. partner. Bet  _ you _ didn’t expect me to get any help.” He said, pausing to smirk. “I also have someone who I’m not  _ sure _ is an ally... I mean, even if she is I hate her but-“

“If you _ ever, and I mean ever, in your pathetic human life,  _ give me more details on this person, I assure you I will impale that massive head of yours.”

“... My heads not  _ that _ big.” He muttered, walking out. “Anyways, see you later.”

“Don’t come back safe.”

He ended up missing the first bus to town and having to get on the second. Not a good start, which probably didn't bode well, but... at least the bus he got on was actually clean. His feet trudged down the aisle looking for an empty seat, before stopping at one very familiar girl looking out the window absent-mindedly.

“Leona?”

She turned around and her eyes grew wide. “ _ Dib? _ Where are you going?”

“To do research.” He sat down next to her, placing the doll on his lap. “How about you?”

“Pretty much the same thing.” She shrugged. “Since the magic man doesn’t know any cat reversing spells.”

“Wait, you were  _ serious _ about that?” Dib looked at her “Who did you turn into a cat?”

“Um... that’s, uh, private.” Leona dodged. 

“You can’t just-“

“Anyways, you didn’t take the doll apart yet?”

“Oh. Uh, no, I haven’t.” Dib admitted sheepishly. “I just, sorta, don’t want to...”

“Wait. Did you get attached to that doll in  _ one night _ ?” Leona questioned.

“... Maybe.”

“Aww, That’s actually kinda cute!” Leona remarked with a grin. “Or.. it  _ would _ be if that doll didn't scare the hejeebies out of me.”

“Are you mocking me?” Dib frowned.

“I mean... you are extremely easy to mock... but nope.” Leona grinned “Seriously though. I had nightmares about that thing last night.”

“... It is pretty weird.” Dib noted picking it up and looking into its eyes “It kinda feels... bonded to me.”

“Oh wow, that’s so nerdy.” Leona said bumping his shoulder.

“Oh, yuk it up won’t you?”

“Hey, nerdy is good in my book.” She said putting up her hands “I mean, most stuff considered ‘nerdy’ is just another word for ‘interesting’ in my opinion anyways.” 

“Interesting huh?”

“Yeah. If you want, I can take my DVD player out and play something nerdy while we wait.” She smiled “I replaced the batteries  _ you _ went and stole.”

“... Sure, why not?”

“Alright, Sea Spirits time!” She said reaching to grab the item along with a pair of headphones “We’ll share these. One for each of us.”

“What‘s Sea Spirits?” He asked.

“Oh! It’s really cool! It’s about this person who defied a mob boss and gets sent to the bottom of the ocean and they’re saved by pirates and those pirates turn out to be- oh, wait I can’t spoil it. Let’s just watch.”

Dib suspiciously took an earbud and watched as Leona bought up the screen.

“Oh and no touching the battery pack this time or I’ll know it was you.” She instructed “Now let’s watch!”

Dib wasn’t expecting to get so into the show. The portrayal of ghosts were surprisingly accurate, and the story had enough intrigue to keep him going and engaged the whole time.

“Okay, we’re out of episodes on this disc.” Leona said as the credits began rolling once again “Anyways, what did you think?”

“Not bad.” Dib smiled removing the earbud “It’s quite a good documentary of ghosts. You have good taste. I just don’t get why you’d be so averse to the paranormal being real when you engage with this stuff all the time.”

“I thought of them as an escape, not documentaries.” She shrugged “I mean... I definitely didn’t mind learning some of it was real. Just didn’t think it’d ever happen.”

“... Huh.” Dib crossed his arms “I mean… them not being real was my worst fear. Imagine tracking down so much, only for it to be fake. Of course, I do have things I know are real now. Which is pretty cool.”

“... I’m pretty grateful to have found you.” She said “I’ve actually done great things and have seen cool sights all because we were in that same hotel room.” She put her arms behind her head “Before that I pretty much only had fantasies. And... I didn’t exactly have any friends.”

“... Friends, huh?” He leaned back in his seat a little “I didn’t exactly have any either.”

“Guess we were both the loser kids then?”

“I mean... Loser isn’t the word I’d like to describe myself as. More like... outcast. Misunderstood maybe.”

“You just have to make it easier to tease you, don’t you?”

“You’re the one who’s teasing me!” Dib protested.

“Okay, okay.” Leona laughed “For the rest of the bus ride, no more roasts. As thanks for watching this with me.”

“For the rest of the bus ride huh?” Dib listened to her laugh. He didn’t detect the malice in that laugh that he usually did when people took the time to guffaw at him. It sounded like she expected him to join in, and keep talking.

“... That is a nice laugh.” He said “And did I say that out loud?” 

“Yeah you did.” She smiled “But most people call my laugh annoying, so I don’t mind.”

“Alright we’re on Marrow Street!” The bus driver called. “2nd to last stop!”

“... We missed our stop didn’t we?” Dib asked.

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” Leona nodded.

“Great...” he sunk down.

“Whatever, let’s just get off here.” She stood up nudging him “Cmon, I know my way around this place. I visit pretty much every street in this town all the time.”

“How do you have time for that?” Dib asked taking the back of the other chair to lift himself up.

“I told you before, I constantly skip skool.” She replied.

“... What happened at skool to make you quit?” Dib asked. Even he hadn’t done that yet.

“... Sorry, but no.” She shook her head. “We’re not there yet.”

Maybe that was fair. Dib didn’t like it anyways.

“Fine. Let’s get off.” He turned away “Oh!” He grabbed the doll again holding it close “Can’t forget you.”

“Ugh. That thing is still wildly unsettling.” Leona moaned walking behind him “I don’t get how you aren’t ready to piss yourself just thinking about it.”

“I’m not getting rid of it any time soon.” Dib declared holding it out and looking into its eyes as he walked down the aisle. “Button eyes... Hey, do you think my other dad sent this? Since they both have button eyes?”

“Oh man... Now I’m just trying to think how button eyes work.” Leona said “Are they regular eyes? Or do they see through the holes?”

“Good question... I’ll have to ask that when I encounter him tonight.” Dib smiled stepping off.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Leona interrupted “You’re gonna try going back?” 

“Well, I’m going to try and recreate the scenario that lead to me finding the door first of all.” He explained. “After all, for all the studying I do outside the world, nothing would be more beneficial to research than being there! And... it’d be nice to speak to my other dad again.”

“Well, have fun with that I guess. For now, let’s hit up Burger Boys.” She pointed ahead and Dib saw a building that was covered in graffiti, primarily of the color red, littering the front of a rather non-special looking burger joint. 

“What happened there?”

“Oh they’re always getting vandalized by animal rights activists. Eventually they stopped cleaning it up and just incorporated it into the aesthetic.” She explained “C’mon, it’s still the weekend, time to engage in caloric nightmares of lunches and probably skip dinner.”

“How does this place get customers when there’s a poster of a cow being slaughtered in the front?” Dib questioned pointing to the offending piece of paper.

“This from the guy who talks at length about alien guts.” Leona commented “What? Does evil make gore a little easier to handle?”

“I see you’re taking advantage of the bus ride deal ending.” Dib noted sourly.

“Yeah I am. Now step on in.” She went to the door, opened it up, and struck a pose in the doorway. “It’s me!”

“Leona.” The man behind the counter regarded her with a neutral look “Who’s the big headed kid?”

“My heads not big!” Dib protested.

“This is Dib.” She said putting her hands behind her head “Dib, you got money right?”

“I do...” he made it to the counter hoping all the red he saw was just paint. “Uh... I’ll order a... wow that’s a lot of greasy stuff on the menu-“

He was suddenly greeted with a knife to the neck.

“You got a problem with that big head?”

“Ahn...” he was getting a feeling that red stuff was NOT paint. “I uh... I didn’t mean to upset you sir. Can I get uh... a chicken ranch wrap?”

“Alright... and I guess you can pay a little extra for that comment. Or... you know.”

“UH...”

“The knife is rubber.” Leona interrupted. “C’mon Smot quit scaring him.”

The man threw the knife at her and it bounced off her forehead to the ground.

“Ow!”

“And you want the usual Leona?”

“Yeah.” She took out a wallet with a variety of charms attached. “Don’t expect me to pick that knife up for you though.”

Dib paid the meal forward with Leona, and grabbed a table. 

“So where do you get your money from?” Leona asked him sliding into the booth.

“Oh, my dad pays me a weekly allowance. Normal stuff.”

“Cool.” She nodded. “I mostly make money off of YouShloob and social media followers.”

“Have you ever asked to get paid weekly allowance?”

“Haven’t. I may or may not get it, but I just kinda don’t feel like asking.” She shrugged. “And it is just sorta how I see myself making money for the foreseeable future so I’m keeping it.”

“Well, at least you get donations. Nobody on the forums I visit even listens to me.” Dib waved his hand around as he spoke. “People believe in the most absurd things but not the truth.”

“Absurd? We’ve bonded over fighting aliens, we’ve been on several Bigfoot hunts, and just yesterday, we recovered a bunch of magical items.”

“Exactly! That’s the kind of stuff that’s real, but people still don’t listen. I prove something fake, and people still believe in it.” He ranted. “Do you know how many people I’ve met that believe the earth is flat? I’ve taken pictures from space and they still try and disprove it.”

“You’ve been to space?”

“Oh yeah. Plenty of times.” He sat down across from her. “I even have a downed ship I use. Pretty cool huh?”

“Interesting...”, she smiled. “Tell me more.”

“Well... it’s a long story. I’ve got plenty of those.”

“Oh yeah. Like the whole ‘dying’ thing?”

“Oh that! Well, my memories of it are kinda fuzzy because it’s sort of an erased timeline. But basically...” he recapped the story best as he could with the bits and pieces of recollection he had. The server gave him a suspicious look as she sat down their food in front of them. “There was also a giant fish in a bear suit after that incident. Crazy stuff...”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?!” Leona put her arms on the table and leaned forward “You died!”

“Yeah... I still have nightmares about rubber pigs sometimes.” He said as he inspected his food. There was already a puddle of grease on the paper below it. “But it’s normal with Zim. He’s stolen organs, sent me flying headfirst into an explosion, and even turned me into bologna.”

“... Huh.” Leona looked down at her cheeseburger with macaroni substituting for the normal slice of cheddar. “I... Gee what do I say to-“

Suddenly a horribly autotuned Japanese song started playing. Leona gasped and scrambled for her phone.

“It’s my house. I gotta take this.” She said holding a finger up. “Hey Grandma did I-“, she stopped talking for a second as her eyes widened. “What the- How the hell did _ you _ get the phone?!”

Dib raised an eyebrow.

“You’re a cat right now, how did you even- oh my god quit shouting! I’m not gonna tell you my progress if you keep yelling at me dipshit! Also I’m in a restaurant right now so-“ in an instant she pulled the phone away from her and Dib could hear faint muffled shouting on the other end. They sounded eerily familiar but he couldn’t hear enough to place it. “Look, I missed my stop, sue me but-“ more muffled yelling. “Alright I’m hanging up.”

She pressed the button on the phone, a world of exasperation on her face.

“Who were you talking to?” Dib questioned as the phone started to ring again and Leona pressed the reject call button.

“I dunno wrong number.” She said, dumping it on the table. “You gonna eat those fries?”

And just like that, the conversation was over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gaz didn’t know how that weird block got into the middle of the street. It made a good place to sit and play video games though, so she didn’t mind it. 

She did notice something coming out of the side though. Some weird creature, slithering out, and planting itself in the grass. Gaz took a look up from her game to inspect it. It was on the ground, writhing, reaching, and twisting, all while remaining still and black. It was weird. She dropped to the ground opening the door, watching a tunnel go out in front of her.

“Meh.” She walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The food was eaten in an uncomfortable silence, that Dib couldn’t stand in how it was triggered so easily after he had poured his heart out. Nevertheless, he choked down the pile of lard in front of him and stood up.

After that it was just a matter of catching a cab home, his doll still in his arms.

“Well, I didn’t get any of the information I wanted. I did get an artery clogger though.” He muttered once he’d arrived home “I guess it could be worse. At least-“

He stopped when he got inside. Sitting on the couch next to his Dad was Rin.

“Rin!? What are you doing here?!”

“Your friend is just discussing science with me.” His dad said motioning to her “I have to say, I think she’s quite a good influence on you. Much more than that Leona character.”

“She’s not my friend Dad! She’s an alien!” Dib yelled waving his arms around. “And a manipulative one too!”

“Dib. I wasn’t expecting you to be back before I left.” Rin said smiling sweetly “But while I’m here, I might as well tell you a few findings I have. Mr. Membrane sir, can you give us some privacy?”

“Of course.” His dad stood up “It’s so nice seeing my son engage in people who partake in the art of REAL science!”

“Of course.” She had that same fake smile on her face as his dad walked off and didn’t remove it as Dib fixed his eyes on her with the nastiest look he could give. “So, your dad says you went into town?”

“Yeah. Paranormal research.” He said sourly. “Or... it was supposed to be. I was going to ask a few shopkeepers about things, but... I got sidetracked.”

“Boy you’re full of energy. So. Do you know what that thing in the middle of the road is?”

“Huh? That?” Dib raised an eyebrow “I... why are you asking me?”

“Well, I asked your sister and she just sprayed me with soda.” Rin grimaced. “Not a conversationalist. And with your dad I got a little preoccupied. Science is my mistress after all.”

“How do you even know it appeared?” Dib questioned.

“It appeared on my radar all of a sudden. I’m having my computers match it to some kind of data, but right now it’s elusive. Of course I do have theories but nothing substantial enough to confirm.”

“... Well I know nothing about it. I haven’t gone near it.” Dib was quick to lie to her out of the fact he just did not trust her. “Will you get out of my house now?”

“Well, if I was you I’d stay away from it. And warn your sister to not go near it as well. If my suspicions are correct, that thing is dangerous.”

“What are your ‘suspicions’?” Dib questioned.

“If I told you, I’d just be tempting you.” Her voice was low as she gave the cryptic warning “Learn there are forces you can’t conquer no matter how big your head is.”

“My head is not big!” He yelled.

“Mm-hm...” Rin offered a bored sigh, removing herself from the couch and beginning to walk past before stopping as she reached him “What is that?”

Dib looked to the doll in his hand.

“It’s a doll. I’ve been meaning to look into it, but-“

“Get rid of it.” She interrupted.

“... Huh?”

“Get. Rid of it.” She repeated slowly “That thing is dangerous.”

“Uh...” He subconsciously bought the doll closer to him. “Yeah. I will.”

“... You’re lying through your teeth aren’t you?” She crossed her arms. “Listen, I know what I’m talking about. As long as you have that doll, you’re in danger.”

“In danger? The world is in danger right now!” Dib accused “But you‘ve been keeping me from getting the evidence to save it!”

“That isn’t what we’re talking about.” Rin glared at him “You’ll die if you don’t take anyone’s advice, Kark!”

“... Kark?”

Rin instantly realized her mistake, and clamped her hands over her mouth as she looked down. And then...

“I’m leaving.” She said. “Just take my advice and stay away from that door.”

Dib looked on suspiciously then went to the kitchen to get a few pieces of food. Nothing too big, just crumbs to lay down. Then he went to his door and placed them down. Tonight, he was going to attract a few rats.

~~~~~~~~

“Alright I’m back.” Leona stepped into her room “How are- hey!”

Zim was looking through her komahina folder.

“Give me that!” She yelled “I told you not to touch anything!”

“Back off Leona human!” Zim shouted “I am engaged in this... gold of Hajime Hinata and Nagito Komaeda.”

“Wow, really? Because most people I meet aren’t big fans and- Wait, why am I being nice to you?” She put her hands on her hips “You know, I have half a mind to throw you out of my house!”

“I forbid you to do so!”

“Why not?” She stormed up to him her face turning down towards him. “I didn’t even want to take you home in the first place! And I went along with it, because I figured it was just, whatever! But you are  _ such _ an unbearable asshole. I’m starting to think I should just throw you out the window!”

“Your pathetic challenges mean nothing to me.” Zim hissed.

“Just shut the fuck up!” Leona screamed setting her arms down to surround him “You aren’t in any position to fucking shit talk me right now! You’re a cat! A cat version of someone willing to do whatever he wants to destroy earth! Give me one fucking reason not to call up Dib right now and let him know his arch-nemesis is useless now!”

“Zim is not-“ He examined himself, lifting one paw after another, looking behind himself and following his tail. “... But... I can’t be useless! I’m an  _ invader! _ What would My Tallest think!?”

Did she just...

After staring in reluctance for a few moments, she sat down next to Zim, sighing.

“Sorry. I know it sucks feeling useless.” She said. “No matter how much I don’t like you... I don’t want to make you feel like I always do.”

“Is how you feel great? Because I know I’m great.” Zim raised his nose with the haughty declaration “And I know the only reason I ended up this way, was because of you.”

“... You really are a special kind of awful, aren't you?” Leona said “I have never met anybody less likable than you. And yet, there’s people I hate more than you. Funny how that works.”

She felt her eyes growing wet and was torn between blinking them back so the alien cat wouldn’t see, or just letting them flow.

“... Are you crying?”

“Heh. You recognized it that easily?”

“Yes, well, Gir cries all the time. I always have to calm him down.” He mentioned “It’s quite a bit of trouble.”

“Yeah... it sure is.” She began petting him with the back of her hand.

“Oh! That feels good!” Zim began rubbing himself against the hand going back and forth and purring. Leona let him and used her free hand to wipe away tears. She was such an idiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rats took the bait. Dib, who had taken care to make sure he didn’t fall asleep by setting a myriad of alarms immediately burst after them, out his front door, and to the door in the middle of the street. Opening it up revealed the tunnel again. Just like the night before.

“Yes!” He pumped a fist and went into the tunnel, hesitating just for a moment when overwhelmed with that being watched sensation once again. With a bit of crawling, he was back in the other world and it looked even more fantastical than he remembered. There were constellations that were moving around, cool ivy running across the streets. He wondered if it grew since he was last here, or if he just didn’t notice it before.

He strolled up to his house again, humming a little tune as he opened the door.

“I’m home!”

“Hey, Dib!” The button eyed version of Gaz greeted him at the door. He impulsively flinched at the sight of his sister, but she was smiling. “Wanna help me beat this level?”

“Oh... you aren’t gonna accuse me of cheating and beat me up are you?” Dib tested.

“Of course not! Cmon!”

Dib went to the couch, already finding someone sitting there.

“Leona.” He crossed his arms when he noticed the button eyed version of the girl “So what are you doing here?”

She only smiled instead of giving a response.

“Uh... hello?” He spoke again after a few moments of silence “Aren’t you gonna mock me or something?”

She shook her head.

“Come on... say something.” He frowned.

“Oh, she doesn’t talk here.” He heard the voice of his father and turned around to see the same doll-like version of him standing above him “I know what she said could sometimes annoy you so, I fixed her up.”

“... Huh.” He looked back at her “How did you...”

“That’s not important! Enjoy your game! And go out to the garage when you’re done. There’s a surprise waiting!”

Dib watched him leave and looked back to Leona.

“So are you okay...? With the gag order I mean.”

She nodded pleasantly.

“Really? You don’t have any snarky comments you’re itching to say?”

She shook her head.

“... Well. I suppose this is preferable.” He grinned holding out a hand “Nice to meet you Other Leona.”

She took his hand and shook on it, while Gaz popped up behind him.

“Here. Take the controller.” She handed him two joycons that he cautiously removed from her hands. “Game on!”

Suddenly, the room started to come apart and was replaced with a whirling magical platform made entirely of glitter.

“Whoa...”, suddenly, the two joycons turned into brass knuckles. “Whoa!” He threw a punch and found his fist became encased in fire. Another punch revealed icy casing “Seriously! I have a failed prototype of weapons like these in the garage! In the real world I mean.”

“Yeah, the game automatically turns them on, but you can use them wherever you want.” Gaz said as her joycons turned into dual pistols. “Dad worked all night on them.”

“Did he now?” Dib grinned looking to Leona turning her joycons into a katana. “So who are we fighting?”

A beam almost like a scanner came into play and made a simulation of...

“Zim!” He yelled. And in that lame disguise too. “Well, even if it is a simulation, it’ll feel good to beat you up!”

He followed his first instinct to charge in, and of course, was promptly slapped across the face.

“Ow...” He rubbed the side of his cheek “Why do you have such a strong back-hand even here?”

“Let me get it Dib!” Gaz zoomed in and allowed him time to sidestep. Zim immediately activated a shield from his PAK. “Crap!”

“Keep firing! I’ll try and get him to drop his guard!” Dib shouted. He began throwing a myriad of punches that Zim avoided perfectly as he maintained the shield. Man, he was good... but wait. Something was wrong. This Zim was so calculated and precise when from what he knew enough about Zim, he was someone who thought on the fly. He should be shouting, or mocking him or...

He realized too late he let down his guard in his thoughts. In a moment, Zim went on the offensive and he was about to get spiked with a PAK leg. And then Leona came in blocking him with the sword.

“Dib!” Gaz shouted. “You can get him now!”

“Oh... yeah.” He nodded as Leona maintained the defensive stance, and made the jump on Zim. Square in the face. Oh that felt good. In a burst of flame, Zim was engulfed and in the next second he was gone. Leona stumbled forward pushing against a force that was no longer there.

“I... did it?” Dib asked. A congratulatory message displayed above him, and he smiled widely. “I did it!”

He instinctively hugged Leona, laughing hysterically. “I did it! I know it’s just a simulation but wow! I really-“, he then realized what was happening and broke away. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! You were just the closest!”

She just gave a little hand wave and in a second he felt his sisters arms around him, nearly knocking him over.

“You did it Dib!”

“Yeah...” He smiled as the room came back to normal. “Anyways, I guess we should check out what’s in the garage...”

“Oh, you and Leona go! I have to clean up some stuff!” She said while waving. “Thanks a lot for playing with me Dib!”

“Hey... it’s no problem...”, he said as Leona took his hand and started leading him to the garage. “Hey... have you played that game before?”

She shrugged.

“... Huh. Anyways what is- Oh!” He saw Taks ship. “Are we going to go on a space flight? I’ve been on a few of those...”

“Incorrect. I’m just here to offer my technology. And this.” The ship showed a captured wisp.

“Oh cool!” With that, he was now the one leading Leona along putting a hand on the jar holding the small creature “Let me see...”

His first thought was that it looked like blue fire, but he came to realize it had a more solid form than that. Still button eyed, and a long snakelike body that bobbed up and down.

“Amazing...” he grinned. “Do you have any other specimens?”

“Well, I can help you catch them!” Taks ship offered “There’s a fairy gathering outside pretty soon.”

“Fairy gathering! No way! Come on Leona!” He began leading her out of the garage. “Have you seen any fairies before?”

He looked back to see her shake her head. 

“Right... you still can’t talk. Well, I guess I can tell you about fairies.” He smiled. “Now contrary to popular belief they don’t live in mushrooms. Their actual homes are in poison ivy bushes. I uh, found out about that the hard way. But basically-“

He stopped when he saw the outside. There was a greater concentration of fairies than he had ever seen, out in the open.

“Wow...”

“Sit back and watch the show.” Taks ship came outside passing him. “I’ll try and get a few.”

“Okay...” Dib lowered himself onto the grass and awkwardly made sure he was descending at the same speed as Leona. “Um... maybe I should take notes...”

Taks ship sent a notepad and pen his way.

“Oh! Thanks!” He looked at Leona. “I’ll keep an eye out! You can just watch.”

She nodded pleasantly, as Dib took to looking at the sky. The legion of button eyed fairies danced in the air, twirling, leaving trails of pixie dust, and buzzing in conversations he couldn’t hear except the twinkling of bells. He scribbled down what he could notice, despite not knowing if they were the same as fairies in the real world, and he excitedly relayed every little detail he caught to Leona. In the midst of it, Taks ship was collecting them. 

Once it was over, his other father came and lead him to bed.

“I hope you had a good night Dib. And to see you again soon.”

“Thanks...”, he yawned. “Dad...”

He woke up in his normal room once again. 

“... back to the real world I guess.” He muttered getting out of bed. Well, he could compare his previous notes on fairies to the ones in the other world... and try again for the bus- Wait, bus! Skool! That’s right it was Monday! He groaned inspecting the doll. Did he really want to paint an even bigger target on his back by bringing that to skool with him?

... The answer turned out to be yes.

“You should’ve seen it Gaz!” Dib ranted to her on their way. “Maybe I can bring you with me! The fairies were right outside and I got specimens without getting a rash! And there was that really cool game where I beat Zim and-“

“Dib. Shut up.” Gaz growled. “I don’t care about some weird dreams you’ve been having.”

“It’s not a dream Gaz! I mean... it feels far too real to be a dream...” 

“Don’t you think it seems a little too good to be true?” She reasoned.

“That...” he paused. That did sound hauntingly accurate.

“I rest my case.” Gaz split off on her way to Mr Elliots class. That left Dib to go to Ms. Bitters alone. He spent that time pondering. Was it too good to be true? It seemed that way but...

He walked in and came to notice far less people were present than there usually was at this time. Mary, Gretchen, The Letter M, Zim- Zim! Where was Zim!?

“Students, the school board requires an announcement.” Ms. Bitters claimed “Several students have gone missing recently. As much as I wouldn’t care if any of you were included, I’m required to tell you all to be careful.”

Dib glared at Zim’s empty seat. What was going on?

  
  



	9. Episode 6: Button Eyes part 3/4

Chapter 6- part 3

Dib met up with Rin at lunch, slamming his hand down at the table where she was sitting.

“What haven’t you been telling me?”

The other people at the table gave him dirty looks, as Rin set down the book she was reading with a sigh.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She lied while glaring at him “Go away.”

“I’m not gonna let you just pretend things are business as usual!” He pressed “You know something! You told me yesterday that you did but you kept it from me!”

“Because it was just some boring schedule things.”

“Stop playing dumb!” He shouted.

“Will you give it a rest, crazy?” Brian glared. “You’re just spouting nonsense.”

“All I really was keeping was that I had a few plans I had for shopping. I was gonna hit the mall for some as seen on tv products. Didn’t think you’d get so worked up over-“

“Who is Kark?!”

Rin’s eyes grew wide, and then her face turned into a snarl.

“We’re done talking. Get out of my face Membrane.”

“No! You know something! Are you working with Zim?! Is that it? Huh?!”

“Just stop.” He heard the voice of his sister behind him “You’re just embarrassing yourself Dib.”

“I think that creepy doll he’s holding is making him more insane.” Zita claimed.

“That’s right- the doll! You said something about this!” He held the hand with the doll out to Rin “What do you know about-“

“I’ll be taking that.” Rin snatched the doll out of his hand “You don’t actually want this creepy thing, do you?”

“Hey! Give that back! That’s-“ he stopped himself. He was not going to state his attachment to the doll in front of a cafeteria audience, no matter what.

“Oh... is this doll your friend?” Sara then came behind Rin taking the doll from her hands “I guess the only person who’d like you would be you.”

Rin eyed Sara for a few moments then shrugged turning her back.

“Hey!” Dib shouted “I mean it! Give that back!”

“Fine. Who’d want your trash anyways?” Sara tossed it across the cafeteria where it landed in Poonchy’s food.

“Hey!” Dib ran to take back ownership of the doll as Poonchy fished it out, the glasses coming off.

“Ugh... This thing is so creepy!” The orange haired boy complained. “Who makes a perfect doll model of themselves?”

“I didn’t make it! I found it!”

“Who else would make this? It’s so...” He inspected it, clutching the side between two fingers. “Gee, even the heads huge like yours.”

“My heads not big!” He shouted. “And give it back!”

He made another reach for it, but Chunk came in quicker, snatching it by the cranium.

“I guess it makes sense you’d be into loser things like dolls.”

“I said give it!” He grabbed the legs of the doll and started pulling, resisting Chunks holding off of him by pressing a hand to his face, until he heard a hideous rip. It occurred to him what the noise was just a little too late. He was holding a headless doll, and Chunk had the rest, chuckling incessantly.

Well. At least he knew it wasn’t a voodoo doll anymore.

He didn’t realize how long he’d been staring until he heard someone comment on it, and the entire cafeteria laughing.

“... C’mon Dib.” Gaz walked up to him again. “It’s just a doll.”

“... I’m just gonna take a walk.” Dib dumped the remains of the doll on the ground. “See you around.”

Gaz had an eyebrow raised but didn’t object. Dib just tried to get out of the cafeteria as fast as he could without attracting any eyes that had thankfully went off of the scene. Then once he was out he ran to the other side of the skool and slid down against the wall. Why was he surprised this happened? Whatever. He could check on one of his Zim surveillance units. He opened up his laptop- hey how did he pull his laptop out of nowhere? Oh that didn’t matter. He booted up to see that Skoodge guy talking to someone, but whoever it was wasn’t in the cameras view. 

“I mean, we can probably engineer a cure but... why take this long to come to us?”

“He didn’t want you to see him. He doesn’t even know I came in here. But we need something quick.”

Hey... that voice sounded familiar.

“This is the exact kind of stupid thing I’d expect him to get into.” Zims computer claimed. “Of course, there is the chance you might be lying to get stuff from me... but I don’t care about that, and Zims not here so I’ll make the cure.”

“Zims not there...?” Dib repeated. “Where is he then?”

“Talking to ourselves are we?”

He started and glared when he saw the person talking to him.

“Rin.”

“Yeah. I looked all over the skool. Listen... I’ll make this up to you if you want. I didn’t mean for things to turn out that bad.”

“Why do you care?”

“... Well, I just realized yesterday how much you remind me of someone. And trust me. You’re better off without that doll.”

“... How can I be expected to believe you when you constantly just try to twist things to be the way you want? Tell me what the doll was.” He demanded. “Tell me why I can’t go through the door!”

“... I really shouldn’t.”

“Ugh! You’re useless!” He turned away from her and glared at the computer screen. “I don’t know why I’m talking to you. You don’t care about anything except yours-“

His words stopped right in their tracks as Leona appeared onscreen.

“Just make sure Dib doesn’t know about this. If he finds out I’m helping Zim, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Okay. Deal.” Skoodge shook her hand.

“Who’s Dib?” Gir asked.

“... No way.” He whispered before speaking a sentence where each word was louder than the last. “Leona is working with Zim?!”

“There’s probably a perfectly good explanation.” Rin said resting a hand on his arm. “Just don’t-“

“What are you hiding?!” He grabbed her arm. “This has all been Zims plan hasn’t it?! And you’ve been trying to stop me! And so has Leona!”

“Dib, get ahold of yourself.”

“I know your tricks now! That doll was something to stop Zim! You know more than you’re letting on!”

“You’re jumping to conclusions!”

“What do you know then?!” He shouted “Tell me! Now!”

“I see you enjoy being where you shouldn’t be during lunch and yelling.” Ms Bitters materialized in front of them with her finger already pointed in the direction she wanted. “Office. NOW!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I guess I should get out of here.” Leona stood up. “Thanks for letting me in. And for the Irken donuts.”

“No problem. I’ll deliver the cure to your house when it’s ready.” Skoodge said. “It’s kinda been lonely without Zim.”

“I for one, can’t wait to get him out of my hair. I’ll probably be wrestling with you in a week.” She shrugged while walking backwards out the door. “See you- Gah!” She flinched as one of the gnomes fired.

“Sorry. Couldn’t resist.” The computer claimed.

“You suck.”

She got another phone call from Zim while she was out on the street. Groaning, she picked up and held the phone a decent ways away from her ear.

“GET TO YOUR HOUSE! THERE’S AN UPDATE!”

“Ugh, not so loud! What do you mean-“ She stopped when her foot hit something. Lying on the ground was a doll. A doll with the same skin tone, the same hair, the same pink skirt, and the same black turtleneck with hearts stitched on the sleeves as her. She bent down and picked it up “... I’ll be right over.”

As she threw the doll aside she rushed home. When she got there she noticed a door she’d never seen before on the side of her house. Eyeing it suspiciously, she snuck in, and upstairs to Zim.

“What’s going on?”

“I have suspicions of what is going on. That door materialized at the front of your house earlier. I demand you let me go outside and investigate the neighborhood.”

“Do you know what it means?”

“If it is what I think it is, it’ll be bad news for both of our causes!”

“Okay... I’ll bring you outside.” She lifted him onto her shoulder. “Just get out of my hair as long as you want.” 

“Affirmative!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dibs ears were burning as he sat in the office next to Rin.

“Alright, your dad is on the phone.” The receptionist said shoving the device in his face “Make any excuse you can think of.”

Dib took the phone and started launching into a rant.

“Dad, there’s tons of missing people cases! There’s probably some connection! You need to believe me, for once-“

“Yes, we believe it to be the work of that same stalker who made your doll.”

“No! It was Zim! Please, listen to-“

“Son, I’m not engaging in your fantasies. As for your misdemeanor at skool... we’ll discuss that when you get home.”

“... Maybe I shouldn’t go home.” He muttered under his breath.

“What was that? I didn’t catch what you said.”

“It’s nothing.” He said a little louder. “Whatever.”

He handed the phone back to the receptionist who took it without a care.

“I’m really sick of seeing you in this office screaming about the supernatural. Can’t you get a normal hobby? But we’re done here. You can leave.”

“Fine by me.” He got up. “I have things to do.”

“I’m going with you.” Rin said. “I don’t trust you’ll be-“

“Not so fast. You’re not done yet blondie.” The receptionist glared at Rin. “Sit down.”

“Ma’am, I-“

“Down!”

Rin looked like she didn’t have an answer. Good. He was so sick of her, and seeing her for once unable to have control of the situation- of him... it was gratifying.

He walked out of the office but he didn’t go back to the cafeteria, or even to his classroom. He went to the front door of the skool, and walked out, taking care to dodge the various traps on the front stairs for students that were trying to escape prematurely. He did end up making a wrong step and having to avoid a few poison darts, but he made it out, and from there he started sprinting in the direction of his house. Adrenaline was carrying him, but it wasn’t to go home. Oh no. Once his house was in sight, he ran for the door and opened it. The tunnel was laid out in front of him.

“I knew it wasn’t a dream...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim had been seeing signs of it all over. Not good. He was supposed to be the one sending destruction all over, not them! What a horrid thing it’d be if part of his mission was done for him! He wouldn’t get all the credit!

He came to realize the place he’d wandered to was the Dib’s house. Well, he did go here to bother Dib a lot so that checked out. But on the street... was that... the door! So he was being targeted too...

He then saw Dib running to the door, and opening it up exclaiming “I knew it wasn’t a dream!” Zim eyed him crawling in, and immediately jumped to go in after him. Only one being was going to rid this world of the Dib, and that was going to be him!

He made sure he was far enough away not to be spotted as Dib entered the world, greeted by a button eyed version of his father. So it was true then.

“Welcome home son.” He said stroking the back of his head “I can tell you’ve been having a hard day.”

“Yeah... you could say that.” Dib replied.

“Well, go inside and get some lunch. You can meet up with your friends later.”

And the Dib even had friends! This was definitely what he was thinking of!

“Alright! You go ahead! I’m gonna try and see if there’s any more other-world paranormal phenomena to study.” Dib said.

“Of course!” 

Zim waited for the creature to leave and glared at Dib who was looking extremely pleased with himself as he took out a notepad.

“Let’s see here... What could be useful here to take down Zim and his cohorts? Considering how everything else in this world is better, I wouldn’t be too surprised if the supernatural tactics I pick up could-“

“Don’t even bother Dib-beast! You best be leaving this world!”

Dib jolted and dropped the notebook before looking around the scene for the source of Zim's voice.

“Zim! So you’re in hiding huh? Come out and face me then!”

“Uh...” Zim took a look at his cat form. “No.”

“Wha- come on Zim! I know you’re behind the missing kids! And I know Leona is working with you!” He shouted while still trying to find him. “My supposed ally was a guise for your schemes, but I figured it out!”

“Eh? Leona? Wait! Did she tell you about the hideous form I’ve been reduced too?! Oh I’m going to make her pay?!”

“... Form?” Dib stopped at the tunnel seeming to pin down where his voice was from and leaned down to look. “What could you possibly-“

He stopped when he saw Zim.

“You’re... a... cat.” He said his face growing into an even wider smile with each word. “Oh my god! You’re a cat?! That’s hilarious!” He then proceeded to laugh his ass off. “Irken Invader Zim reduced to a cute little-“

Zim ran up and jumped on his face to scratch him.

“Ow! Ow! Quit it!”

“I may have been reduced to this... cute form by the Leona creature, but I will not be beaten just because I am like this!”

“Ugh!” Dib managed to pull Zim off his face. “But what does kidnapping kids have to do with that?”

“That isn’t my work Dib!”

“Oh sure. People go missing in mass numbers and it’s NOT your fault?!”

“No I say! Listen! You are in great danger of-“

“Son! Who are you conversing with?”

Oh, not good.

“We will continue this conversation later Dib-beast.” He glared running off and doing a series of jumps to reach the rooftops- a difficult task when his current form didn’t have the same little ways of activating his PAK.

“Yeah... you better run!” was the last thing he heard from Dib. Fool. He should’ve been the one saying that to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Keep an eye out for him.” Was the final warning Dib gave to his other father while he finished his lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup. “That alien is up to no good.”

“Thanks for the advance warning. You’re quite smart knowing about this stuff.”

“Yeah... I am.” He grinned. “It’s nice knowing at least my other father is on my side.”

“That’s correct. Now, why don’t you go with your other sister and the other Leona? You can go have fun with them.”

“Thanks Dad...” He smiled. “I’ll probably be cracking up plans with them. Plans to stop Zim.”

“Is that so? Well you better get on that.” Dib nodded and ran to the living room, waving his arms hysterically. “Guys! Guys! We’ve got work to do!”

“Now, now, now.” A blonde girl on the couch stood up. “Don’t get too excited.”

“Rin...”, he lowered his eyes into slits as he viewed the other version of her. “What are you here for?”

“To help you of course. Come on. Follow me.”

Dib watched her walk away. Well, if it was this world, there was probably nothing bad about her here. He then felt the other Leona nudging him.

“Oh... yeah.” He smiled at her. “Let’s go.”

“You two are a good team.” The other Gaz said strolling past them.

“Yeah, I think the original is really-“ he said offering a smile. “Actually, that’s a story for when we’re in private.”

The other Leona gave an understanding nod and walked by his side while he gave a long winded list of theories what Zim was planning, and stopped behind Rin and Gaz at a garden he’d never seen at his house before.

“Huh...” he ran in taking in the sight of white flowers everywhere. “My regular dad doesn’t really grow anything that isn’t genetically engineered. This is pretty new.”

“And it makes for easy tea.” The other Rin took a flower Dib couldn’t identify, and it immediately liquefied into a dainty little teacup she was holding.

“Neat.” He smiled. “Anything else here to see?”

“Well, we could take the monorail and see.” Rin proposed.

“Monorail...?”

“I think it’s over there.” Gaz pointed to a sleek looking monorail as she walked past them “C’mon!”

“Huh...” He walked through with Leona, watching the other Rin navigate the garden easily. She managed to cut off a vine that was creeping towards them. Dib went and cut off a piece, putting it in his pocket for later study.

“So... I was thinking storming into his base. Since that’s what I usually do. And when I get in, I demand he stop running and face me and tell me his plans. He’s kind of an idiot, so he’ll probably tell me. And he’s a cat right now. I’ll just have to capture him, make him stop, and when it’s over, I can contain him until I show him off! Goodbye Zim!” He made it to the monorail and stepped inside. “Do you guys have any suggestions?”

Leona shrugged as she took a seat, and Gaz immediately ran to a game console on the other side.

“Hey Dib! They’ve got a ghost hunting game on here!”

“Alright! I’m gonna try looking out the window for stuff!” Dib sat across from Leona watching her grin.

“You’re... not like the real Leona. At all.” He told her. She smiled apologetically. “She’s pretty snarky... and usually her smile is more tired than happy... unless she starts talking about anime, or I show her something and she gets really excited. And right now... I don’t know if the whole reason she hung out with me wasn’t an act.” He leaned against the window. “I mean, I don’t usually have anyone on my side, so I guess it’s not surprising... but it really felt awful anyways. I guess because I didn’t have anyone like that around before.”

He hoped his glasses fogging up was just something to do with the air on the train. He didn’t want to consider the other option. The other Leona just gave him a few taps on the sleeve.

“... Well, if you’re not like real Leona I bet I can trust you more. I just...” he stopped talking as he noticed the garden from the top down looked like the ghost on his shirt. “Heh... I’m just glad this world exists at all.”

At the end of the day, Rin parted ways, and Leona just walked to the front of the house where Dib and Gaz were ushered in.

“See you later!” Dib smiled. She smiled back and kept the smile as he closed the door and turned to his family. “So. Any ideas for catching Zim?”

“Well... I think I can provide the materials to help get rid of Zim for good.” His dad told him “And then you can stay here.”

“Seriously?! That’s great!” Dib smiled running ahead of him to the dinner table. “I guess it makes sense. With all the stuff in this world, I have no doubt you’d have the key to eliminating the alien menace. And...” he picked up a spoon and viewed himself in it. “I can stay here... with you guys. And we could go on adventures together.”

“That’s right. We only have one condition. And it’s practically nothing!”

“Well, lay it on me!” Dib grinned. “I’m ready to do this, once and for all!”

His dad took a gift box off the counter and laid it down in front of him.

“For my expert paranormal investigator.” He said sitting down next to Gaz.

Dib lifted the top of the box keeping his eyes on his family then looked down to see two black buttons and a sewing needle. He dropped the top of the box.

“The process will be a short one.” His dad's voice made a comment while his eyes were stuck on the buttons. “We’ll even get new glasses to fit whatever new prescription you-“

“Wait no!” Dib yelled pushing the box away. “I’m  _ not _ agreeing to have buttons sewn into my eyes!”

“Why not? Did you forget what I can do if you sew them in?”

“I... I didn’t... but-“

“Don’t worry.” Gaz smiled. “It’s so sharp you won’t feel a-“

“That’s enough daughter.” The other dad said. “Dib, you know I only want what’s best for you... and I can’t do anything without sewing buttons in. Just say yes.”

“I...” Dib looked into the box “I need time to think about this...”

“Of course. You’ll see things our way soon enough.” 

“Um... I’m going upstairs.” Dib said. He got up from the dinner table and walked to his room, the noises he made with each step agonizing to listen to. Then he was in his room. Without further ado, he whipped out his notepad and a pen, turning to a new page which he divided down the middle and labeled the two columns. “Pros” and “Cons.”

“Okay, so a pro is that the other dad is going to help me stop Zim. A con is that this button sewing thing is gonna immensely hurt, and possibly blind me but...” his pen went back to the pros side. “I won’t get bullied... Dad will listen to and care about me... Gaz and Leona will go paranormal hunting with me every day... Rin isn’t trying to use me for her own gain, and Taks ship isn’t giving me sass...” he leaned back against the door and sighed. 

“Maybe I should let him do it. This world is pretty great after all...” he spread out his arms trying to think of a con, anything to talk himself out of poking a needle into his eye sockets. A reason came into his head but he was immediately confused when he thought of it. He wouldn’t be able to hang out with Leona any more. “Well I don’t see why that’s a problem... she’s working with Zim!” ... but hadn’t he teamed up with Zim on occasion? Like with the Tak incident or the baloney incident... she could have her reasons... his pen slowly made its way to the paper to write ‘Can’t ask Leona why she was working with Zim.’ in the cons category. If he just had a reason maybe this whole thing wouldn’t be so bad after all. And if it really was as bad as it seemed, then he’d go back and let him sew the buttons in. Yeah. That’d do it.

“Okay... one more night.” He crawled into bed. “Good night...”

He had an awful nightmare that night. He couldn’t see anything but he was drowning. In his desperate movements to escape from the sea, he found it was made up of buttons. They bound his feet so he couldn’t move, as he sunk deeper within and came to realize that he could see. Out of 4 little holes in the buttons over his eyes. He couldn’t be happier when he woke up.

“I’m home!” He smiled as he looked around. But he was starting to realize this wasn’t his regular house. He was still in the other world. “Or... not.”

This didn’t make sense. Sleeping had brought him back to the real world on both other occasions since he’d been here. So theory one: it was someone from this world carrying him back and forth and he didn’t take him this time. Theory two: Some magic force had been bringing him back home and it had somehow been blocked off this time. Okay maybe it had malfunctioned... but he had a feeling that wasn’t true. The fact he was still here after the disturbing condition was presented to him last night, probably meant he was being contained until he complied with the other fathers wants.

He took a deep breath. No big deal. He just had to go out through the door then. In three... two... one...

“Chaaaaaaarge!” He shouted running out of the bedroom door and down the hall and next the stairs. He didn’t stop until he hit the door to the house and tried opening it with all his might to no avail.

“Don’t bother. Dad doesn’t want you outside right now. He’s recharging.”

Dib turned to look at Gaz on the couch. She seemed... faded.

“Hey... are you okay?” He asked “You look... bad.”

“... As soon as Dad finishes recharging I’ll be fine.” She said.

Dib eyed her with suspicion and walked up to the tv. There was nothing on but static.

“... So your energy is connected to Dad?” He theorized, leaning into her. “How does that work? Unless...”

Gears were turning in his mind, interrupted by a jump in static on the screen.

“Hey... how much was here before you?” He asked Gaz, sneaking a resentful glance at the television for scaring him.

“... I’ve said too much.”

“... Fine. I’ll talk to the other Leona.” He huffed indignantly.

“Don’t bother. You can’t see her anymore. She frowned... something she isn’t supposed to do and Dad got mad...”

“Mad?” He didn’t like the implications that word carried “What do you mean-“

The tv came to life again with the most wretched ear piercing noise he had ever heard, and what looked like spirits beating on the glass. Without thinking he ran, going over to the closest window and pulling. No good. That was locked too. He ran across the house checking various windows but they just wouldn’t open! With the window in the kitchen, he stepped back and sighed. “Oh, he’s probably locked all of them. How am I even gonna...”, his eyes fell to one of the chairs.

One shattered window later, he was crawling outside, cursing as he poked himself on the sharp pieces of glass, and arrived at garden. Everything looked like it was dying. Fading and choking yet slowly rejuvenating. That was just as disturbing.

“So this world needs to be rejuvenated... it’s not a natural setting...”, he said walking through the reanimating garden “But what’s the point?”

“Must you always ask useless questions, human pig-smelly?”

He stopped in his tracks and looked around glaring. “Zim... where are you hiding?”

“Well right now I’m trying... to get into sight but I’m having difficulties.” 

Dib followed the voice and found the green cat struggling with the vines from yesterday.

“What? You can’t deal with a little vines?” He grinned crossing his arms. This was a delight to watch. 

“I hope you know it’s your fault I’m in this situation Dib-smell!” Zim proclaimed. “You alerting that creature that I’m here meant I spent the entirety of last night avoiding him! You better be sorry!”

“Why would I be sorry? This is great for me!” Dib smiled. “The other dad is expending energy he should use recharging to catch you! That means I have more time to think of a way out before he’s on his feet, and you’re being taken care of too! It’s a total win!”

“Why you insolent little...”

“See you later Zim.” Dib turned around. “Maybe I’ll come back to-“

He tripped and it didn’t take long to realize why. A vine had wrapped around his foot.

“Ow!” He whined. It was sharper than he thought. Maybe that was because of the current recharging process.

Or maybe it was to keep him down in his escape attempts.

He was dragged backwards into the grove of vines that started tangling around his torso, his other leg, and yes, his head. Every vine pressing against him was like having a knife held to the surface of his skin, not enough to cut the appendage off, or even full on stab him but just enough to cut into him, with a stinging sensation of pain.

“Ugh!” He swung at the vine with his right arm but that just led to it getting caught. Well, he had one good arm left and even that he was mostly moving to a rhythm to avoid getting caught. There wasn’t really anything nearby to- wait!

He dug into his pocket and found yep- the vine sample he took had sharpened as well. He swung it at every vine he could see, then stood up and viewed the remains. 

“Why would they try to capture me...?” He wondered aloud.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He swung around to see Zim had been freed due to his vine cutting spree. “You were going off to see something that you’re not supposed to see.”

“... Something I wasn’t supposed to see huh?” He asked putting the vine back in his pocket and walking forward through, and eventually past the garden “Hey. What do you know about this?”

“Well it’s a real problem for me. If I’m not the one bringing the earth to its knees then that’s bad.”

“The missing people... does this world have to do with that?” Dib asked as he walked forward. He noticed in front of him that his vision was going white. No that wasn’t right. He could still see his hands in front of his face and the rims of his glasses, and Zim, but the world itself was a sheet of white. “Hey... why is this place empty?”

“Because nothing was made beyond this point, earth-dummy. It’s all been assembled in a rush to impress you.”

“Why do this though?” He questioned, feeling the eeriness of his footsteps through the harsh white of the void. “What’s the point?”

“It’s similar to you. It needs to eat.” Zim said, somehow explaining, and saying nothing he could glean anything from at the same time.

“Eat? Wait, wait, wait. Is the thing it needs to eat... me?” 

“What else would it be?” 

Dib eyed Zim. He knew the guy was a serial liar but usually it was easy to see through him on most occasions. But...

He began noticing something in the distance.

“Hey, we’re getting somewhere!” He began running ahead. “What is-“ 

He stopped when he saw it.

“No... this can’t be... this is just the same street I entered from.” He looked around. “You can’t just walk away from something and end up at the front. Unless... you walk around the world.”

“Small world.” Zim came up behind him. “Oh, and you might wanna duck.”

“Duck for wha-“ 

He was suddenly knocked on his forehead by a fairy that fell to the ground.

“Ow.”

“That thing is looking for me.” Zim scowled, walking up to it. “Let me deal with it.”

“Hey, you’re not gonna-“

Too late. He had torn the fairy in half. Immediately it faded into nothing more than a worn out doll and sand spilled from its insides rather than blood and guts. It was ten times more sickening.

“A whole world of dolls...”, he picked up the top half of the fairy. “Huh...” 

“Don’t waste time with your filthy drivel when the exit is this close.” Zim glared.

“It’s not drivel! And why are you helping me?!”

“Because, I can’t have the world being thrown into chaos by someone that’s not me!” He declared extending his claws. “You wanna protect the earth? Then do it against things that hinder MY conquering of it.”

“So that’s how it is.” Dib glared. “Well, you’re not beating me any time soon, and I don’t need my arch-enemies help.”

“Too bad. I’m helping. And the exit is over there.” Zim began strolling to the door.

“Huh... I thought the other dad would be out here...”, he commented as he followed and opened up. “Did he finish recharging?”

“Nobody cares. I go first!” Zim shouted running through the path.

“Fine. Whatever.” Dib rolled his eyes. “Let’s just go-“ suddenly, a gloved hand came along and closed the door. “... Home.”

He turned around and gulped at the sight of the other dad, with his mouth covered and soulless button eyes so he couldn’t gauge his expression. Hopefully the whole “eating” part wasn’t going to come in now. He let out a squeak as his shoulders were gripped and he was lifted up.

“Hi Dad...” he smiled sheepishly. “Just out of curiosity, how do you recharge?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re back.” Zim declared “So, Dib-shit, you should know that right now your world is being-“

He then looked back and saw the Dib wasn’t anywhere behind him.

“Curses!” He growled. “Of course he’d get captured... well, whatever. I don’t need him anyhow.”

He began strolling back to Leona’s house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Son, you know I was worried about you...”, the other father said. “What were you doing out here?”

“Oh... I was just hoping to go home... compare and contrast worlds before I made the big decision...” He said, reaching for his pocket. “You know how it is right?”

“Why, I would like to convince you more to stay. After all, I’d love to see my son more.” 

“Oh yeah. I know.” He said digging into the pocket. “But I just sorta feel like- take this!”

He whipped out the sharpened vine and swung at the fabric of his coat, hoping to be able to get away by detaching the fabric he was being held by. It was knocked out of his hand by a quick flick of the other fathers wrist however and landed far away from him on the ground.

“Now son... I don’t want you to struggle.”

Okay, no more nice talk.

“Let me out of here!” He shouted. “I’m going to see my Dad! My real dad! Because you’re a big old sham!”

“Son...”, the other Membrane spoke in an impatient voice. “Apologize for that comment.”

“No! Not until you let me go!”

“I’ll count to three...”, he glared. “One...” his neck began to make cracking sounds as it grew and revealed his mouth that appeared to be sewn shut, while his arms grew bone thin and twisted around in an unnatural way. “Two...” The growing distance from the ground indicated that the other father was growing in height, and his face became thin. Dib couldn’t think to do anything other than stare in awe. “Three!”

He suddenly felt the sensation of needles piercing his skin, and a look at his other fathers ruined gloves told him why. They looked like bundles of sewing needles strung together to imitate hands. The stinging stopped and his noticing of himself falling to the ground told him why that was. He stopped falling when he was grabbed by the shirt and carried off.

“Let go of me!” He yelled trying to undo the sewing needles’ grip. Getting free would probably result in a ruined shirt, but he didn’t care much for that fact when he was fighting for what could quite possibly be his life. He was carried into the house, shouting. “Gaz! Help!”

The other Gaz looked up, but the other dad simply used his free hand to stand her up.

“Why don’t you go for breakfast daughter?”

The other Gaz obeyed despite Dibs screams for help, as he was walked up to the tv, and shoved into it, phasing through the glass and being dropped on his back to see the monstrous other father give parting words.

“You may come out when you learn to be a loving son.”

He got up while he disappeared from the screen and banged on the surface hoping to get through himself. It yielded no results.

“Help! Dad! Gaz! The real ones! I’m trapped! Help!” He kicked and screamed for a while trying to escape but... nothing. In a groaning fit of acceptance of his situation, he gave a few glimpses around the room, seeing how barren it was compared to the colors and vibrancy the rest of this world presented. It was damp and everything seemed like it was made of cheap concrete, ready to collapse any second. And there was a rickety bed in the corner of the room with three glowing bumps in it. His first thought was ghosts, but he was pretty sure if they were in this world, they were just more dolls to keep him lured in but... oh he couldn’t help himself!

He walked up and extracted the sheet and saw... three inhuman shaped ghosts with buttons over their eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re back late.” Leona regarded Zim as he made himself comfortable on her bed. “So, what is it?”

“It looks to be exactly as I suspected. Even the Dib human is caught up in it.” He glared.

“... Dib?” She questioned “What about him?”

“He’s been ensnared... by a beldumb.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Who are you?” Dib asked “Are you part of this world?”

“We are now...”, one of the ghosts said. “I can’t even remember my real mommy and daddy’s names.”

“Your real... you don’t mean... you’re it’s previous victims? What... can you tell me about this world?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“They feed on a child's love for sustenance.” Zim explained, licking up the fur on his arm. “So they settle on different planets and send out dolls to existing children.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He watched us through the eyes of the doll...” One of the children said floating along the wall. “Saw what was wrong with our lives... and lured us here to see this world...”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“The world it constructs is to perfectly ensnare the child like a spider in its web.” Zim continued .“A perfect world to make the child want more...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So we let him sew the buttons into our eyes...”, another child said, pointing to his eyes.

“And we lived here...”, the last one floated along “Everything we did was in this world... the food we ate... the activities we participated in... the love we received... nothing of our original lives remained... so our souls could only remain here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Once the child grows old enough that it can’t be a suitable source of food they’re cast aside and locked away.” Zim said. “Their souls destined to be trapped there forever.”

“Wait...” Leona grew pale. “That creepy doll... the other world... Dibs in trouble!”

“Yeah I know, I saw him.” Zim waved.

“You what?! Why wouldn’t you do anything?!”

“Because... I hate him?”

“Ugh... Whatever. I just need to go and warn him.” Leona began preparing to go out.

“Have fun wasting your-“

“You’re coming too!” She picked him up ignoring the meow of surprise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So I’m just a prize huh?” Dib leaned back against the wall. “Well he can’t keep me in here forever if he wants to earn my love.”

“Maybe you can help find our eyes.” One of the ghosts suggested. “That would free our souls.”

“... Your eyes...” Dib looked down. “I don’t know where to even begin looking... but if it means putting this to a stop I’ll gladly-“

He was cut off when his mouth was covered and an arm wrapped around him, dragging him back out of the room. He let out a muffled yelp as he struggled against the grip using his legs to run backwards and slam his assailant against the couch. That seemed to cause them to fall back and he looked behind him to see...

“Leona?”

No it was the other Leona. And her mouth... it had stitches in it to force it to smile. Dib instinctively reached out to remove them.

“You... you came to save me didn’t-“

She stood up and clamped a hand over his mouth. Just as he did, he heard the other father.

“Dib? How dare you disobey your father?”

Leona grabbed his arm and ran him outside to the door, opening it up for him.

“Thanks. Cmon.” He said motioning for her to come. She just shook her head. “You have to come! Who knows what he’ll do if he finds you!”

She shook her head and reached out, pricking her finger on the sharp point of his hair and showing off the sand pouring out.

“But... you can defy him! That means you have to be able to live outside the bounds. Please just-“

Her arms wrapped around him in a kind, apologetic hug, and then he was shoved into the tunnel, the door shutting instantly. Looking back, he turned and went through the tunnel that looked like it was falling apart much more than the other times he’d seen it, yet the feeling of being watched was all the same. Eventually, he made it to the end, and slammed himself out the door, landing face first into somebody.

“Ow, ow, ow!” He heard them complain, and opened his eyes to see Leona, holding her head and clutching Zim.

“Leona...” He looked at her. “What are you doing here?”

“Ugh... trying to save you dummy! That thing was trying to-“

“Yeah... I know.” He looked down.

“I was unwittingly bought along for her pitiful rescue attempt.” Zim glared. “I’m not here because I wanna be.”

“You jerk.” Dib sighed. “So... Leona.”

“Yeah... I was really scared for a second.” She also sighed. “I had to come... without a plan... or equipment, man I didn’t really think this out did I?”

He had seriously suspected her of manipulating him from the start for Zim. Full of regret, he wrapped her in a hug.

“Hey! I can’t get any air like this!” Zim complained.

“Hey, you don’t need to hug me.” Leona said. “It’s not that big a deal.”

“I know. I’m just... returning a favor. Best as I can.” He let her go and stood up, offering a hand to help her stand “Now c’mon. We should find Gaz and crack up a way to stop this.”

“Of course that’s what you’re concerned with. Well, let’s go. I could go for chilling with her and playing a level in Mario.”

“Yeah... so, Zim...”

“I threw a magic rock at him, and he won’t stop annoying me until I fix it.” She shrugged.

“I see... the alien menace manipulated you huh?”

“... I mean, to be honest, even I’m not sure why I’m helping him so you might as well have hit the mark there.” She shrugged.

“My manipulative mind is quite large.” Zim agreed. “Just like Dibs head.”

“Well, if we can cure him and getting back to his alien self, we can record him and bam! Alien exposed!” Dib crossed his arms with a satisfied smirk on his face. “I knew those artifacts would come in handy.”

“Oh yeah? Well I won’t help you if you do that!” Zim shouted, like a toddler.

“No offense but nobody wants your help, Zim.” Leona said.

“How dare you?!”

“Anyways, high security prison. I’m telling you it works.”

“Oh, he already did that in the simulation.” Zim said.

“What simulation?”

“Don’t bring that u-“

“Dib tossed an infernal muffin at my head, so I put him in a simulation with superpowers. All he did was give a speech and kept me locked up.”

“That was just a simulation!”

“That you thought was real.”

“That means nothing!”

“Oh wow, this is priceless.” Leona smirked “What happened next?”

“What happens next is we go inside.” Dib began dragging her to the house “Gaz! I’m home!”

He was ready to hear a loud “Shut up!” for his comment but... nothing.

“Huh, I guess she’s taking the ignoring me route.” He shrugged. “Maybe she’s eating breakfast right now.”

“You humans and your need to eat breakfast... and lunch... and dinner...” Zim reprimanded.

Dib ran into the kitchen arms wide open.

“Gaz! I’m home-“ Wait. She wasn’t here. “Huh...”

“Hey, the console is still on.” Leona commented from the other room, “and the game isn’t paused either. She doesn’t have many lives left...”

“Wait... Gaz would never do something to risk her high score.” Dib ran back in. “This is weird. I guess I’ll have to enter... the forbidden zone.” 

He gulped and started walking upstairs and into Gaz’s room.

“Gaz... hey, how are...”, he was still alive. That meant Gaz wasn’t here. “But it’s way too early to head to skool... is she in my room for some reason?”

He went to his own room seeing nothing, but taking a look at the magic items his other father gave him. He went up to them and easily broke one letting sand fall out.

He stepped back and began running down the hall, and downstairs to the phone quickly punching in a number.

“This is Membrane labs.” A man on the other side said.

“I need to talk to Professor Membrane! Right now! I’m his son!”

“Yeah sure. Do you know how many calls we get from people claiming to be the professor’s son?”

“Yes! Those calls are from me!” He shouted. “Look, something is going on at our house and-“

“That’s not the professors problem.” The man said. “His problem is that he’s missing in action.”

“He’s... what?” Dib blinked a few times. “No way! Dad wouldn’t be missing from work! Work is pretty much his life!”

“Look, I don’t have the time to speak to some kid right now. Later.”

Click.

“Whatever you were talking about it didn’t sound good.” Leona came in. “What’s going on?”

“Dads missing...” Dib looked at her .“This is...”

A knock on the door interrupted him.

“Oh! Gaz!” He began running to the door. “Thank goodness! You know, for a second I was scared you were-“

He opened the door to find Rin. 

“Huh? Rin? Why are you-“

“Oh, thank god you’re okay.” She sighed. “You went through the door didn’t you?”

“Plenty of times. And I’m gonna go through more doors!” He declared. “Seeing as mankind is threatened by them!”

“Oh for the love of...” She rubbed her temples and walked in past him. “Look, the key to solving this isn’t too... is that Zim?”

“... Nope.” Zim said simply. “Disregard me, inferior human creature.” 

“It’s a long story.” Leona sighed.

“Okay, fine, you two just follow me to my base. Preferably without the little kitty.”

“Hold on, let me go to the garage for Tak’s ship! She has to have some information!”

A dark look fell over Rin’s face for just a split second but Dib caught it. 

“That’s not a good idea.” She said. “Come on. Just follow me.”

“Alright.” Leona unceremoniously dumped Zim on the ground and began going with Dib out the door. “Zim, you keep looking for Gaz and his Dad.”

“Hey! I wanna come!”

“If I catch you in my house I’ll declaw you.” Rin glared. “C’mon, baby’s first world defense.”

“I know you mean that as derogatory.” Dib glared.

“Good job.” She shrugged dragging him out by the collar. Leona followed and slammed the door when Zim ran up to it, while Dib broke free from Rin and locked the door.

The trip to Rins house consisted of an interrogation from her about his experiences in the beldumb’s world. He gave his recaps and findings, trying to keep an eye on her.

“So... you’re saying this other version of me couldn’t talk.” Leona said, with her eyebrows pointed down in a sour look. “And you were cool with this.”

“Uh... Yes that is true.” Dib admitted

“And apparently the whole reason I didn’t talk was because it was deduced you’d like me better if I didn’t talk.” She crossed her arms. “Am I getting the details right?”

“... Well… you are… but-“

“Okay, cmon. This is my base of operations.” Rin said motioning to a quaint little abode.

“Huh. Unlike Zims freakish little house, this actually looks like an actual place someone would live.” Dib commented “How did you build it?”

“I didn’t.” Rin stepped in and Dib noticed two adults walking around the house. “I brainwashed the couple here into thinking I’m their kid so they would let me stay and have been constructing a base of operations in an empty bedroom.”

“You WHAT?!” Dib looked over to the couple happily going about their day. “No! I won’t allow it! Sir! Madame! You’re being brainwashed by an alien! That’s not your child!”

“... Who  _ are _ you?” The father asked.

“Hi Mom, Hi Dad these are my friends.” Rin said. “We’re going to my room, and it’s private so don’t come in bye!”

Dib was dragged off against his will protesting and shouting out warnings as Rin took him to a room with blandly colored striped walls, and a simple bed and nightstand next to a blue colored rug.

“This is your base of operations?” Leona asked in a disappointed tone of voice.

“Yeah. Zim’s base has a lot more tech. As well as… Tak’s.” Dib deliberately pronounced the name with gusto “Do you know who that is?”

Rin had a look like she knew she’d been caught.

“No.” She said closing the door and locking it “This is the cover. Nobody suspects anything to happen in here.”

“... This isn’t gonna end with a deadly game of truth or dare is it?” Leona questioned.

“... No.” She said taking the rug and pulling it out to reveal a door underneath and lifting it up to a network of machines beneath.

“Whoa...” Dib started taking out his camera which was quickly snatched out of his hands.

“Thank you for your donation.” Rin calmly said, tossing the object aside. “Now go on, get in.”

Dib mumbled a few choice words as he entered the door, helped Leona down, and watched Rin jump down, her disguise dissipating into what Dib realized was the first time he was seeing her true form.

“Wait. Your glasses aren’t just a part of your disguise?” Dib questioned. “I thought irkens had ocular implants designed for perfect sight. Why do you need glasses?”

“Well, the rebels would gift them to their scientists.” Rin said with a smirk as she adjusted them. “They’re a show of our intelligence and intellectual minds.”

“... So you just wear them to make yourself look smart?”

Her smile fell and she started to glare at him as Leona cracked up in the background.

“This is why I hate kids.”

Dib was the one smirking now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim couldn’t BELIEVE those troublesome humans had left him to stew in the house. He didn’t even have the equipment to set some horrible trap for when the Dib came back. That’s why he was stuck clawing at the door.

“That Dib-thing will pay for locking me up!” He growled. “Why did that Rin call for my removal anyways? Perhaps... she has some secrets? Like the humans weaknesses... hehehehe...”, he smiled. “Maybe she’s worth some inspecting. Now GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

He kept clawing at the door for another round of time scratching and cursing at it.

“Curse this earth technology! It’s made it so I can’t get out! I’m being defeated by it! The only way out is-“, he then noticed an open window “Oh.”

He jumped out and followed landing on his feet with a little jig as he walked along. “Zim wins! Zim wins! Victory for Zim! Victory for-“

He made a loud meowing as a car nearly ran him over. So he might’ve let his guard down in the place of the enemy. The owner of that car must’ve sensed danger and tried to run him over. But he avoided him!

“Ha! Take that car person!” He taunted strolling across the road. “You have been bested by- eep!” Another car went in front of him. “Oh no!” He made it across the street to the beldumb’s door. “It seems there were extra defenses to keep me in check. Nice try Dib! But-“

Suddenly his foot started sinking. He let out a scream and pulled his foot away hissing at the black hole that almost pulled him in.

“What is this? It isn’t normal of beldumbs.” He looked down at the writhing darkness he almost sunk into. “What kind of horrible...” Actually... it almost seemed like physical creatures writhing there. “The Dib family...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, here’s the computer I picked up the beldumb’s signal on.” Rin explained coming up to a screen. “Do you copy?”

“This stuff doesn’t look as great as the stuff in Zim’s base.” Dib commented.

“Yeah, I’m rebel scum, and also a scientist not an invader. This is just stuff I’ve made myself from things I collected as a spy.” Rin calmly said as she typed out something to fast for him to see. “Though I’ve also taken the liberty of stealing some things from your dad’s labs to use in this base.”

“You WHAT?!”

“So is there anything we can do?” Leona asked “Maybe we could try freeing people who’ve been lured in!”

“Oh you’re not going anywhere near those doors.” Rin glared. “They’re like webs. Designed to catch flies. And the flies in this metaphor are people about your age. What’s important right now is thinking of and engineering a way to get everyone in that territory out, and then get those things off the planet.” She sighed. “Even the small potato Irken technology I have should be sufficient in making a suitable defense for this planet at least. Of course, they’d never use this technology for anyone but themselves because children being kidnapped by beldumbs means more of the planets defenses being poured into that, making the perfect opportunity for takeover.”

“Wouldn’t beldumbs be common knowledge throughout the universe if they’re so dangerous?” Leona asked.

“It was ruled to keep them secret.” Rin sighed. “Why let the universe know something that you can use to take advantage of them?”

“Just awful...” Dib grimaced. “That’s awful!”

“Yeah, Irkens are pieces of shit. The rebellions attempts to warn planets just led to them being seeked out and killed. But right now, you’ve got someone on your side who’s counting on this planets defense as their hiding place so consider yourselves lucky.”

“So that’s all it is?” Dib frowned.

“Yep..” She solemnly said. “But forget the depressing stuff. Here’s what you can do. Dib you’re the tech smart one, so you can help me with the programming. Leona, I’m going to try and get signals into some doors. Try to send messages to help any children captured. Although if they’ve got buttons in their eyes, skip them. They won’t be able to get out until we trigger the defense system.”

“... What about the lost souls?” Dib asked cautiously. “The ones who are already dead?”

“... Nothing can be done for those children.” Rin said calmly.

“What about their eyes?” He protested. “They said if I found them then-“

“We can’t have people going in there looking for eyes. Not unless they have death wishes.” She sighed. “Just don’t think about it.”

Dib glared as she pulled up a coding screen.

“Come on. Let’s make it so we’re not skipping skool for nothing.”

“Oh, that’s an art I perfected.” Leona said. “Let’s get some contacts!”

Dib didn’t see any other options. He sat down in the seat next to Rin before hearing his stomach grumble.

“Oh. Uh... Rin?” He smiled sheepishly. “I haven’t had breakfast.”

“Oh yeah. Neither have I.” Leona chimed.

“Right... you humans need to eat far more than irkens.” Rin groaned. “One second, I’ll get my fake parents to make something.”

She stood up and reactivated her disguise walking off.

“Thanks Rin!” Leona called out.

“Mmhm.” She made a lazy noise and exited. That left Dib to look at the screens.

“I’m gonna make sure this program doesn’t have any ulterior functions first. Rin isn’t exactly up front about anything.”

“Hold off on that, I’m trying to figure how this contacting people machine works.” Leona mentioned. “Okay... so I’m just gonna be sending messages into the world that I won’t be able to pick up their responses too. In one try. Yeah, no pressure or anything.”

“Well... you can probably do it. You seem to know people pretty well.”

“I’m not gonna get a chance to talk to any of them Dib.” Leona said kicking back. “And besides. They might like me better if I don’t talk.”

“Oh... uh... sorry about that.”

“... I know you’re not the one who made it happen. But... It means you wanted it to some degree and... I dunno. Maybe that’s speculation and I’m overreacting but... I guess it means you still don’t respect me to a degree?”

“No that’s not it! I just… you always bring things up and then dodge them. I feel like I can tell you anything but then you make it feel like there’s some incomplete piece and it makes it all stop. That version didn’t bring up any unanswered questions. I just told her things and she listened and there was nothing I thought was missing.”

“Why do you need every little detail about me?” Leona questioned.

Dib thought back to earlier.

“... I guess I was scared this whole friendship thing was a sham.”

Leona looked over at him expression softening.

“Yeah… that’s why I haven’t shared much either.”

“If I might interrupt this little moment...” Rin strolled back in deactivating her disguise. “Here. Breakfast.”

She passed both of them plates with... an odd combo of ingredients.

“Uh... Rin? What is this?” Leona looked up at her.

“I heard this was some French cuisine. Crepes I believe? I had the stuff to make it so...”

Dib and Leona exchanged looks.

“Alright, now put some pedals to the metal!” She said “We need some brainstorms people!”

“... Well first of all, this is just a tortilla covered in Nutella.” Dib informed her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin, Dib and Leona managed to come up with a system together. A series of agents that’d travel through the wire system and “deactivate” the beldumb’s territory, forcing real people out. The agents would travel across every wire system on the earth, and seeing how everything was connected to wires these days there wasn’t an inch that wouldn’t be saved. The wonders of technology huh?

That left them working on their assigned tasks. Dib was pretty well versed in the language of code so they were able to collaborate on that front. Leona would sometimes come in asking how it was going and Dib would explain some of the ways of the code. She nodded, clearly not understanding it. To be honest, Rin hadn’t worked on a team like this for a long time.

Eventually, the humans started asking about lunch. Man those things couldn’t last long without food. They also requested they come with her this time to avoid a repeat of the crepes incident so the whole thing was put on pause while her “mom” made a few soft shell tacos while Rin convinced her today was a skool holiday.

“Alright brats, the food is ready!” Rin called once it was cooked. She waited for a few moments for them to come and didn’t get results. “What are they up to...?”

She began going towards the living room hearing their voices.

“Wow, that place sounds cool! If someone as impulsive as you was able to resist the temptation then there may be hope yet.” Leona commented. Rin eased in to watch. “Thanks for the confidence booster in my side of the project.”

“Uh... are you being sarcastic?”

“Who knows!” She threw her hands up. “But what made you decide to resist?”

“Uh... it’s nothing.”

“... Alright. I guess that’s your secret.”

“... You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I’m… pretty sure nobody who’s faking it would stick around for  _ this  _ long. And… honestly even if you are, I'm just happy you did.”

“I guess I feel the same way.” Leona grinned “And it’s hard not to get attached after all this time. Put her here.”

She held out her fist, and Dib smiled and put his own against hers.

“If I may interrupt.” Rin stepped fully into view. “Lunch is served.”

“Rin?!” Leona jumped. “How long have you been listening?”

“Long enough.” She smiled. “Now come on.”

Dib and Leona awkwardly stood themselves up looking extremely self aware, and Rin watched them pass... before grabbing Leona by the shoulder.

“If you ever want to give skool another try, I’m willing to study with you.” She said.

“... Uh... what do you want me to pay?” She asked suspiciously.

“No payment necessary. I’ve got a lot of free time here.” She said while walking past. “Now come on.”

Rin didn’t eat lunch on account of it having meat, and it was done pretty quickly.

“Hey... if you don’t mind... can I head home?” Dib asked after the meal was finished. “I need to make sure Zim hasn’t gone anywhere and... I want to check on my family.”

“... Dismissed.” Rin shrugged her shoulders, and Dib was immediately out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on Gaz pick up...” Dib muttered holding the phone. “I know you’ll hate me for calling you but...”

“You will regret calling this number.”

“Gaz! Are you-“

“And you better not leave a message at the tone. You have been warned.”

Beep

“Ugh!” He thought after trying his dads lab all day his sister would yield better results but nothing. Maybe he could ask Zim if- where did Zim get all that equipment?!

Dib ran up to Zim pointing a finger.

“What are you up too?!”

“Oh, you’re back. I just stole some equipment you had lying around to study this blotch.” Zim said.

“What blo- ngyaaaa!” He backed up at the strange thing. “How long has that been there?”

“For the last two days.” Zim said simply with his kitty paws going over the keyboard to type.

“Two days?” He looked down. “I didn’t even notice.”

“Of course. You were meant to walk into the territory of the beldumb, not find the thing meant to capture your family.”

“My family?!” Dib looked deep into the blotch and paled as he could not see but just sense that aura of Gaz and his father.

“I’m researching how it works, but my theory is, seeing as your earth father engineers your fancy gear, they could use him to counteract any defenses used against them. As well as provide leverage.”

“Then...” Dib looked into the swirling aura. “Then I have to go back.”

“Go back? Wow Dib-stink, why have such a huge head if it contains such a tiny brain?”

“Of course you don’t understand.” He muttered “Well whatever! It’s time to save my family!”

He ran into the house and entered his dads lab packing a set of items. A whirring razorblade, some night vision goggles and... some weird spyglass machine labeled “for lost things”. He wasn’t quite sure what it was but it seemed useful. 

Action time. He went out to the door and opened it. The path was laid out. Deep breath. He could do this. Just go in.

“You know you’re walking right into his trap don’t you?” Zims voice came up behind him “You’re walking to your doom Dib-beast.”

“... You can’t stop me Zim. I can’t just sit idly by for this.”

“... Fool.”

Dib looked behind him and saw Zim was walking away. Dib turned back to the tunnel and crawled in. He was being watched. No turning back now. 

“Alright other father... I’m coming for my family.”


	10. Episode 6: Button Eyes part 4/4

Chapter 6-4

Dib felt like the presence watching him in the tunnel was too unsubtle to be the other father. It was far more powerful and that’s what scared him most. But, as one would always say, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Son?”

“Dad?!” He could see his father- not with the weird contortions the other father had and wearing the goggles on his face “Dad! Oh thank goodness! Where’s Gaz?”

As he sped through the tunnel and past him, he felt a sense of dread as his coat was tugged back.

“There you are.” Dib was afraid to look back at him but it was probably worse if he didn’t so he did and saw the other father removing his goggles and contorting into that form. “Why did you leave?”

Okay. He knew he was going to face down the other father if he came here. Time to do it.

“Let go of my family.” He demanded “I’m only here for them.”

“I have no idea where your family is... they probably just got fed up with your antics and moved away without you.”

“That’s not true!” He protested hating how it made bile rise in his throat at the thought that it sounded very much like something that would happen “Give them back right-“

He suddenly felt dread climbing up his spine and took notice of clothes on the other fathers arms. More particularly, a black turtleneck with two hearts stitched into each of the sleeves and a pink skirt.

“The other Leona...” He forgot everything for a second, looking on in abject horror “What did you do to her?”

“Don’t worry. There’ll be a new one soon enough. I know you didn’t care enough about her seeing as you left her here.”

“I... No I tried to but-“

“Just come inside with me. You’ll forget about her soon enough.”

Dib hated this tactic, even when it came from his real dad. The shut down. Make him feel like the path being suggested was the right one because he couldn’t possibly be right. He was in the lions den now wearing a jacket of meat and with the head lion knowing exactly what made him tick. Now he had to outmaneuver the lion. 

“Okay...” He chose to play the long game “Let’s go in... Dad.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay! The message is written!” Leona said

“Good. Go home.”

“Oh come on! I can still do something!” She insisted “Can I help with the coding?”

“... What do you know about coding?” Rin asked.

“Well... I know it involves a sharp tongued witty person sitting at a computer and typing?” Leona offered.

“Yeah... you’re not ready.” Rin sighed.

“Oh come on, please?!”

It was going to take a bit of skill to brush her off it seemed.

“Have Dib teach you the basics when you’re on your own. You two do seem to spend a lot of time around each other.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you know what friends are. Unless you don’t have any?”

“Well if hacking did require a sharp tongue, you’d be an expert.” Rin said “How do you get it? I mean despite that little comment it seems like you didn’t have any friends before Dib.”

“... None of your business.”

“... roll up your sleeves.” Rin instructed.

“Huh?” 

“You heard me. Or is there something you’re hiding?” She proposed not letting her disdain for the nasty category she was about to get into come into her voice “Scars perhaps? I noticed there’s some foundation on your face to cover one in particular. It seems you’ve been keeping it on extra long to avoid Zim seeing it. There’s probably marks all over your body.”

“... Asshole!”

“So what’s it like hanging out in the back alleys, looking for the chance to fight off a mugger?” Rin asked rhetorically “You must rehearse these things all the time.”

“What about it, fucker?”

“I just think you must’ve been so excited moving up from boring back alley fights to alien invaders.” She smiled “You were probably getting too good. Needed a challenge. But for an adrenaline junkie, you sure seem to hate consequences. Running away from school because you hate failing. Running into fictional worlds because you hate reality and trying to start your own adventure on your own. And running right to someone who sees you as a convenience for the sake of alien hunting adventures.”

“Wha- no he doesn’t!” 

“He literally had a world where you didn’t talk and then tried to guilt you into giving info.” She said really hating herself with how much she was putting into the tactic to make her run off “Are you really that naive? I thought you’d be more world weary.”

“He wasn’t guilting me! Was he...?”

Stop it right now.

“I mean, you’re using him too! Seeing how you just want to be a protagonist! Because you desperately need to prove to yourself that you’re not-“

She felt a fist collide with her face and rubbed the offending spot when it connected looking at her glasses that had been knocked off her face and to the ground. Yeah, she probably deserved that.

“I guess I was right. You don’t have any friends.”

That too. She watched Leona leave and heaved a sigh. Okay. She’d... probably have to make that up to her later. But for now...

“Let’s see...” she typed in a few things on the keyboard “What contact has Tak had with this planet?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing here... nothing there... was there nothing in this house that could point to how to rescue his family? He tried looking under the stairs, tore up the cushions, and so on in his quest for the clue he needed. Nothing. Meanwhile, the other Gaz was just crumbling into the couch looking at the static on the tv. Wait! The tv!

He went to it poking his head in (and he had to make a few separate attempts to do that) and looked.

“Hey... guys? Have you seen my family around?”

“We don’t know them...”

“Right true sorry, uh... they’re missing. Not a good thing. We’re working on something to save everyone and-“

“Does that mean we’ll be saved?”

“Ah. Er...” he bit his lip. There was that nasty little guilt feeling. “Sorry but...”

“We understand.”

Oh man, that was even worse.

“Look I... I just need to find my family. By any means necessary.”

“And why is that?” He heard a voice behind him.

Dib gasped and took his head out (a few more attempts to do that) looking at the other father.

“Oh no. I’m not staying here!”

“Really? Why would you go back to live in a world that makes you miserable?” He asked, “Your real father only sees you as an embarrassment doesn’t he? I know you’re not insane.”

He gulped. It almost sounded reasonable to him.

“You can’t tempt me! I’m just gonna find my family!”

“And how easy has that been?”

“Well uh...” he gritted his teeth “It’s going... well.”

“... Why don’t we have a wager?” He asked “You win, I give you back your family. I win, you stay and I give you the buttons.”

“What are the conditions?”

“You choose. Nothing too easy of course, but other than that, it can be anything you want.”

This was a trap, this was a trap, this was...

“Then if I find your old victims eyes. Then I’ll take the deal.”

“Hm... very well.” He said holding out the needly hand “Deal?”

“... Deal.” Dib took the beldumb’s hand into his, feeling the cold needles piercing his skin as his hand was accepted and shook up and down.

Dib tried his best to keep his calm while the other father began entering the tv... probably to do something to the children who warned him of this world... and looked to the other Gaz. She was clearly fading. He was sure if she had actual eyes, they would look dead.

“... Hey... Gaz? Are you okay?” He asked.

She nodded, the sound of sand sloshing around in her head apparent.

“... I guess you can’t object to being okay. All of you were made for was to make me happy.” He sighed sitting next to her, “You don’t even have a will of your own. Having one would just make you end up like the other Leona.”

“... Mm-hm...”

“... You’re only half-listening. I know that now,” He sighed, “and even still you’re not my real sister. I have to go look for the eyes now. Goodbye.”

He started scooting to the edge of the sofa to get off, but was interrupted with one last. “Dib?”

“... Yeah?”

Suddenly his neck was grabbed. He was able to get a load of Other Gaz’s extended arms lifting him up as he kicked in vain. 

“What are you-“

“Making you unconscious. Can’t win the bet if you’re knocked out can you?”

“Please... let me...”

“Trust me Dib. I don’t care about having you around any more than you want to stay here. But I’m not gonna be sitting around waiting for dad to decide I’m useless. So just shut up and go to sleep.”

Dib wasn’t going to waste his breath talking back, but his tiny lungs were already running out of air. Thoughts went through his head in quick beats before he remembered the bag he was carrying. 

In a quick move that would either make or break him, he lobbed the bag at the other Gaz’s head. She fell over, and Dib was dropped, bouncing off the couch and onto the floor coughing his lungs out. He gulped and stood over her, but the sand he noticed pouring out of her mouth knocked him back down. Oh boy. That was… he began heaving.

In the midst of evacuating his stomach, he noticed a couple fairies raiding the contents of the bag.

“Hey!” He reached for it and noticed a small colony going for the device he picked up from his dads lab he didn’t know the purpose of. He took the device, shook them off and kicked one of them on the ground, which seemed to be able to encourage the rest to flee and regroup. 

He gulped in a breath of air which felt like the first real breath he’d taken since being dropped and looked at the device “Why steal this?”

It looked like some kind of spy glass. Standard. He pressed it up against his eye and- “Whoa!”

The entire world went to gray except for one spot twinkling brilliantly a radiant shade of purple. Closer inspection revealed it to be... Gaz’s necklace.

He closed his eyes and turned his head away as he reached for it and pulled back. It was in his hands now. Once he was certain he wouldn’t see her in... whatever state that was if he opened his eyes, he looked and saw it was still the normal shade. But he heard a voice in his head as he held it.

“You found me! Thank you!”

Dib sat bewildered for a few seconds before nodding in understanding and placing it in his bag. One down. Two to go.

“If the residents of this world are holding onto the eyes then the next place I should check is...” He stood up “The garage. Here I come.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“God, what a fucking asshole!” Leona ranted at nobody “Zim might be bad, but at least he’s too stupid to be manipulative! Maybe she wasn’t actually a rebellion fighter! Maybe she just said that for sympathy points.”

“Zim is not stupid!”

“AAAAAAAAAAH!” She fell backwards on her butt and looked down at Zim “Zim?! Uh... how much of that did you hear?”

“I heard you calling me stupid! Which I’m not by the way! I’m a genius irken invader-“

“Okay, do you wanna go home or...”

“No!” He shouted loud enough that Leona was pretty sure she just lost two years of hearing “Listen here! The Dib is in trouble!”

Leona listened to his recap of the situation and her first words after said recap were “He went without telling me?”

“The Dib-dookie isn’t very smart I agree but more importantly! If I let him die, you probably will be too mad at me to make me my cure so... chop-chop.”

“... Sure. I’ll even carry you.” She said picking him up by the ears.

“Ow! Leona human! That hurts! Put me down! Put me-“

“Eat shit Zim.” She said simply “Or whatever it is that comes out of irkens.”

“Traitor! Filthy conspirator!”

“Shitty-kitty.” Was her only response she pulled out the whole way back to Dibs house.

“Okay... beldumb.” She said once they reached the house “I have no idea how to fight you, but I gotta stop my friend from getting trapped in a horrible hell dimension somehow...”

One, two, three steps forward... and the next one knocked her to the ground.

“Fuck!”

“Graugh!” Zim exclaimed.

“Ugh... what did I trip over?” She muttered looking to see a hole in the ground near the door with a vine stretching out and around her ankle. “Oh... that’s not good.”

She started trying to pull against it but then was struck with a sharp pain. “Ow!”

Her hands flew to the vine and tried, assisting in what was causing her foot pain but then she came to realize, she was being dragged.

“No! No!” She struggled, gritting her teeth from the pain she was experiencing.

“My amazing claws can’t cut through the vines!” She found Zim standing by her and hissing.

“Okay, then do you have any other ideas?” She asked. She then picked up on how Zim was smirking. “Oh no...”

“I can’t believe you actually got captured! It’s so pathetic! I don’t think I even need you for this! The only really important element is Membrane seeing how he might be a detriment. As for you... you took too long in making a cure. Consider this as me firing you. I’ll find some cure, then work on making a countermeasure to the beldumbs. Hopefully you’ll be dead by then.”

“For a cat, you’re a real son of a bitch!” She screamed “I can’t believe I started warming up to you a little bit!”

“Yes, yes. Well, I’m off to go find a way to retrieve Membrane. You... go rot or-“

He let out a meow as Leona snatched him, and howled in pain as she stood up making slow, pushing steps towards the door.

“What are you doing?!” Zim shouted as she collapsed on the ground in front of the door, struggling to stay there as she opened it up.

“I don’t know how to get you to save my ass. But I do know if I just say, locked you in here, you’d have to go help Dib.” She said shoving him in “Sucks to suck doesn’t it, suckaaaaaaaa?”

She gave a final middle finger as she slammed the door, and hopefully, didn’t give him enough time to notice she had nothing to lock the door with. She just kept her body against the door with all her might, although the vines pulling was making that hard. Eventually she stopped hearing scratching, started hearing cursing, and then finally heard pawsteps. She gave herself time to relax but that just resulted in a sharp pull that took her a few feet back.

“Urgh! Let go!” She pulled at the vine, and yelled as several sharp thorns appeared piercing her skin. “AAAAAAUGH!” She pulled back and realized she wasn’t getting out any time soon.

“A heroes death…” she muttered. It didn’t really perk her up as much as last time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Filthy traitorous Leona!” Zim shouted as he trailed down the tunnel “Now I’m going to have to ensure my escape with... Ugh... I don’t even want to say it...”

He made it into the world, noticing plenty of things made more gray by the lack of reconstruction of the world. “I should know better than to...”

“Oh my.” He was stopped to look at a button eyed version of the Rin-human smiling far too wide “Look what cat got dragged in.”

“Leave me alone pig smelly. I’m just here for Dib.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait.” She circled around him “I can’t let you off just like that. I mean... a potential helper to the one we’re ahem... trying to keep is not a great idea.”

“I’m not helping Dib out of my own will. This is just an obligation.”

“Hm... then... maybe I can let you off in exchange for something.” She cooed bending down “Information perhaps?”

Zim would normally tell this copy of a human to get lost, but she had an unsettling air he didn’t want to go against.

“... What kind of information?”

“Oh it’s simple really.” She smiled “Tell us about Leona Sumali.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib was looking through his spyglass as he entered the garage. Sure enough in Taks ship, there was an eye. He couldn’t help grinning as he made his way over, but yelped when his foot was burnt on something. A wisp. He tried to step over but realized it was following his foot. His next thought was handstand, but he couldn’t really do that, and it seemed to follow his hand as well. Were they just going anywhere he moved? A few more tests confirmed that. Okay if that was the case then...

He took a few more steps until he was out of the garage... then ran in at full force, using the speed to jump and propel himself into Taks ship. It worked! He laughed as he viewed the eye through the spyglass, finding it was the top of the one of the joysticks for the console and took it but the instant his hand closed around it an alarm rang out and he was wrapped up in wires.

“Guh!” He screamed no longer feeling good about this endeavor.

“Unauthorized presence detected! Activating defense mechanisms.”

He noticed a white gas pouring into the ship, and he really did not wanna stick around to know what that was. His arms weren’t free enough to try the bag strategy again however nor grab anything else. All he could do was struggle against- Wait! The wisps! He just had to use movement to attract them! He struggled and wiggled against the bonds as best as he could hoping they were close enough to sense it. Well he noticed them coming closer so that was good. He started struggling more, while trying to not inhale, an exhausting task and not one he was totally successful in. But the wisps came close enough to burn through the wires, and freed up his hands enough for him to break free holding the eye and collapse on the ground. He kept still for a while to keep them from closing in and... he did it.

“His web is unwinding.” A voice rang inside of his head “Only one more of us to go.”

“Yeah... and I think I know where to look.” He stood up and walked, very careful to keep away the wisps, and sighing once they were no longer a problem, to the garden looking through the spy glass.

“Looking for this?”

He spun around and saw Rin holding a ball. One look through the spyglass told him it was the last eye.

“Give me that!” He lunged for it, and she dodged easily.

“Why would you ever want to win this game? You may be young, but even you know, that the family you have doesn’t love you like a family should do they?” She said “If you save them and go home, what do you think is gonna happen?”

“Easy for you to say! You’re not even real!”

“Oh... aren’t we so smart?” She asked, “But not smart enough to stay with the family that actually loves you.”

Maybe it was true, the other dad loved him. But it was in the same way a dragon loved treasure, or a ghost loved the item it was possessing. He just saw him as a benefit to himself and nothing more.

“Just give it to me!”

“Hm...” she tilted her head “Maybe. If you can catch it!”

A fairy came and took it from her, and above the garden, and he turned to give chase, but scalding tea was pouring onto the ground from the flowers burning him. He shouted at the pain trying to press ahead but he was grabbed by his wrists by the vines and pulled back into it.

“Ah! Stop! Stop!” It really hurt so much. He stood up trying to pull them off but it didn’t do anything. It was strong as steel! Wait. Maybe… he could melt them? He bent down and held the edges of the vines in the tea (but not his hands. He wasn’t quite ready for that.) and the parts of the vine that were in there melted away. Not very heat proof. Now he just had two sharp bracelets. But the eye! He looked to see it was getting away.

“Give it here!” He reached up with the hand holding the spyglass, which proved to be a mistake when a few fairies grabbed on and began pulling him off the ground with it.

“Hey, that’s mine!” He shouted but it didn’t do anything. And any further off the ground he wouldn’t be able to get back down without breaking something. He closed his eyes and let go, falling to the ground with a hard smack and pain coursing through his body. He groaned then looked up. It was gone. The fairy was gone. His spyglass was gone. Any chance he had of winning the game was gone. His family was gone. His soul was gone. It was all gone.

“No, no, no there has to be something...” he said going through the bag “Something to get it back, some kind of...”

“Wow, you really are useless, aren’t you?” He looked up to see Zim with a... dead? He still wasn’t sure if these things could die or if they were ever really alive... okay getting back on track, there was a possibly dead fairy holding the eye in his mouth.

“Zim!” He shouted.

“Why you...” He then heard the voice of Rin behind him “You uncooperative little-“

“Wait, do you and the other Rin know each other?”

“She tried to press me for information about your pathetic ally, but I refused to give them any details that could possibly be useful to their plans. So go away, idiotic doll creature.”

“I’m not going to let you-“

“Now, now.” Dib tensed up when he heard the other father and turned around to find him even more horrid looking than before. His face was covered in blotches of strange purple matter, and the holes from which the sewing needle had pierced the skin were showing. “I don’t see a reason to go on. He’s won the game.”

“So... you’ll let my family go?” He asked “And me?”

“Of course. Here. Come with me.” The other father began leading the way and the other Rin just stood fuming. Dib and Zim exchanged looks, but Dib quickly scooped him up and began running, a smile growing on his face. He did it. He actually did it! He- was that a smirk he caught on the other Rins face? Oh whatever. He just made it back towards the door and found no locks. No barricades. He really was free to go.

“So... you’re really letting me go?” He asked.

“Yes... but one last thing.” He said to him snapping his sewing needle fingers. There was a sound like muffled yelling as part of the scenery crumbled away revealing...

“Leona!” Her arms and legs were bound with vines, with one last one covering her mouth. He began stepping towards her, but the boot of his other father came down between them and a needly finger waved in his face.

“Tch, tch, tch. Listen to what I have to say first.” He instructed calmly “Yes, you won the game and earned your freedom. But this... very vulgar little character will be kept here.”

“That wasn’t a part of the deal!” Dib yelled “What part of that involved kidnapping my friend?!”

“I suppose I can let her go... if you agree to stay here.” The other father bent down to his eye level so he had to look into those horrible button eyes “No leaving when some defense is engineered... nothing. Just have your soul bound to this place, forever...”

Dib looked over at Leona, struggling with the restraints and undoubtedly shouting out hundreds of curses.

“So that’s why you wanted information on her...” Zim theorized “Make a world for her to be invested in.”

“Maybe you’d comply more with telling me about her. Make sure your friend is comfortable.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything because she’s not staying here.” He glared.

“So you agree to stay here.”

He took out a sewing needle causing Dib to step back. Oh man. He supposed he did just say that. Now he was gonna have to think about that. He was coming closer and- Leona kicked him off balance.

Just lying on her back, Leona was able to bring her tied together legs back and kick the other fathers feet so hard he lost balance. Dib knew what to do next.

“Take this!” He threw a meowing in distress Zim at the other fathers face, who immediately started panicking.

“Hey! Hey! No fair!”

Dib kept an eye on Zim scratching at the other fathers face as he took the razor from his bag and ripped up the vines tying up Leona’s hand. She bent down to undo the legs while he took off the mouthpiece.

“I just want to start this off by saying that if it comes to a point we have to leave Zim here, I am totally fine with that.” She said “In fact the dissection fantasy is even starting to sound appealing!”

“I don’t know what he did but I’m not surprised.”

“If you’ll cheat, I’ll keep you both here!” The other father screamed turning to them. His eyes had been scratched out by Zim who was on the ground panicking towards the door. Actually the ground towards the door was being undone. Actually, everything was being undone! It all turned into a spiders web, and Zim clawed to the top and ran through the door. Dib and Leona meanwhile, sunk down to the middle of the web, Dib falling on top of her, and the other father jumping down towards them.

“Quick!” 

Dib helped her up and clung to a piece of the web to begin scaling. Their hands clung to each other in their attempt to not be separated as they quickly made their way up, motivated by adrenaline to avoid the other father who thankfully couldn’t see them.

“Get back here!” He predictably climbed the direction they were climbing: towards the door. Since where else would they climb?

“Shit, shit, shit!” Leona shouted.

“We’re almost there!” Dib encouraged.

“Get back here!” The other father repeated.

Leona got to the door first and pulled Dib up, just a moment’s breadth before the other father came and they worked together to slam the door against his might.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” There was a ghastly shriek on the other side and a pounding that rocked them from side to side in the tunnel “I’ll die without you!”

“Let’s go!” Dib and Leona crawled through the tunnel which, with such a small space was like sardines in a can. But they made it to the other side, slamming the door.

“Okay, so that’s two versions of your dad who now totally hate me.” Leona said her back against the door “Great.”

“Wait, my family!” Dib perked up “There’s no way he let them go! I have to-“

“I took care of it.” Leona sighed “Here’s something I grabbed when I was pulled in.”

She took out Gaz’s game slave now broken in two.

“Crap! She’s gonna kill me for this!” Dib took it.

“I realized this was where he was keeping them. Break it and... they’re free.”

“Wow... Leona you’re ama-“ he looked at her “Are you... crying?”

“No!” She looked away “No I’m not.”

Oh man, this was his fault wasn’t it? She was probably really upset over being captured, and if he hadn’t gone back into the world and wasn’t even the one to save his family, she wouldn’t be kidnapped to be used as leverage. So yeah. His fault. How was he going to make this up? He awkwardly tried patting her back.

“There there...?”

“... What are you doing geek?” She asked.

“Trying to make you feel better?”

She smiled through her tears. Then snorted. Then started laughing, the tears still flowing.

“Oh man. I can’t believe I’m still standing.” She laughed “Because for just a second, I thought you were seriously gonna sell me out.” 

“What?”

“It just got in my head for a second that you didn’t really care about me...”

“What? No that isn’t it! I mean, you’re the-“ his mouth stopped moving in the middle of his sentence and he felt his cheeks growing red.

“... What?” She asked.

“Uh... you’re the reason I resisted the temptation to stay.” He finished “So... there’s that.”

“... oh.” Her cheeks turned red as well “That’s... wow. I didn’t think anyone would ever see me that way.”

“... Oh.”

“What... did... you... do?”

Dib looked to see Gaz standing above them fuming.

“Gaz!” Dib shouted a huge smile coming onto his face “You’re safe! Thank goodness! I thought you’d be-“ he then remembered he was holding her broken game slave. “Uh... I did this to save you?”

Gaz opened an eye in suspicion.

“Now what’s going on?” Dibs dad came into the picture.

“Dad!” Dib stood up “You’re not gonna believe it! There was this other you, and he kidnapped you and Gaz to-“

“I see you’ve been starting trouble in your deranged fantasies again.” His dad sighed “You even broke your sisters property.”

“Um... actually...” Leona spoke in a tiny voice her eyes avoiding contact “It was me.”

“Hm? You need to speak up.”

“Um... I said-“

“Oh I heard you. And that’s what matters.” Gaz said storm clouds coming near her “Do you have any good explanations?”

“I uh...”

“I see this one is still a troublemaker.” His dad sighed “I can only suggest you get better friends son. Farewell.”

He turned and walked away.

“... So your explanation?”

“I... kinda was saving your life?” Leona smiled “And your immortal soul. That too.”

Gaz stood glaring for a moment, then held up a DVD player.

“Hey, where did you get-“ her voice was cut off with a squeak as Gaz crushed it.

“There. We’re even.” She said before walking away.

“... So can we still play Belici Party together or...”

“Don’t push it.”

“Yeah okay.”

Dib watched her walk away.

“Don’t worry. She likes you a decent amount.” He said.

“How can you tell?”

He looked back at the direction she walked off from and tilted his head back.

“Experience.”

“Yes, yes, I see you are very resourceful.” Zim suddenly walked into sight with a calm look on his face “As such you are rehired as my curehand. Feel honored I’m giving you this second chance.”

“... I’ll grab the front if you grab the back.” Leona told Dib.

“Gladly.”

“Eh? Wait! No!” Zim backed up “I just renewed the deal!”

“Deal was off when you left me to die, Catra.” 

“But... but...”

Leona began advancing on him.

“Uh... see ya!” Zim began dashing off.

“... He’s a fucker.” She said in an understated voice.

“You sure curse a lot.” Dib commented.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, we’re finished.” Rin told Dib “We press the button, everyone goes free, and with the agents constantly in the system nobody can go through. I can’t do anything further than that, but as for now, we’re safe. I’d also like to say I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything further.”

“Just press the button.”

Dib stood up stretching his arms out and yawning. He pulled an all nighter with Rin to get this done.

With a satisfied smile, he started preparing to leave.

“... It’s getting late. Want me to convince my fake parents to let you use the guest room?”

“Why? So you can make attacks at my expense?” He glared “Leona told me about earlier.”

“... Oh.” She didn’t turn around to face him “How much?”

“She repeated what you said about me.” He said looking indignant “And apparently you said some other stuff too. She was pretty sure the intent of you saying it was to hurt her.”

“... I can’t really deny it.” She still hadn’t moved , “I wanted her out. And I used a method to get her out.”

“... You stink.”

Dib sat in silence for a moment waiting for her to make some comment so he could storm out. But to his surprise, she turned around to face him.

“I can tell you do care.”

“What?” He raised an eyebrow “What does that have to do with anything?”

“At first you found her annoying and only recruited her because you’re sick of being alone. That much is true.” She adjusted her glasses while talking “But I can tell... you actually did grow to like her. Slowly but surely. And the reason I’m talking about this is, to clear it up with you. Don’t be guilty for having her around. You aren’t stringing her along. You’re her friend. And it took her just as long to feel the same way.”

“... That sure contradicts what you told her earlier.” 

“It does. I guess I need to get my story straight.” She turned back around, “Go home and get some sleep. You earned it.”

Dib started walking out, keeping his eyes on Rin as he did, even walking backwards- and bumping his head on a pipe wire. He rubbed his head and continued out. He had business to attend to after all.

That’s right. When he got home he took out the eyes from his bag. Well, he wasn’t the one to save his family, but he did save three lost souls who should’ve been impossible to save. He placed them under his pillow with a satisfied smile and rested his head on it closing his own eyes. He saw the children from the room, but there were no buttons, and they were smiling.

“It’s a fine thing you did for us sir.”

“Yeah...” He leaned back against... nothing he just fell over. That cut off his sigh of relief but whatever. “I’m just happy this whole mess is behind me.”

“... I wouldn’t say it’s over just yet.” One of them told him.

“Huh? Seriously?” He stood up “But me and Rin activated that machine and-“ he gasped “The hole outside. How do I close it?”

“We don’t know...”

“So... is it useless?” He looked around “I don’t even know where it’s from! How am I gonna-“

“It’s okay.” One of the ghosts held onto him “You’re still here... value that...”

Dib jolted awake sweating bullets. 

“No, no, you have to know something!” He looked under his pillow and saw there was nothing but pieces. “Okay... Cmon Dib. Think through this.”

He took a deep breath... and ran downstairs, using the hand scan to open dads lab. A few looks at the security cameras posed outside the house... Yep. It was still there. He tried to focus the scanners on it for something.

“Scanned object unknown.”

“Okay, then tell me what it’s made of?” He suggested “Give me all the data you can find on it.”

Several charts showed up onscreen.

“So, the thing this hole is mostly made of is...” he looked at the status and corked an eyebrow “Resentment? That’s an emotion, not a tangible object. Can you give me more details?”

“It is fueled by the resentment of the host for the life outside of its source. Any negative feelings help it to manifest.”

“So... it’s me?” He backed up “Wait! Does that mean I can get rid of it by getting rid of my own emotions! I can do that! Let’s see... think about how great my family is! Dad is a cool famous scientist! And he doesn’t wanna sew buttons into my eyes! Is it working?” He looked at the computer. No visible effects.

“This isn’t gonna work... But I can’t leave it there! It’s just gonna go after my family again, and then the other people of earth! Then all that work I did with Rin is going to be useless! That precious little progress! And I can’t even go back in to avert it because of that work!” He slammed his head against the wall “Ow.”

There had to be a way to stop the flow of resentment in his head. How did he make it so he didn’t have any of it left? Let’s see... he could... cut it off from the source. That’d be the quickest solution. And Leona would still be around to defend the earth after he...

“_I_ _didn’t think anyone would see me that way.”_

Nope! No, he was not gonna do that. He just had to take another look at that thing, find some other properties, etcetera etcetera. He just made a quick look at the computer and continued going through the scan results and... why were the results changing? He held his breath for a moment hoping for them to turn back. Nope. He was getting a bad feeling. He was getting a bad bad feeling but...

He went outside and to the door. And looked at the spot. Okay, no changes. Good. Now he just had to get back- 

A vine came up and pulled him by the arm.

“Ah! No!” He pulled at it “Let me go!”

He heard the faint sound of banging on the door and let out a sound of dismay. He didn’t know if this thing was able to keep him in the world and he sure wish he thought about that earlier. 

“Let me go let me go let me go!” He chanted as he kept grappling for his freedom “I’m not gonna stay with you in your-“

He felt an impact on his head, and he was knocked to the ground.

“Ugh...” He kept struggling to no avail “Please... let... me... go.”

He was actually not in a good state to do this. He was still weary and tired. He was just...

“Oh shmooxtaples you already got yourself in danger again?!”

Dib looked up to see...

“Rin?!”

“Yeah, I’m coming, one second.” She made it over quick and bent down using her PAK legs to cut the vines while taking something else out. However the vines grabbed hold of whatever it was.

“Give me that!” Rin pulled at it and Dib joined in, even though he didn’t know what it was. But it was in vain. They dropped it into the hole.

“No!” He yelled looking over at Rin “What do we- why are you smiling?”

There was electricity coming from the hole and he heard a “Get down!” As he was grabbed and forced to lean towards the ground. A bright flash of light and... it was gone.

“Well, that did the trick.” Rin said “And since I’m sure you’re full of questions-“

“How did you know about this?!” Dib demanded.

“... Like that. Well, some of the tech I stole from you started acting up. I checked it out and was given a look at the same thing you were looking at. I guess there was some screen sharing feature. But I knew you were in danger as long as that factor existed so, I whipped up my own little solution.”

“... But you’re just doing it for yourself in the end right?” Dib asked.

“Always.” She replied, but Dib caught a brief sense of unsureness in her voice. 

“... I expected as much. See you at skool?”

“Yep. Don’t die.” She said walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So... the reason ghosts are always possessing people is because they don’t have to pay rent. Am I getting it down right?”

“Yep. The ghost economy is a world of complications that they don’t want to get into so they just take over humans and act as business as usual.” Dib explained to Leona unable to keep the excitement out of his voice, “Like they never died.”

“Dang. I gotta start learning ghost economy for when I die then.”

“My poor insane son.” Dibs dad sighed as he walked past, “And some child forced to entertain his delusions.”

“Hi dad,” Dib looked up at him, “You don’t sound as disappointed as usual.”

“Yes, well the reason is because I’ve managed to track down the stalker.”

“... you what?”

“I tracked down the goods as being from one place, and I found the owner of that place. I even bought her here to show her being arrested. I thought it might make you feel more at ease.”

Dib ran outside followed by Leona to see a girl their age, with bright red hair in handcuffs outside.

“... So. We’re gonna be saving her.” Leona said crossing her arms.


	11. Episode 7: The Crimson Witch

Leona was 8 when she laid bleeding out in an alley.

She figured this would happen. What, you’re eight and facing armed robbers, what did you think was gonna happen? But somehow she didn’t care. Because as her consciousness slipped away, from her life and how little she’d accomplished during it, she felt alive for the first time.

She was found and sent to the hospital. No visits before she left, and grandma gave her a sad head shake when she got out and nothing more. But, she figured it’d get more severe if it happened again so she skipped skool the next day and went to a martial arts class. Everyone gave her funny looks, because hey, she was just a kid, but she worked hard for her stripes. She didn’t make her way up to a black belt, however. She just stayed long enough for her to be a match for the people in her class. Then, she waited in that same alley, found the people who messed her up, and fought them. It was a close match, and there was now a gash up her chin, but she won, and now she was even more alive. Still, when grandma saw it, and for the first time Leona saw she had gotten angry with her, she felt small. It was no good if other people noticed the marks and figured she couldn’t defend herself so she fixed up her face with foundation, and wore a black turtleneck so she wouldn’t have anyone noticing anything. Along with some hearts she decided to stitch in on the sleeves.

Once she was 10, skipping skool became a once or twice a week ritual. She’d also gotten less sloppy. Marks of her battles were less frequent, but that meant things were getting boring.

She waited for the day that she took down some mafia boss, or something, anything of that degree, but… it was useless. And she was too good at it. She was just beating up guys in back alleys with nothing to show for it except scars. She wasn’t becoming worth more. She wasn’t going to have her hero’s journey start from this. It was worthless.

So when she was 11 she quit. Of course, she still skipped skool, but she was done with the alley fights. She even got a little bit of chub on her, but she’d usually try to work it off every time it started coming. 

Sure, not engaging in fighting made it so she was pretty rusty a year later when she found out aliens were real and invading her planet, and she was teamed up with some big headed kid who talked too much, to stop said invaders but hey.

She was being a hero. She was alive again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I’m thinking we break into your dads lab.” Leona proposed “Steal some equipment, then go all gangsta on them. What do you say?”

“Won’t work. A lot of the police are armed with Membrane labs equipment.”

“Yeah, but I wanna see what his lab looks like.” Leona motioned to the door “How do you get in there? Crowbar? Magic spells?” With the second suggestion she stuck out her hands doing a wiggling motion with her fingers.

“Oh I just have to use this.” Dib walked up to the door, pressed his hand on the scanner and voila! The door opened “Pretty neat huh?”

“Wait… you can open it?” Leona raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I assume it’s open to me since I’m family.” He smiled “Why?”

“... Nothing. I’m probably remembering it wrong.” She walked past him “So what’s in here?”

“Wh- Leona! We aren’t actually going in there!” Dib shouted going after her “I mean… I go in here all the time, but dad will kill me if he knows I let you in here! Or at least, not let me hang out with you anymore.”

“We don’t get in trouble if we don’t get caught.” She winked “Trust me, I do stuff my grandma doesn’t want me to do without getting caught all the time.”

“Yeah, but there’s a security camera in here.” Dib pointed to the security camera making its rounds.

“... You can delete the footage right?”

“Yeah, I’m on it.” He went to the room’s computer and started going through the footage “I should also delete last week when I snuck in here to deal with that hole from the beldumb.”

“Oh yeah. I was wondering where that went.”

“Yeah… so you just live with your grandma?”

“Uh… you know what, forget I said anything.”

Dib let out a sigh and looked back at the table.

“Huh… there’s a lot of scratch marks on the sides of these tables.” Leona mentioned “Like something was trying to get up on them.”

“That’s weird…” Dib looked back as he rewound the footage “Why would…” he looked at the screen and got his answer “Oh. That’s why.”

Leona looked at the camera footage and lowered her eyes.

“Oh son of a bitch.” She turned around “Zim we know you’re here!”

“No you don’t!”

Leona followed the voice and picked up Zim.

“I guess you were here for a cure. But being a cat doesn’t help matters much.”

“Put me down Leona-rot!”

“Hey… I think I’m getting more into nemesis territory.” Leona smiled at Dib. He looked back with his eyes fixed on Zim. “Oh right. Dealing with him. Uh… can’t we send him to the pound for rabies? They’d probably believe us if we told them he had it.”

Zim began hissing and scratching at her.

“Yeah. Like that.”

“Unhand me! I will destroy you! Then I will eat your organs!”

“He has done that before.” Dib chimed.

“... Wait…” Leona held Zim up “I’m thinking… we use him as a distraction?”

Dib looked the (extremely pathetic) alien cat creature in her arms over trying to gauge whether this was a good idea.

“What kind of a distraction?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Help me! I’m stuck in a tree with this cat!” Dib shouted. The original plan was just to climb up and leave Zim there but… he’d actually gotten his coat stuck. Great. 

“I hate you...” Zim said as Dib tried to contain him in his arms “I hate you so much!”

“Oh somebody save me! And perhaps take the cat under investigation for alien origin!” Dib continued “Over here!”

“Let go of me stink beast!”

Dib held Zim away as he scratched at his face making little grunts at the nuisance. At least he was getting attention like this. It was pretty incredible how the police dropped everything and left the girl alone to come and save him. And that left plenty of room for Leona to sneak in.

“Maybe you should investigate this horrible meat child! His head is way too unnaturally big!”

“Hey, my heads not- GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

The tree branch snapped and him and his arch nemesis fell to the ground, Zim taking the advantage to crawl on top of his head.

“Oooooogh…” He looked up and saw Leona navigating through the scattering policemen to get to the girl. Leona was saying something though Dib couldn’t quite hear it over the crowd but he heard bits and pieces.

“Hey! Meet your hero!”

“... Who are you? And why are you so chipper?”

“I’m here to rescue you!”

“Huh… thanks.”

“Geez kid. You’re seriously gonna distract us from this bust?” One of the men interrupted hisoverhearing “We’ve been trying to catch this perp for years.”

“Years…?” That was... odd. Wasn’t the investigation just started a few weeks ago?

“So, the reason you’re using Zim is to take away attention from the Leona trying to help that meat child.” Zim recapped to Dib “Am I correct?”

“... Why do I get the feeling I’m gonna regret saying yes-“

“EVERYONE! LOOK BACK AT THE HUMAN TRYING TO FREE THE-“ Dib squeaked and covered Zims mouth as everyone looked back at the same time. Then shouted when Zim bit him. This was not going well. “Do not let my normalness distract you from the crimes of that child!”

“Wait, no! I think I broke my… big toe!” Dib shouted “Pay attention to that!”

Leona looked over to him mouthing “Do something-“

She was cut off when the handcuffed girl put her arms down over Leona, the chain stopping at her neck, and a switchknife now able to be seen in her hands and pointing at Leona’s jugular. The police stopped in their tracks.

“Anyone comes closer and she gets it!”

“Uh… hey, this is kind of an asshole thing to do after I just saved you, you know!” Leona shouted.

“Leona!” Dib stood up “i’m co-“ he then noticed the girl bringing the knife a little closer to her neck “Oh. Uh… I don’t suppose one of you fellas can help out can you?”

He was greeted with a sea of glares. He tried to think of anything to do to successfully make it so Leona didn’t end up bleeding out on the pavement. He still had his coat caught on the tree, he didn’t bring a lot of equipment out here… oh man. This was bad. This was immeasurably, undoubtedly, HORRIBLY bad. 

“Hey! I need help here!” Leona screamed “And what words are you even saying, I can’t understand shit!”

Wait, words? What words? He looked over at the redheads mouth making motions in ways too quiet to be heard and a circle forming around them.

“Oh no!” Dib got up without his coat. Caution be damned, if he didn’t do something NOW, Leona was gonna be gone. Unfortunately, he was stopped by the policemen.

“Hey! Let me through! That’s my friend back there! And if we don’t do something she’s gonna be-“

The circle was completed, and a pillar of light burst from it. He should’ve seen this coming. The ‘stalker’ was traced from the stolen goods, and the place he got those goods was from the house of…

“A witch…”

The pillar cleared (with nobody noticing of course) and the two of them were gone.

“... Is that kid talking about a witch?”

“Let’s just get him inside.” 

“No wait!” He screamed while he was picked up by the arms “I have to track where they went somehow! Please!”

So, after he was inside, and one lecture from his dad later, he was alone processing everything. To make matters worse, his dad had noticed he was in the lab and was now guarding the door to prevent any other breaches.

“Hi Dib! I came to gloat!” Dib then took a look down to see Zim by his feet and wearing his coat “Your rescue attempt failed despite your tree weapon!”

“That’s what you took away from that?!” Dib shouted “My friend got kidnapped by that witch! And give me that!” He snatched the coat.

“I wasn’t really paying attention to any of that. Just the parts where you failed miserably.”

Dib groaned and walked outside. Unfortunately, the green nuisance followed.

“Hey! Dib! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

Dib found where the circle was formed and he took a sample from it, and it was like glitter on his hand. It began forming into a point for where they went… but too much time had passed and it had faded.

“Oh come on! If I just had some kind of stabilizer… I could ask the swollen eyeballs but they could take days... and dads blocking the-“

“Hey! Hey! Dib-beast! Hey!”

… It was the only way.

“Say, Zim. If we find this witch, they can probably turn you back to normal.”

“Eh?”

“It was a witches artifact that turned you right? So if we can track down the witch… maybe with some equipment from your base…”

“Aha! Perfect! I’ll uh… how do I track it down?”

“Well… maybe if you had an expert…” He suggested “Someone who knows the paranormal in-and-out…”

“Do you know anyone?” Zim asked. Dib lowered his eyebrows.

“Me Zim! I’m telling you to give me your equipment so we find the witch!”

“What? Why would I let you help me?!”

“I just explained why!”

“I refuse! I would never accept help from you, Dib-worm!”

“Fine! Good luck finding the witch without a paranormal expert.”

“When I’m done with you, you’ll be screaming for mercy.” Zim hissed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leona closed her eyes at the enormous surge of light, then felt herself being pushed. She thankfully managed to maintain her balance, but that’s how she came to notice the handcuffs had moved from the others hands to hers and she was in the middle of a forest.

“Hey!” She shouted indignantly looking back at the redhead “You know, I’d expect some more gratefulness! Not kidnapping me with some magic… oh, you’re the owner of that witches house huh?” She stood up and walked up to her “Well, now that I’m in on your big secret, I have leverage over you! How’s that?”

“... You also have handcuffs on.” The girl pointed out “I’m sorry to tell you that you’re  _ my  _ leverage at the moment. I use you to get out of the area that police are looking for me in, I get a new identity and then dispose of you.”

“Dispose… huh. That’s a spooky word.” Leona gulped.

“Yeah, well, get used to it because I- Gyah!” The girl quickly bought her head to the side as Leona aimed a kick at it.

“I may not know my way around giant alien spider legs, but some puny girl my age is a piece of cake!”

“Ugh… You’re forgetting about something.” The girl said her hands lighting up. Oh fuck that was magic wasn’t it?

“Well for the record…” Leona ran up to her repeatedly throwing kicks with each word that made the air too chaotic to do anything but block. “This! Is! The! Coolest! Fight! I’ve! Ever! Been in!”

“That’s what you’re concerned with?!”

“Yep!” Leona swung at her with her handcuffed hands which didn’t connect, but the burst of magic  _ did _ melt the chain on her handcuffs. “Aha! Yes!”

She threw a punch that managed to hit, and the girl recoiled.

“Ha! I’m winning! Now I just have to go ho…” She looked through the forest area they were in taking note that most of the trees looked the same. “Hey, do you know which way is home?”

The girl gave an exasperated look.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man!” Zims computer laughed while Gir was cuddling a desperately trying to escape Zim “I knew you were turned into a cat, but I didn’t expect you to look that ridiculous!”

“I was kind of worried when a week passed with no updates.” Skoodge chimed “So, you’re saying Leona betrayed you for no reason?”

“Exactly! I gave back her role as curemaker and everything!”

Dib rolled his eyes knowing that Zim was definitely not telling the full story.

“Well, you’re gonna have to keep looking for a cure, because I’ve spent all week trying to make one and none of it seems to do anything against magic.”

“Curses!”

“Well, like I said, the witch can be of assistance.” Dib said internally breathing a sigh of relief in how his forgetting that Zim’s house was working on a cure didn’t end up screwing him over “I just need some tools to track her down.”

“Computer! You know ways to find this ‘witch’ without having to rely on the Dib-worm, correct?”

“I mean, the kid will probably make it easier than it would be without him.”

“You’re fired!”

“How are you going to fire me?”

“Okay, enough of this!” Dib shouted “Just let me some sort of stabilizer for this material so I can use it to track where the teleportation circle went.”

“Uh… if you don’t mind me asking…” Skoodge chimed in “Why are you so invested in this?”

“Because his pathetic co-soldier got herself captured.” Zim said while he made a few wriggles against Girs bear hug “And Gir, stop trying to eat me!”

“You tastes different from all the other kitties.” Gir smiled. Dib did not know how he knew that nor did he want to engage in learning how he knew that information.

“Look, the witch took off with her, and she also had a knife! I uh…” he realized how bad it was that he was letting them in on the fact that he needed their help so much “Not that it’s anything I can’t handle. But you know. I’m letting you guys help since I’m such a nice guy.”

“You sound like an incel.” Skoodge whistled.

“Wh-wha?” Dib looked over at him “Where did you learn that word?”

“Internet.” Skoodge said “I spend a lot of time around there.”

“Well… that’s… uh… I’m not an incel!” Dib shouted “I am a proud chad!”

“But you don’t ever had a date!” Gir pointed out.

“Gir please be quiet.” 

“Okay… but you’re still an incel.” The computer said.

“Stop calling me that!”

“What’s an incel?” Zim asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Go away.” The redhead told her.

“See, I’d love to, but I still have no idea how to get back to civilization from here, and I really don’t wanna starve to death out in the woods. Also I don’t have my phone on me.” Leona recapped “So… I’m sort of forced to stick around.”

The girl gave an annoyed grunt.

“Uh… so what’s your name?”

“My name changes from time to time.” The girl said “No reason to give the one I have now when it’s gonna change soon.”

“... Holy shit.” Leona felt her sense of caution draining “I love you.”

“What?”

“So, what’s your checkered past? Why are you on the run?! I mean, the way you word it you sound like this isn’t your first run in with the law.”

“Why would I tell you that?”

“... okay fair.” She remembered her situation. How stupid could she be to forget that? “Sorry, Ms Crimson Hair.”

“... good.”

Leona walked in silence behind the girl until a certain thing came to her attention.

“Uh… Crimson hair? You might wanna slow down.”

She showed off the knife.

“Okay, I didn’t forget but like I’m trying to-“

“I don’t think you have anything even slightly useful for-“ the girl then walked smack into a tree.

“Yeah, that.”

The girl backed off and rubbed her head as she looked to be straining her eyes to make out what she’d hit.

“Oh… your eyesight is shit isn’t it?” Leona reasoned out “And you can’t get glasses because they’re expensive and you’re on the run.”

The girl blinked a few times.

“Are you trying to make your blinking threatening? Because it doesn’t work. Blinking is not threatening.” Leona said crossing her arms “Now, a girl with her eyes constantly shut opening one to glare at you… now that’s-“ she froze up.

“That’s what?”

“Uh… do you hear buzzing? Like… hornets buzzing? Like…” Leona looked over and at a hornets nest that had been dropped from the tree “Oh, we have to run like hell.”

The girl let out a scream of frustration.

“Yeah, I feel ya, but let’s discuss it when we’re out of dodge Crimson Hair.” Leona said grabbing her arm. “Let-sa go!”

“... What?”

“Oh, this video game character Mario says it and what am I doing talking we need to run c’mon.”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And… here! This is where the teleportation circle led!” Dib shouted thanking the stars that he did not see any corpses in the area “Now we just have to track where they went from here! Hm…” 

He began taking out some tech and using it to detect footsteps.

“So it’s just normal tracking from here?” Skoodge asked “That’s kinda… lame.”

“Yes, the Dib monkey is very lame.” Zim agreed.

“This lame guy just picked up all the footprints in the area.” Dib countered indignantly “It looks like there was a struggle of some sort… poor Leona. Dragged off against her will… Maybe if she had some spell casting objects she could have made it.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask.” Skoodge piped up from behind him “If there’s magical items to cast spells that anybody can use, what’s the difference that makes a person a witch?”

“Aha! So you need to know?” Dib adjusted his glasses smugly.

“No I don’t need to-“

“Well since you insist I guess I’ll tell.” Dib smiled standing up and going after the footsteps “A witch is someone who’s made a contract with a demon in exchange for power. They don’t just cast spells. They’re connected to spells. They can do them without any objects, and have a far greater range of control over those powers. They have a perfect connection to the forces of demons, and that means their powers all are way more amped up than they would be. Of course they can only take so much power at a time. Too much and they lose the right of control to their body and the demon takes over entirely.”

“Like I said.” Zim chimed in “Lame!”

“That lame magic is able to do way more than turn you into a cat space boy.” Dib proclaimed “I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the dangers.”

“Psh! That’s nothing! Right Skoodge?”

“Please don’t involve me in this.” Skoodge said.

“Coward!”

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t wanna get involved.”

“And you can’t call someone on your own side to agree with you!” Dib said “Of course he’s gonna agree with you!”

“It’s true. I’m really just a textbook people pleaser.” Skoodge said putting his hands up “Even though Zim is kinda…”

“Kinda what?”

“... it’d sacrifice my people pleaser status if I told you.”

“Eh? What does that mean?”

“It means he thinks you’re annoying Zim.”

“I didn’t say that! I mean he is kind of annoying… and bossy… and arrogant… and loud… and narcissistic… but he’s also... uh…”

Dib figured it was gonna take a long time to come up with a good quality for Zim so he kept his focus on the computer. That became hard however when Zim started shouting.

“HOW DARE YOU!? I AM IRKS FINEST INVADER FAR MORE THAN YOU SKOODGE!”

“But… I was the first person to-“

“Oh rub it in will you?! Well tell me how it felt when the tallest didn’t want you and sent you flying out that canon! You’re worth nothing to the irken empire Skoodge! Unlike me! So I’d keep your mouth shut if I were you!”

Dib watched Zim strolling back through. Yeesh. So he wasn’t even a decent person to other irkens. Good to know. How he got this mission was beyond him.

“Hey Dib-stink! What’s this?” Zim shouted at him stomping on a piece of earth on the ground. Wait, that piece of earth was buzzing. That was not a piece of earth.

“Zim you moron!” Dib screamed “That’s a hornets nest!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you looking at the sky?” Leona asked the girl while trying to scratch out all the stingers that had gone into her body while they made their escape.

“Trying to see how much time has passed.”

“Oh yeah… we might be out here past dark…” She noted “Huh… do you think there’s any forest hot springs we can bathe off in?”

“... Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you being so nice to me? You didn’t have to rescue me. Or keep acting like my friend after I kidnapped you. So why?”

“Well… it’s just the right thing to do.” Leona smiled at her.

“... You’re a bad liar.”

Leona’s smile faltered. She didn’t like being saw right through.

“What’s the real reason?”

“... I just told you.” She lied.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s go find your lake or whatever.”

“Hehehe…” She held up her hand “Shake on it Crimson Hair?”

“... no.” She said.

They walked along with Leona trying to make conversation. Of course, it was hard when Leona knew nothing about her and she frequently refused to give her anything to work with but… (if she kept her talking she’d be distracting her from ways to get rid of her once they were out of the woods)

“Oh! Holy shit!” Leona said spotting a body of water “An actual hot spring! Ooooooooh!”

She dipped her hand in “This is great! Oh, Crimson Hair we should get in and-“ wait. “I should get in. We should take turns. You can… scavenge for food.”

“... Fine. Go ahead. Less time I have to spend around you, the better.” The girl walked off. Leona breathed a sigh of relief as she began pulling up her shirt. There were scars on her stomach that she did not want anybody to be in on. Least of all kidnappers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nice going.” Dib mocked scratching at all the hornet stings on his skin “We’re off track! We don’t know where we are! And we just got stung a bunch of times!” 

“All part of the pla-“

“No it isn’t!”

“Okay, look, finger pointing won’t do anything.” Skoodge said coming between them while scratching his own wounds “We just have to-“

“Why are you siding with him?!” Dib shouted “You said it before! He has no redeeming qualities! He obviously doesn’t care for anyone except himself! Right now, Leona’s in trouble but he just screwed over my rescue attempt completely!”

“Yes! All part of my plan!”

“STOP SAYING YOU PLANNED IT!”

“Okay.” Skoodge then took out his PAK legs, pointing one at both of their necks. “Time. Out. Go somewhere else.”

Dib shot Zim one last evil eye, then went to sit on a nearby log scratching himself. He wondered if hornets were more, less, or just the same amount harmful to irkens. They didn’t seem affected in any other way.

“Hey, Dib, was it?” Skoodge sat next to him “Wanna talk it out?”

“... no.”

“Why not?”

“Mostly because you’re an alien menace working to try and enslave my planet.”

“Oh yeah.” He looked sheepish “Well… I mean, you can’t just hold a grudge.”

“YOU HAVEN’T STOPPED DOING THAT!”

“Yeah… but we are working together right?”

“Barely. I’m just trying to make sure Leona turns out fine. But this truce has turned out to be more detrimental than helpful!”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Because, Zim is exactly like you described! He’s a terrible person! Why do you put up with him?!”

“Well… exactly for those reasons.” Skoodge rubbed the back of his head “He’s bossy. Arrogant. Loud. And narcissistic. Or in other words, he’s a take charge kind of person. Headstrong. Boisterous. And confident. It’s honestly not a terrible set of traits to have when you aren’t actively trying to spin it in the worst light.”

“He makes it pretty hard not to spin it in the worst light possible.” Dib raised an eyebrow “And hey! You just got me to talk it out when I said I didn’t want to!”

“True, true. But, regarding the first thing, as someone who’s not usually given a chance by people, I wanna give him a chance.”

“And the second thing?”

“Invaders require keen psychoanalysis skills.”

Dib rolled his head back. Well, this guy was an invader, but he wasn’t as bad as Zim he guessed. Or even as manipulative and self-serving as Rin. He then noticed something green was watching them from afar. “Okay Zim. I see you.”

“You see my master?! Where?!”

Wait that wasn’t Zim! He had a mini heart attack as that little robot ran into him at 100 miles an hour and proceeded to knock the wind out of him. 

“Ow…”

“Oh, hi Gir.” Skoodge said “What are you doing here?”

“GIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Zim approached. So he was watching.

“You left the lunch I made you at home!” Gir sobbed holding up a bag of something right in front of Dibs face which was bad because it smelled completely foul “I had to come and find you!”

“Oh… yes. I completely forgot. What a surprise…” Zim rambled.

So he forgot it on purpose.

“Here it is!” Gir tossed it over to Zim and- oh god was that blood staining the side of the bag? No wait that was ketchup… no, no, there was ketchup but that was definitely blood he saw!

“Uh… out of curiosity, what is that?” Dib asked Gir.

“It’s chicken!”

Well Zim removing the lunch from the brown paper sack did reveal it was a chicken. A still feathered,bleeding, and extremely sickly looking chicken. 

“Uh… I think the Dib-beast is hungrier than me. I think he should have it!”

“Oh come on!” 

“Oh… okie-dokie.” Gir replied although the okie dokie sounded deflated. Zim seemed to pick up on that and looked around nervously.

“But I uh… can’t resist the allure of disGUSTING chicken so… I’ll be the one to eat it.”

Gir lit up again.

“... See?” Skoodge nudged Dib.

“... See what?”

“See he isn’t completely black squeedly spooched. At least I don’t think. I mean, he’s been pretty nice to me at least.”

“He just viciously insulted you 10 minutes ago.”

“You’re lying!”

“Gah!” Dib flinched “Quit eavesdropping Zim!”

“Yes I just uh…” Zim looked away “Skoodge I… acknowledge your compliments.”

He stayed quiet.

“... And?”

Zim made a few frustrated noises and banged his head on the ground.

“Aren’t you gonna at least apologize for what you said earlier?” Dib goaded.

“Sure I could, but hey, isn’t the Leona curd still in danger?”

Dib jumped.

“That’s right! We gotta find her! Uh… dang it if only I had some sort of-“

“I saw her!” Gir shouted.

“Wait, you did?!” Dib bent down to put his hands Girs shoulders “Can you lead us to her?!”

“Okie Dokie!” He began waddling off.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Dib shouted “Don’t worry Leona! Your rescuer is on his-“

He then tripped over Zim.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Crimson hair!” Leona shouted “I’m done with the bath! You can get in there now! Oh, but don’t sit down on the mossy rock because that moss turned out to be-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-“ the girl held up her hands “What happened to your face?”

“My face? What about-“ realization struck Leona. Her feet carried back out to the hot spring and she looked in to see her reflection. It was an innacurate mirror but you could still see the scar running up her chin. The foundation must have come off in there.

“Uh… hey.” She heard the girl walking up behind her “Are you…”

“Huh… my kidnapper slash road trip buddy is getting personal information on me. Ain’t that just… FANTASTIC!” She shouted covering up the scar with her hand. “I hate everything about this.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s so bad about-“

“Because I’m not as cool as I try and come off as!” She shouted “I tried stupid things and kept it up because I really wanted to be the cool heroic type! I did that, I joined with Dib, I helped you all so I could be the hero like in cartoons! But I have so many weaknesses! Even now! I’ve been shaking this whole time I’ve been with you, you know. I’m basically stuck with you, and I don’t know what you’re gonna do to me…”

She wiped at the tears in her eyes. Because that’s what she needed. Crying in front of a person who was willing to use knife violence before knowing she wasn’t totally weak.

“... I didn’t think that would be it.” The girl replied “You’ve… been so nice to me.”

“Catch more flies with honey.” She said bitterly.

“... I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“No, really, I- I didn’t even expect anyone to rescue me. I thought I was just on my own. Doing what I did felt dirty. But I was scared too.” She sat down, “I’ve been on the run for a while. My family was mafia. All witches. We got busted, and they used up all their magic trying to save themselves and just got reclaimed. I’ve been on my own since then. But… I don’t mind having you around.”

Leona didn’t talk back, just wiped her nose.

“So… did you not like me? In the least?”

“... Nah. I didn’t lie when I said all that on the run stuff was cool.” She said “I tried doing that kind of stuff. That’s how I got the scars. I never thought I’d get anywhere. But then I started doing something cool and I kinda… felt like maybe if I could be like those heroes, my life would be worth something.”

“... I can teleport you back somewhere safe. I’ve been waiting to use my magic but… I can use it on you.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I like you. Genuinely.”

“... Do you mean it?”

“Yes.”

She didn’t know if she was lying or not, but she sounded like she was trying. Maybe even understanding. Imagine that.

“I guess you’re not so bad crimson hair… or should I just call you Crimson?”

“Just Crimson is all right.”

Leona smiled. “I can’t believe I’m friends with a witch now. Wait till I tell Dib-“

“Leona!”

She jumped and saw Dib at the edge of the forest along with the green gang.

“Uh…” she stood up and walked up to him “Hey Dib, so funny story but-“

“What did she do to you?!”

Oh yeah. The scar.

“Heh heh oh, this little thing. Now, see, I’ve got a funny story about this thing since-“

“What did you do to her?!” Dib shouted at Crimson.

“Who’s this?” Crimson raised an eyebrow.

“You! Reverse my transformation now!” Zim yelled jumping up to her.

“Who the hell-“

“It’s a good thing I have some shields for magic.” Dib said rolling up his sleeves “You aren’t getting away with what you did! I’ll make sure of it!”

“You want a fight?” She stood up, “You know, my powers are a good amount of recharged. Why don’t I-“

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!” Leona ran between them “Dib, I had this scar since before I met you. She’s not responsible for it.”

“You what?” Dib asked “How have I not noticed? I mean you… you… actually I guess it is in line with what I know about you that you kept this secret.”

“... Yeah. It is. And Crimson isn’t gonna hurt me. I mean she was but… I sort of… befriended her. Crimson are you okay with me calling you a friend?”

“Sure.”

“Okay yeah. I fought her off, ran from hornets with her,had a bit of conversation... So see?” She smiled “There’s no need to fight her. I mean I’m still tremendously pissed at her for kidnapping me and threatening my life but…”

“You… seriously did that all on your own?” Dib asked “Wowee! This whole time I thought you’d be scared and helpless but you seriously did all that?! Leona, you’re incredible!”

“I… am?” She looked down “Huh. I guess looking back, all that stuff I did was incredible! I did that! Holy mama did I do that!”

“D’aww… they like two potatoes.” Gir squealed.

“Just transform me back to my normal form!” Zim shouted at her “Now!”

“Who even is this! Why are they green?”

“I uh… kinda turned that guy into a cat.” Leona said “Dib, why is Zim here?”

“CURE ZIM! CURE ZIM! CURE-“

“Alright fine!” Crimson said an incantation and Zim was engulfed in the same smoke she recognized when she threw that crystal. From it emerged Zim. Not cat Zim. Zim.

“Yes! Yes! Victory!”

“Are you an alien?” Crimson asked.

“Eh? Eh… retreat!” Zim ran picking up Gir and grabbing Skoodge to run away.

“He is an alien.” Dib said “I want to confirm with you that he is an alien.”

“I’m glad to know I’m not the weirdest person you’ve hung out with.” Crimson said.

“Yeah… so… Crimson.” Leona crossed her arms “Will I run into you again? I mean, I know, criminal on the run and stuff but…”

“It would mean a lot if we could meet up again.” Crimson said “But it’s highly unlikely.”

“Huh… one last thing…” Leona looked at Dib “You have spare glasses right?”

“That’s right. Why?”

“Let me take those-“

“Wha- hey!” Dib made a few motions to grab for his glasses back but Leona went and handed them to Crimson.

“There. Something to help you see so you’re a little less scared. And maybe don’t resort to taking hostages.”

Dib started giving Crimson the evil eye. Well either that or he was just squinting really hard at her due to his lack of glasses. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

“... Thanks. Leona was it?”

“Yeah. So you better not be taking more hostages. I mean it.”

“Ah…” she nodded “Well, let me send you two home.”

She began saying incantations under her breath, and then Dib and Leona were consumed by light and sent back in front of the spot near Dibs house where this all started.

“Well, that’s one way to cap off the afternoon.” Leona sighed.

“I feel like I missed out on so much…” Dib groaned.

“Oh yeah… uh…” She bit her lip.  _ They _ were out in the open now. Did she really wanna bite the bullet like that?

“Hey, do you want me to walk you home?”

“No.” She said a little too fast. She didn’t miss how he recoiled. Her fingers went to the scar. It felt like a culmination of all the things in her life that left it so she wouldn’t be able to do anything except gain it. But… 

It was pretty incredible how she fought off those guys her second try huh?

“Hey Dib. You wanna know how I got these scars?”

“These? Is there more?”

“Gyah… you didn’t get the reference.” She groaned silently cursing she gave that away. “And… yes. Yes there are. Let me sit down and tell you about my back alley fights.”

“Your WHAT?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Computer! Contact the tallest!” Zim yelled as soon as he got back into the house “I need to inform them I’m safe!”

“I guess this means things are normal now.” Skoodge shrugged walking to the kitchen “Do we have any nachos?”

Zim kept his head held high as he descended and walked up to the screen for contacting his great wise leaders.

“Computer! I told you to contact the tallest!”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you. It’s just that the signal is… kinda…”

Zim raised an eyebrow as the screen blinked a few times before the tallests took up the screen.

“Ah! My tallest!” He smiled “You look… oh.” 

They looked disheveled. Reds antenna was on fire, and purples face was covered in mud.

“We’re kinda busy right now Zim.” Red glared.

“But- I need to update you! Tell you I’m safe!”

“That sounds lovely, but anyways.” Purple turned to the navigator irken “What was your advice again?”

“To deal with this threat, we need something truly unpredictable, some kind of chaos agent, that would operate in the algorithms blind spot.”

The tallest looked at each other, then faced Zim again.

“FUCK!” Purple shouted.


	12. Episode 8 Anti-ant squadron part 1/2

Zim hadn’t stopped making squeals of laughter the entire ride on the Voot cruiser.

“Me! Can you believe it? The tallests specifically needed me for… for…” He looked at Skoodge and Gir “Hey, what did they need me for again?”

“They needed you to give me a mongoose!” Gir shouted.

“You didn’t get the briefing of what they needed from you.” Skoodge reminded him “I’m also starting to fear this might just be because they discovered me in your base and want to get rid of me.”

“Oh Skoodge. I will simply use my status as their greatest invader to save your position as my underling.” Zim smiled “Easy-peasy.”

“... I think I’ll just stay in here and cross my fingers they don’t find out...” Skoodge sighed.

“I wish I had fingers.” Gir said.

“I can’t wait to see the tallests.” Zim smiled like a schoolgirl “They’ll be so happy to see me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so unhappy.” Purple muttered “I’m so utterly unhappy.”

“Look, it’s just one briefing we give to Zim.” Red shrugged “And if it doesn’t work, that just means Zim dies. So we’re getting something out of this.”

“But then we’ll have to take orders forever!” Purple screeched “I hate being ordered around! Who’d ever do such a thing!”

“My tallest, we’re getting another transmission.” The comms officer informed him.

“NOOOOOOOOO! It’s another order!” Purple whined.

“Send it in…” Red waved a hand while the other was used to pat Purple’s back repeatedly.

“Alright…” The comms officer did his best not to stare at Purple’s… call it what it was a drama fest- and rang in the transmission. The other side was surprising. It showed a vortian, twirling a knife in her hands.

“Greetings. I am-“

“Oh. It’s not them.” Purple sighed in relief “Cut the transmission!”

“Wait, wait, wait!” She held out the knife-free hand “I want to make an offer!”

“Ma’am we’re kinda busy dealing with a threat right now.” Red told her “And also seeing as you’re vortian, you should be sitting in a prison cell to work for us right now. Not making calls to the leaders of the irken empire.”

“I’m offering to help you deal with that threat!” She shouted.

“... You can do that?” Purple asked.

“Okay, good, gears turning…” she seemed to be talking to herself more than anyone else before turning back to them “Listen. In exchange for my freedom, I offer-“

“My Tallest!” Zim ran into the room skidding to a stop at the same time he bowed. That made it very hard to keep his balance when Gir crashed into him from behind. Down he went!

“Ow! Gir!” Zim threw Gir into the comms officer’s head, from which he bounced off and onto the ground screaming like he was on a rollercoaster.

“Wait, wait, wait.” The vortian held up her hands in an amused fashion “Are you saying that you got Invader Zim to help you?”

Purple started crying again.

“Ugh… Listen Zim, here’s the debriefing.” Red said once again patting his co-rulers back “We created a bioweapon. An army of ants with advanced learning AI. With so many of them, and such a small size, they were unstoppable. It was a good weapon for keeping conquered planets in line you see…”

“They were making soda machines for us!” Purple screamed “And then… And then…”

“And then?” Zim asked.

“And then they learned enough about how to conquer environments, and asked themselves, ‘why are we taking orders when we’re this powerful?’” The vortian finished “Am I missing anything?”

“You’re kind of annoying.” Purple remarked to her.

“... Anyways, as I was saying.” The lights switched off as the vortian disappeared from the screen. There was a strangled noise from Gir before they turned back on and she was standing in between the tallest and Zim, causing the shorter irken to fall over in surprise. “I wasn’t on Vort when the… ahem… collection was happening. But I am willing to make an exchange. You let me live outside the prisons, and I can be a helpful little mercenary to you.”

“Sounds lame.” Purple shrugged “Lock her up!”

Several guards enclosed around the teal vortian.

“Fine. Be that way.” She shrugged “Take me away boys.”

Several guards jumped on the girl then proceeded to fall to the ground as it was revealed to be a hologram.

“I guess I can’t apply for a job without any indication of my talents or resume.” She shrugged “So, I’ll have to demonstrate. See you soon.”

The hologram flickered out of existence and Zim noticed a tiny bug on the ground. He squashed it with his foot.

“You were wise to choose me for this plan. Those ants will be begging for mercy. Mercy!” Zim ran out “MERCY!”

“Wait!” Purple shouted, “We didn’t give you any-“

“Just let him go.” Red sighed, “It’s not like that idiot is going to be useful anyways.”

“So we’re doomed?”

“Yeah pretty much.”

Purple started crying again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Man, for a robot, you’re light.” She said as she carried the sir unit “What do I call you again?”

“Gir, reporting for duty.” 

Gir, huh? Yeah, that was a good name for a defective sir. And seeing how nobody seemed to notice he was missing after she took him, that was a sign that using him as leverage might not even work. Useless thing.

“When’s master coming to get me?”

“He isn’t.”

“Yeeeeeeeees he is.”

Huh. This thing had a mouth on it. Not exactly what you’d expect from a robot. That was a note of curiosity…

“How do you know that?” She asked. In all honesty, she did not have the slightest curiosity in why that was and didn’t even expect an actual answer. She just wanted to hear him talk.

“Cause masters always yelling at me! And he loooooooooooooves me!”

“Loves you huh?”

“Yep!”

“You realize he didn’t notice you were gone right?”

He blinked a few times with a wide smile on his face. When his eyes were just a sea of blue without any wavering, it was hard to tell what he was thinking.

“... Do you get what I said?”

“Nah.”

“... Now I feel sorry for you.”

“Don’t worry! I gots master! And he’s gonna come hang out with you cause you my friend!”

“I don’t do friends.” She said.

“Then why are you hanging out with me?” He asked it rhetorically, almost smugly. She was impressed. It seemed to mean that he could probably handle the truth. 

“You’re my hostage.” She said, “Do you know what a hostage is?”

He nodded cheerfully. 

“... So what do you think your master is gonna do when he finds out you’re gone?” She asked.

“What do you mean?”

He was not gonna make this easy, wasn’t he?

“Don’t you think he would at least… say something once I took you? He didn’t seem to have any reaction when I nabbed you. That’s what I mean when I said he didn’t notice. He just… you don’t even get it do you-“

She then noticed a change in expression in the robot. His eyes had become lidded and he was frowning.

“Aw, man…”

… so he experienced emotion too. Immature emotion. Like a child. 

“You are extremely advanced…” she said, “Well, here’s your ride.”

She walked up to the voot cruiser pulling up the hood.

“Oh, Zim you’re- AAAAAH! You’re not Zim!” 

“Nope. I’m your worst nightmare.” She reached into her coat “Nice to meet you, invader Skoodge.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s amazing how much faith the tallest have in me.” Zim chuckled “You could earn that faith if you were just a little more obedient Gir.”

He took the silence in his wake as a sign Gir was deep in thought. And the lack of footsteps just meant his feet were also in thought. He definitely didn’t forget to bring him back. Nope. I mean, why else would he be sitting by the voot cruiser when he got back?

“Gir, how did you get there so fast?” Zim questioned as he began digging around for his keys.

“The goat lady bought me!”

“Goat lady?” Zim found the keys and pressed a button making the cruiser light up with the indication of being unlocked and opened it up. Skoodge was inside tied up and gagged while the vortian from earlier had her feet up on the dashboard.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Zim questioned, “This is my ship!”

“Yeah. And now I’m here. With your robot. He was kind of upset about you leaving him behind.” She explained “Listen. I have a service. And I am willing to sell that service for cheap. I can help you.”

“Why would I take help from a filthy vortian?”

“Well… I’m probably far more competent than your current allies.”

Skoodge made an indignant noise while Gir stuck out his tongue.

“Hm… I suppose I haven’t gotten any closer to conquering the earth in the company of those two…”

Skoodge made another noise.

“See, I am not just someone to be passed off. I can be a valuable asset. I just want my own safety. Is that so hard?”

“Hmmmmm… fine. You can come, filthy Vort creature.”

“Right… but just call me Cha-Cha.” She said as Zim climbed in “So should I untie him?”

“Yeah. He’s not as useful tied up after all.”

Skoodge made yet another noise.

“And don’t leave behind the robot again.” Cha-Cha said.

“Right.” Zim picked up Gir from the ground and placed him next to him “Now we’re off!”

“Where are we going?” Gir asked.

“Oh yeah.” Zim paused “I don’t know where to go. Uh… Oh, I know! Irk’s classified weapons supply! As the designated savior of Irk, I’m sure I’ll be allowed there. Cowardly Skoodge, do you want to wait in here again?”

Skoodge made a few noises as he struggled against the bonds.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Just then, Gir undid the knot in Skoodges bonds and started to slurp it up like spaghetti.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re here.” Zim jumped out of the ship first “Crew, welcome to Frindles.”

“Uh… Zim?” Skoodge spoke up.

“You see ugly vortian filth, this is where Irk stores its finest weapons.”

“Zim.”

“Many of them were built by your people.”

“Zim!”

“Since they are so inferior as to having to serve us.” 

“Hold on let me handle it.” Cha Cha walked up to Zim and slapped him across the face.

“Ow!” Zim shouted, “What do you think you’re doing?!” 

“Look over there!” She pointed to something in the distance guarding the building. It looked like a large black blob, but Zim sensed a difference from ahem… other blobs he had seen. And another look showed it was because it was made of many smaller structures. Hundreds of thousands of them. Little ants.

“Oh… so that’s what the tallest were talking about.”

“We can’t just walk through the front door.” Cha Cha sighed.

“Hm… I see.” Zim nodded “I have an idea.”

“Oh great.” Skoodge walked up to him “What is-“

Zim then picked up Skoodge and threw him at the blob.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Alright let’s go!” 

Cha-Cha did a double-take as Zim picked up Gir who then proceeded to reach for her arm so she could go along with them. 

“Well… that’s one way to do it.”

Zim smiled victoriously as Gir jumped out of his arms.

“Skoodge is very large despite his small stature. So, more for the ants to snack on.”

“I guess I should watch my back for any instance where tossing me to my death could be beneficial to you…” she shrugged “You go ahead and I’ll guard the door. The less I’m around you the better.”

“Very well. Come on Gir.”

Zim marched off while Gir remained in place. He looked up at Cha Cha and smiled.

“Are you going with him?” She asked.

He shook his head. Cha Cha put a hand on her hip and bent down to look at his expression again. There was a patient smile. Kicking his legs back and forth. He was kind of… cute? If she ever thought that about anything again, she was going to ram her head into a wall.

“I wonder if he’s going to notice this time.” She crosses her arms “Wait. Are you testing him to see if he notices this time?”

“I’ll tell you if you dance with me…” He sing-songed, rocking his head back and forth.

“Don’t flatter yourself into thinking I care that much.” She took a knife and a sharpener out of her coat and began whetting the blade. “I’m still not convinced that a busted sir unit is of any worthwhile-“

She then heard a horrid screech. Crap, he was crying.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry, those things outside may hear us!”

This, of course, made him think rationally and calm down- yeah she wished. He just started crying louder.

“Ugh…” She began moving her arms and legs around in a poor attempt at dancing. “You know, I don’t do this very often.”

“... Do more.”

“Ugh. You’re one bratty little…” she then noticed her knife. Not the intended use but…

She began spinning it around. And tossing it in the air. As it spun in midair she grabbed another knife from her coat and caught it as it came down continuing to do more tricks. Juggling, tossing, balancing on the foot, and she was about to end it by stabbing both of them into the ground until someone dived in front of her and she almost accidentally impaled him in the eyes.

“Ah! I’m sorry for whatever I did, just please, don’t hurt me!” He shouted, covering his eyes with his hands.

“Oh. Sorry.” She put the knives away “Skoodge, was it?”

He peeked an eye open then perked up.

“Yes! Invader Skoodge, at your service!”

“Well, congratulations on not dying.”

“It just took all my wits and skills!” Skoodge smiled standing up and brushing himself off “And also… I think they at one point just thought I was dead and left me alone.”

“You seem kind of hard to kill…” Cha Cha commented “What with your… thickness.”

“Why, yes, I am.” He smiled proudly.

“Ooooooh we’re having a party…” Gir said some nonsense that Cha Cha ignored, hiking her coat back up her shoulders.

“Ugh. I can’t believe I’m working with Irkens. A joke of one, and one who takes orders from that joke.” 

“Well, that’s kinda harsh.”

“Your partner just threw you to the ants.”

“... Oh yeah.” He looked down “I guess he did.”

Cha Cha rolled her head back before she heard a scurrying. A lot of scurrying. She realized what that was. The ants were gathering at the door.

“Oh, fucking hell!” She shouted “Skoodge, you run off with the robot! I’ll try and hold these things off!”

“Got it! Come on Gir!”

Skoodge began running off and, unsurprisingly, the robot stayed in place. What else did she expect?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim walked up to a room with a sign on the door. The sign was a picture of him with a red cross over his face saying “No defects allowed”

Well of course. He was the opposite of a defective, and this was to show that he was not an example of a defective. He passed on in looking through the set of weapons on the ground. What would destroy those ants? One of the weapons he found in storage was a device to create numerous amounts of boots to stomp on enemies.

“Psh! Weak!”

He found a giant magnifying glass.

“Useless!”

After shattering the magnifying glass by running the boot through it, he found it. The perfect weapon. Guaranteed to take down an army of ants.

“Yes… YES!!!!!” He laughed maniacally “Nobody will be able to stop me… with this-“

“ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!” Skoodge ran in screaming.

“Oh. Skoodge. Where were you?”

“Y… you threw me to the ants!”

“Huh. I don’t remember doing that.” He commented, “Are you sure I did that?”

“Y… Yes!”

“Well, I’m sure you’re remembering it wrong. Now help me carry this.”

“O… okay. Is that a… giant pair of scissors?”

“Yep!” He held up the scissors, the pointy edge facing Skoodges face “Go on! Carry!”

“I… alright. But I figured I should say… uh… the ants are here.”

“Really? That’s perfect!” Zim smiled “I can test this out!”

“How… how are we gonna use it?” Skoodge questioned cautiously taking the end.

“If it’s not already obvious, then you’re too dumb to get it if I explain.”

“Oh… okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cha Cha sighed pulling down her goggles “Okay little robot. We’re fighting together. Got any strategies?”

“I can beat em with piggies!”

Okay, change of plans.

“Why don’t we… dance together? While firing off weapons? Won’t that be fun?”

“Okie Dokie!”

The robot immediately began firing off missiles into the crowd of ants. They didn’t really do much against such a huge army, but they were splitting their numbers. Cha Cha took out two pistols and fired multiple bullets. They didn’t do much, as to be expected. In fact, the ants seemed to be predicting the line of fire and reacting accordingly.

“Son of a gitvee…” She muttered, “I’m not making a dent!”

Not only that but they were advancing towards her. Probably since they were having a harder time getting to the robot. Wait. That thing was making headway. Just with his… Oh was she seriously gonna do this?

She sighed, withdrawing her guns and taking out her knives. And then she just started doing show tricks with them. Knife tricks. Tossing them in the air, juggling, etc. by the looks of it, the ants were way too confused to do anything about it. So she grabbed them and planted them in the ground where a crowd of ants were. Sparks went everywhere as the small colony of machines were destroyed. She then took them out of the ground and did several fancy swinging motions that even she wasn’t too aware of what they were supposed to accomplish. It worked. Huh.

Unfortunately, the robot’s ear-piercing screams interrupted her thoughts. She looked back to see the ants were overpowering him.

“Crap!” It looked like this wasn’t an all-powerful strategy. They were still against a huge learning army of ants.

“I AM ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!”

Suddenly, Cha Cha looked back and saw Zim and Skoodge charging in with a giant pair of scissors. 

“I successfully programmed them for this! Get ready!”

“Programmed them for what?” Cha Cha began to ask but she was then blindsided by the scissors flying down and stabbing a single ant then at a ridiculous speed, going up and giving another stab. It repeated over and over way too quickly for any reaction to form, and the ants were scattering. Even the robot was being freed.

“What am I even looking at?” Cha Cha asked as Zim began cleaning up the remaining ones with some strange electric whip that he had in one hand.

“Wait, where did you get that?” Skoodge asked.

Zim looked at it for a moment, shrugged and tossed it towards Cha Cha who frantically caught it in midair and the electrified end fell on top of Skoodge who screamed in pain.

“Ah!” Cha Cha quickly removed it “Jesus, Zim you are one real-“

“We have our ultimate weapon!” Zim shouted, “Now let’s take it to the rest of the armies!”

Cha Cha blinked a few times taking her goggles off her eyes and back up on her forehead.

“Heeheehee.” The robot skipped after “Wait for me master!”

“... Come on.” She stood up and motioned Skoodge to come with her “Let’s go before he forgets about us.”


	13. Episode 8: Anti-ant squadron part 2/2

“It’s incredible how much I can impress, even myself.” Zim had made his 57th, self-congratulatory comment at the next wave of ants he unleashed the stupid scissors on and Cha Cha was ready to clock him in the jaw. 

“I’ll do the cleanup.” Cha Cha said “Open the hatch.”

“... Who are you again?” He asked.

Okay, now she was gonna clock him in the jaw. Or she would if Skoodge didn’t hold her back.

“Come on you piece of floor paneling, let me at him!” She shouted “I swear I’m gonna-“

“There’s people down there!” The robot screamed pressing himself against the window.

“Huh?” Cha Cha looked out to see a variety of irkens emerging from underground to see what was going on. And looking very confused by the whole “giant weapon just stabbing ants” ordeal. “Should we tell them to get down? Having them come out when the threat still hasn’t been neutralized is kinda-“

“Get down!”

Cha Cha looked to see where the voice below came from putting her goggles over her eyes and pressed a button on them to zoom in on where it came from. She found an irken with a… metallic chest, and face mask leading an army. Their firepower wasn’t anything special or intellectual, but seeing as the ants were distracted with trying to find some way around the… god were they really being taken down by giant scissors? Was that what she was witnessing? Was this what her life had come to- okay too depressing back on track.

She lifted her goggles up pointing down.

“Who’s that?”

“Oh my gosh!” Skoodge lit up “It’s chief battle technician Laf!” He started shaking Zim “Remember when we trained under him?”

“Wasn’t he the guy who got his upper half of his body blown out?” Zim asked uninterested.

“Yeah! But they saved him with a cybernetic chest implant! He’s still kicking!”

“... Sick.” Cha Cha noted “You irkens sure keep clawing.”

“Are you praising us or reprimanding us?” Skoodge asked.

“Interpret it as you will.” She shrugged going to sit down in the cramped space vessel “Let’s just get moving to-“

“WHERE’S MY DOODLE PEN?!” The robot shouted jumping out of the ship.

“... Ugh.” Cha Cha lowered her goggles again “I’ll get him.”

She jumped out of the ship along with him, landing on her feet before remembering something. She was a vortian. Who hadn’t exactly gotten that trust she was trying to earn yet. 

“... Uh…” She smiled awkwardly “What’s up?”

The soldier leading the army stared her down, an unkind look on his face, and she was pretty sure she just screwed herself over for the sake of some stupid, defective robot. All these years and that was how she went.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Because she was tossed a weapon by him.

“Huh…?”

“You’re here to fight the enemy right? We can deal with you, after this mess is dealt with.”

“... Huh.”

“Lookit this!” The robot shouted as he pulled out a magnifying glass and began burning the ants.

“Is that SIR yours?” The soldier asked.

“No.” She sighed “But somehow, I’m taking care of it.”

“Alright.”

Cha Cha threw what she could into the fight, but for the most part, she was awestruck at Laf. Each of his movements was a calculated decision that she could see being made in his mind before he initiated them. When she was trained she was told not to think, but just do in the moment. Yet he was a stone cold killing machine. Not even thinking of anything besides the fight, just cold hard purpose.

“Phew.” She put away her knife when the crowd of ants was reduced to nothing “Hey robot, how are you doing?” 

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeere’s my doodle pen?”

“... Mm-hm.” She let her coat sink down her arms a little and looked up for Zims ship. But he wasn’t showing up. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me.”

“Hmhmhm?” Gir tilted his head “When’s master gonna show up?”

“... Did you…” She lifted her goggles and looked at Gir “Did you jump out so he’d try and find you?”

“No… I was looking for my doodle pen!”

She couldn’t really guess whether that was true or not. Ugh. Why was she looking so deep into this? It was just some faulty, hunk of-

Oh it wasn’t that and she knew it. It was alive. Somehow, when he was outside that annoying little irkens vision, he didn’t exist. That asshole refused to comprehend any oversight, so he just left him behind.

“... Hey, Gir was it?” She picked him up setting him on her shoulders. “Let’s get out of here before they arrest us.”

She slipped out of the crowd, him in tow and began scaling roofs to find where to plan her next move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It looks like we’ve finished in this area.” Zim said “Let’s bring the weapon someplace else.”

“Uh… maybe we should change strategy.” Skoodge suggested.

“... What are you talking about?”

“Well, they’re learning programs right?” Skoodge suggested “So, what if we find that they’re starting to get ahold of how these scissors work and are finding ways around them?”

“That won’t happen.”

“... And why is that?”

“Because! I made them Skoodge!” Zim smiled “Nobody could resist against powerful things I made!”

“What about those 12 year olds back on earth?” Skoodge asked.

Zim stared at Skoodge for a good long minute… then threw him out of the ship.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!”

“Okay, next wave. Come on Gir.” He said continuing to fly the ship “We’re freeing Irk! Oh how proud my tallest will be! Can’t you see it?”

He waited for Gir to say something stupid but didn’t get it. 

“Huh. You’re quieter than usual. Oh well, it’s a nice change of pace.” He shrugged “Anyways, time to-“

He let out a shout as the scissors came and crashed into his ship, and he was sent careening down and landing face first ejected onto the ground.

“I feel like I didn’t program those scissors to do that-“

Suddenly a chilling voice rang out. Except it wasn’t just “a” voice. Hundreds of thousands of tiny voices spoke at once as a collective, piercing through his antenna, a horrid cacophony of one stream of words together.

“We did.”

He looked up and saw the army of ants lined up together in front of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cha Cha sat looking at the skyline of the irken city. It was… extremely uninspiring. She’d always heard rumors of the huge beautiful cities of Irk, but it was all just the same building over and over in the same reddish pink shade. An approximation of a city rather than a real one.

“I kinda prefer the shithole I grew up in.” She remarked dryly as Gir bobbed his head next to her “What do you think?”

“Heehee.” Gir giggled “You said a baaaaaaaaaad word.”

“Oh, that’s your takeaway.” She snorted “You are weird.”

“And cute!”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” She bought her coat over her shoulders again “But the temperatures a little erratic here. Makes sense since the planet wasn’t even intended to be populated and lived on. Man, this place really is crappy… but, where I come from isn’t much better.”

Gir tilted his head.

“Before the Irkens took over and we were all thrown in cells, Vortians had an aptitude test they took when they come of age. Pass and you get entered into the scientific field. Fail and you stay with your family until you’re old enough to join the military. Well I failed, but I didn’t get old enough to join the military either. You see… Me and my parents were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She looked at the man, pointing a weapon at her mommy and daddy. Was he going to….

Without thinking, she tackled the man and the weapon flew out of his hand.

“Gh… damn kid! You wanna die first?”

She saw him reaching for the weapon. If he got that weapon she’d be back at square one. So, she simply grabbed it first.

“Give that to me you little twerp!”

“Cha Cha!” Her mother screamed. He was really close now. Close enough for her to smell what he ate earlier. And angry. He was so very angry. So she pointed the weapon at his chest and fired.

Two weeks passed and she hadn’t talked to anyone. Any attempts to speak simply had her saying “I’m sorry.” Over and over.

Then another man came to her house.

“You’re traumatized, aren’t you?”

“Sir, what do you want with our daughter?” Her father asked.

“... You can have a life where you do that over and over again.” The man said “Then this incident won’t stick out in your mind. It will simply be a routine.”

“What are you saying? Of course she wouldn’t want that!”

“If you think our daughter will just accept a life of killing…”

And then Cha Cha spoke the first words in two weeks that weren’t an apology.

“I’ll do it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now I’ve just been trying to get on Irk’s good side but… I’m not gonna get anywhere working with that idiot you call a master. I just have to formulate my own-“

“CHA CHA!”

She looked behind herself to see Skoodge.

“What’s up? You get sick of the moron too?”

“No! I have to catch up with him!”

“Well, good luck with that.” She said turning away.

“What do you mean? What if he gets seriously hurt with nobody around to help him?”

“I don’t care. Didn’t from the start, but especially not now.” She said “I’m teaming up with the planet that enslaved mine for my own self-preservation and I’m still not as full of myself as he is.”

“Actually… that does sound pretty full of yourself.” 

She glared.

“... You seem upset but no matter!” He got on his knees for her “Please! He’s a little rough around the edges but I don’t want him dead! I’m sure if we keep trying for him, he’ll come around and appreciate us someday!”

“... No thanks. I’m kinda busy calculating how I’m gonna get the Almighty Tallest to hire me. And I’m making sure I’m not found by-“

“Found you.”

Oof. She looked behind her to see the soldier from earlier making his way towards her pointing a weapon. Looks like she was out of luck.

“Wait! Sir!” Skoodge stood between them “Please don’t hurt this alien filth! She’s been a vital asset to our team!”

“Thanks for the nickname…” she muttered.

“It’s within the rules that all vortians were to be detained to do their work in cells creating technology to assist our empire.”

“Yes, but her skills seem to lie more in fighting! As of now she is fulfilling a mission with us to take down the current menace towards our planet! Surely as a wise tactician who trained even powerful irken men such as myself, you can see her worth!”

“... Huh. Didn’t think you’d recognize me after all the adjustments have been made.” Laf shrugged “You were part of  _ their _ clutch of smeets right? I remember they wanted me to train you.”

“Uh… does that mean you’ll let us go?”

Cha Cha sighed swinging her legs around and held out her hands.

“Give it up Skoodge. I’m caught.”

“... You’re turning yourself in?” The soldier asked, the suspicion in his voice clear.

“Yep. I got further than I expected to get, so I’ll call it a life and rot away in prison. Maybe I’ll even see my family again.”

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait!” Skoodge shouted “Please… at least help us finish this.”

“... You’re determined to get me to help huh?” This guy was very genuine for an irken.

“Yes.”

She sighed putting down her hands.

“Mr Laf sir, can you excuse this vortian woman just saving our planet, and then coming with you to prison?”

“... Very well.” He put down his weapon. “Go.”

Letting her coat slide down her shoulders again, Cha Cha stood up, took Gir’s hand in hers and began walking out.

“Thanks old timer.” She said as she made her exit.

“... I’m not that old.” She heard Laf say on the way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why’d you do that?!” Zim shouted “I was about to annihilate you before you screwed me up!”

“And why is that?”

“Eh?”

“Irken food service drone Zim…”

“Actually I’m an invader.” He interrupted.

“Yes… so you think, but in reality you’ve been lied to…” they said, “Your mission is fake. Created to get rid of you, by an empire that cannot comprehend your worth… but we think you can do great things… if you join-“

Zim immediately stepped on a crowd of ants.

“I don’t have time to indulge your lies.”

“It’s not lies! Team up with us and we can rule the universe!”

“Rule the universe?” He tilted his head back and laughed the most evil laugh he could muster “Oh you poor sorry fools. The Irken empire already will rule the universe! They’re the ones I was born to serve and you…” he took out his PAK legs and hoisted himself up on them “You’re just ants beneath our boots.”

“No! You desire power don’t you? We can give it! We-“

“Zim!”

He looked back to see Gir, Skoodge, the vortian and some random soldier running up to him.

“What are you doing? I can handle this perfectly fine on my own!”

“Don’t worry Zim! We’re here for you!” Skoodge shouted.

“Master! I’m back!”

“Eh?”

“This won’t be an easy fight.” Laf stated “But we can take down this army just as any other-“

Suddenly, the horrid shriek of alarms came in just as much packaging as the voices were a moment ago. Along with a screaming message.

“ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! ERROR!”

The screeching continued for miles and miles until one by one, the ants combusted.

“... Huh…?” Cha Cha looked out at the crowd.

“Uh…” Zim turned to the group and pointed “I did that. That was me.”

“What on irk is going on here?” Laf questioned “It’s-“

Before Zim could hear the next word he was stuck on the shoulder. And then he began screaming. For an electric shock was traveling up his body. And so the electricity carried him into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the-“ Cha Cha didn’t have any words for the sudden assault of the irkens around her, all shocked into unconsciousness.

“Gir, do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Nope!” He grinned “Maybe we should ask the creepy lady why she did that.”

Her vision immediately fled to the irken smiling sweetly as she approached her.

“It’s nice to know I finally tracked you down! Once I realized you were around Invader Zim, it was easy! Now…”

She was stuck in the arm and was sent into the electricity that made her scream her lungs out. She fought back the loss of consciousness with all her might but she was on her knees already.

“Don’t worry…” Gir smiled “You’ll feel better with a big hug!”

Two scrap metal arms wrapped around her, and she felt obligated to hug back but… it hurt… so… much…

She drifted off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She woke up with Gir still clinging to her with a smile. Then she noticed the handcuffs she was wearing. Then she noticed the change in location. Then she noticed… it.

A horrid cluster of material that was disgusting in texture, but pristine in quality, adorned with what looked alive enough to be eyes, that never blinked, or changed expression but stared in all different directions, like each eye was a component for seeing all. She was looking at the irken control brains.

“The kill switch worked magnificently my brains.” The irken woman smiled and bowed “And I’ve brought forth a little runaway.”

“Good. You are dismissed Miso.”

She gave a charmed smile and looked down at Cha Cha before rubbing a thumb along her cheek.

“Don’t look so scared. This is exciting.”

And she skipped off while Gir waved at her.

“Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye! See you later!”

“Um…” Cha Cha didn’t often find herself at a loss for words but this was possibly going to be her final moments alive “I… what…”

“Your skills are worth praise mercenary, but we cannot have vortians working for us as equals again. They might end up being seen as such if that happens.”

“... Ah.” She responded “And… the kill switch-“

“It was there the whole time, but that would imply the tallest would be unsure from the beginning if it could go rogue. The idea they’d be putting out a device that could possibly turn on them… it doesn’t seem very wise would it? And the tallest are supposed to be wise.”

“But… wouldn’t it just hurt their reputation more if they didn’t have a backup plan if this went wrong?”

“Not exactly. We just had to bring in someone to make it look like they were able to successfully vanquish them. Someone the tallest hired.” The control brains said “Someone who could take out armies in front of crowds and then have the credit when we pulled the switch.”

“... Zim?”

“You.”

She felt a massive weight falling down on her shoulders.

“We were upset by Zim being pulled in. We couldn’t have such a short incompetent person be the hero of irk. The story will go that the tallests hired Cha Cha, a vortian mercenary who fought bravely, and once she was finished, her purpose was served and she took her own life. It’s not exactly desirable, but it’s preferable to Zim. And you won’t be around to inspire any more uprising.”

So that’s how it was. Well, she knew the moment she accepted the job as mercenary she could die at any moment. At least she was dying with dignity.

“As for this SIR unit you’ve bought with you…”

Cha Cha couldn’t stop herself from giving an audible “Huh?” Wouldn’t it just be sent back to the incompetent invader to be his problem?

“It’s completely defective and incompetent. Decommission it.” 

Hell. Fucking. No.

“Wait, wait, wait!” She shouted “Why are you decommissioning it? Can’t it be sent back?”

“It’s not in our interests helping out the defective who messed up our code on one incident. We should just handle the problem here and now.”

Cha Cha looked at Gir still clinging to her.

“Gir! Run!”

“Aw… I don’t wanna leave you.”

“... I guess you’re not smart enough for that huh?” She closed her eyes waiting for the moment to come that she’d never be able to open them again… and she just heard angry shouting.

“What is the meaning of this?!”

She opened her eyes and was greeted by a smokescreen.

“What the fUGH-“ her mouth and eyes were covered and she felt herself being carried off.

“Nice to meets you!” Gir shouted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, time to go back to the filth planet of grossness.” Zim said “After we get out of this weird little containment chamber the tallest had us locked in.”

“I don’t wanna talk about that…” Skoodge sighed.

“Well, anyways, you did good work today Gir.” Zim said not looking back “You were very good today. I’m pretty happy with the fact I bought you. So… that’s that. Let’s go home. I’m sure you’re itching for one of those disgusting tacos.”

Gir didn’t respond.

“Gee, you’re so quiet today.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, thank goodness you’re safe.” Laf was wrapped in a hug from Lil once he’d come to show them he was okay “So what happened? Are you hurt?”

“It was a strange day, but not the strangest I’ve had.” He replied, half-joking half-serious “And you? Is everything okay here in the underground?”

“Obviously. But the smeets are a little anxious.” They said “You just focus on getting back on duty while I handle them. It’s my job after all.”

“Fine by me. The armies got a lot of catching up to do since dealing with the ants.”

“Crush those opposing forces just like you crushed the ants!” Lil waved back smiling.

“Yeah…” he said walking off while muttering one last thing under his breath “How did we beat them anyways?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Cha Cha could see again, her and Gir were onboard a ship, but it didn’t look irken to her. And the residents didn’t look irken either. There were all sorts of species, from different planets all gathered together.

“Where… are we?”

“Allow me to explain.” A grey vortian stepped into sight leaning over her “We… are the resisty.”

The resisty? No, that couldn’t be. Like hell. Absolutely not.

“Something wrong?” He asked her.

“Yeah.” She chimed in “How did I get saved by a bunch of people with the stupidest name possible?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Laf and Lil are made by the same people who made Kark and Miso is made by sicknastyjr on tumblr! Thanks to them for letting me use their characters!


	14. Episode 9: The Ties That Bind 1/3

_ Subject Rin _

_ She has recently begun attending my skool along with the other alien from her race, Zim. _

_ Claims to be a former resistance fighter, but is privy to twisting things out to go her way, and this could very much be a lie given so we find her sympathetic (theory proposed by my cohort who will remain unnamed) so whether or not this is true is up in the air until I can find conclusive evidence. Something that is very hard to get with her around. _

_ She has established that she does not want anything that points to her being discovered, and thus has done just as much work to obscure Zims true nature as hers. Several attempts to capture evidence of Zim have ended with her catching me and ruining them. _

_ Despite this, she has been acting as an ally on several occasions when Zim has been posing his hairbrained evil schemes, despite not physically showing up to fight Zim as to keep her identity from him and hardly interacting with me unless it’s out of skool where she can be associated with me. I have checked the tech she has lended me, and her countermeasure plans against Zim up and down for sabotage and have found nothing. Even in a plan of hers that I pointed out a hole in, she simply congratulated me on being a “smart kid” and worked with me and my cohort to fix it. _

_ I am certain this is another manipulation tactic. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you for your report Agent Mothman.” Agent Darkbooty said in a voice that sounded more like he was tired rather than thankful “But because of the lack of evidence, we cannot move in on this threat.”

“But she isn’t  _ letting _ me capture evidence! That’s what this is about!” Dib argued “Don’t you trust me enough at this point?”

He grimaced looking at his file of pictures of Rin that he had. Definitely not a big file as the only pictures he’d gotten of her were of her disguise. Not even a green, no nosed or eared disguise with a green dog (actually speaking of, where was that dog? He hadn’t seen him in a while) A perfectly regular looking girl, who in one instance even saw him snapping a photo and flashed a peace sign. Like she was saying  _ Go ahead. You’ll never get any real evidence while I’m around.  _ And she was right. She was way better at hiding than Zim was, and even worse, she had done a good job protecting the more incompetent idiot from his scope so he had less and less evidence to show the Eyeballs. She had set up a wall, and that wall, no matter how helpful it was in other situations, was infuriating.

“We can’t make a move on ‘trust’ alone. I’m sure you know that considering how we still haven’t closed in on your other alien subject.” He said “And I’m sure you know we can’t do that with the negligible number of evidence you’ve given us for that lead.”

“Please, if I could just have one of you guys stage a distraction while I raid her house-“

“No Agent Mothman. We are a respectable organization and don’t move without leads.”

Dib threw his head back in frustration fighting the urge to burst out screaming.

“... I’m very sorry that this is where we are standing.” Darkbooty sighed “We hope you and this cohort capture evidence soon. Darkbooty, signing off.”

Dib stared at the monitor, even after Darkbooty logged off and it displayed nothing except the Swollen Eyeball logo, hoping maybe the logo would magically bestow his ticket to getting rid of and exposing-

“Hey Dib, it’s Rin.”

He jolted into action hiding the monitor. He hadn’t even told Gaz or Leona about the Swollen Eyeball network, and he was certainly not going to let his secret organization be discovered by  _ Rin _ .

He finished hiding away the monitor not a moment too soon, as Rin opened the door and peeked in.

“What are you doing at my house?” Dib asked though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Just picking up some stuff your dad asked me to get while I was working with him down in the labs. He told me to ask you if you wanted to come.”

“Yeah. And try ‘real science’?”

“That was his exact wording, yes.”

Ugh. Another thing about Rin is that she knew how to suck up to his dad. Apparently she was an irken scientist so she was more than willing to talk to his dad about the only thing he was ever concerned with. And that meant he loved her. Told Dib he should follow her example. Meanwhile he couldn’t get Leona anywhere close to him without him saying something.

“Oh wow. I’ve never seen you with a nastier look. I’m gonna guess it’s a no on that question then.”

“Yeah. But just one thing before you leave… it’s about Zim.” Dib said “Come in. And shut the door.”

Rin looked at him and shrugged walking in and issuing a warning: “No funny business.”

Perfect. Dib pressed a button on his computer and a drone came down sending a frequency to disrupt holograms and thus, deactivating her disguise. A little thing he pulled a few all nighters working on.

“What the- oh you little-“

A picture was snapped from his computer.

“Complete expert at paranormal science? Why, I accept that title with pride.” He smirked. The eyeballs would have to listen to him now!

“The word I was looking for was little shit.” Rin said stomping up to him and grabbing him by the coat “But ‘future stain on the rug’ sounds nice as well.”

Dib gulped as he came to the realization he didn’t think this through as much as he thought. But to his relief, the door flew open.

“Quit making noise.” Gaz declared “I’m trying to beat this level.”

“Fine. Let’s just get to business.” She sighed, quickly launching a device that hooked Dibs hands together and sent him to hang on the ceiling. Then a few drones crawled out of her PAK and to the computer.

“Wh-what are those doing?”

“Deleting your hard drive. Permanently.”

“Ah…” Dib looked at Gaz “Gaz! You have to stop her before-“

“Not interested.” She said walking away.

Dib bit his lip looking down at Rin. She was calmly reactivating her disguise as she monitored the drones work.

“You’ll never get away with this!”

“So you’re just shouting at me now? I thought you were a paranormal science expert.” She mocked “And it’s already done.”

He was dropped to the ground with the cuffs being undone, as she turned to walk out but…

No. He wasn’t going to accept this.

He ran up behind Rin and tackled her, earning a shout of surprise as he managed to send her to the ground.

“Ugh… you brat!”

He surprisingly hadn’t had any physical encounters with Rin yet. Probably because she’d distracted him with her “help” or whatever. But he didn’t care about that much now.

Rin had managed to turn right side up in the fight. Not surprising, seeing as she was technically an adult woman. Her features didn’t even seem enraged like they did with Zim when he fought him. She just looked annoyed. Because that’s all he was wasn’t he? An annoyance. Insane. Disappointing. He just captured the best evidence he could to show that maybe that wasn’t true and she stomped on it just like…

He then realized Rins expression was changing. He didn’t get why until a drop splashed onto her face.

Oh no. Not now. Not in front of her.

He instinctively got off of her and turned away. He didn’t cry often. The last time he could recall was when Zim was abducted for all to see and all the class could focus on was laughing at how a bird did its business on his coat sleeve. But he didn’t let himself cry. It felt like admitting he lost. And he certainly wasn’t going to cry in front of the person who just screwed him over.

“Dib… are you-“

“Get out of my house.” He managed to choke out.

He waited for her to mock him for crying, but… he just heard the sound of footsteps and then she was gone.

He waited for a while then got on his computer and sent a message to Leona

“Can you come over?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Leona asked while Dib went over his theory board.

“Nah. I feel better already. This is all I needed.” He smiled “It’s nice to have someone to talk about vampire squirrels with.”

“So, are we going out to look for them?”

“Yeah.” He grinned “Of course.”

“Sweet!” She stood up and pumped a fist “I’ve never been vampire hunting before! Oh, I gotta take one home!”

“Well, it’s not technically a regular vampire hunt.”

“Yeah, yeah technical bits.” She hand-waved “But you know it’s really cool! Way better than being alone with grandma when she’s in one of her moods.”

“Oh… was she?”

“Yeah… she doesn’t start yelling or any of that when that happens but… she’s got her ways of being harsh.” Her expression sobered for a moment’s breadth before reverting back to a smile “But now I’m here! And I’m about to go on a vampire hunt!”

“Not technically a vampire hunt…” 

“Well I mean, those squirrels probably got bitten by someone.”

“Yes but the exact origin is unknown.”

“I say some vampire just wanted to know what would happen if he bit a squirrel.”

“You have no basis to that theory.”

“Well duh I haven’t seen any yet. But like, ten bucks says I’m right.”

“I might be willing to take you up on that off-“

“DIB!” Gaz’s voice cut through the conversation “DINNER!”

“Oh.” Dib smiled sheepishly “Never mind.”

“Alright, I’ll start packing up. I don’t think your dad likes me enough to allow me at the dinner table.”

“Well… about that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin did not get her kicks from making little kids cry. No matter how annoying they were, she was no sadistic monster who took pleasure in driving them to hate the state they were in so much that they began sobbing.

“You look upset about something child.” The professor noted “You know, it’s hard to perform science if you’re not in the right state of mind.”

“It’s just what happened earlier.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at how she was being talked to like she was the same age as his children “With your son.”

“Ah, yes, it’s quite unfortunate he strays from the light of REAL SCIENCE! But if we keep trying-“

“No, no, that’s not it.” She groaned “I uh… I mean… you may have noticed me and Dib don’t exactly get along.”

“What do you mean? You spend so much time with him, you must be friends! Like that little foreign fellow he spends time with.”

“No… not really. He gets along with Leona but-“

“Which is unfortunate because that girl seems to be a remarkably bad influence.” 

“... Right. I’ve heard you mention that.”

“Allow me to disclose something to you.” He said with a smile in his voice that couldn’t be seen behind the tunic “I hired a private investigator to look into that girl.”

“Private investigator…?” Her eyes unfocused from the lab work “Why do that?”

“She seems to be tight-lipped about her background. That’s why I’m determined to get to the bottom of it. She does seem the type to be hiding something with far reaching consequences. Why, she already is encouraging my son’s bad habits: she attempted to break into my lab, she curses plenty, and she’s broken a couple of things around the house. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“... She’s just a kid.” The words slipped out after a short moment of silence but seemed to go unheard. Or maybe he was ignoring her. He did tend to do that with a lot of people.

“I just… think I might have done something… and don’t get the wrong idea that I care about this… but I think I…” Oh irk, why was she even concerned about this? The little snot wasn’t worth her pinky claw. But words betrayed her. “I think I upset him. Really bad.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

“I told you I don’t- Wait, what?” She finally got off her (self-centered) train of thought and looked to him “Why not?”

“My son always puts his focus on inconsequential things. I’m sure you’ve noticed his ‘parascience’ obsession.” He didn’t so much as look away from his work “He even rants about aliens and saving the world. He’s not exactly right in the head. So much as mentioning to him simple scientific facts gets him frustrated and upset. So I’m not surprised that you made him upset.”

“... Huh.” She recalled hearing similar sentiments in smeethood. The irken empire was a place of propaganda. If someone didn’t like the way things were run, they were simply defective. She didn’t expect earth to follow the same logic.

Especially since she never liked that line of thinking.

“Hm? Is something the matter?” The professor asked “You’re not focused on the work I gave you.”

“Oh. Right.” She slapped her cheeks. She was here to leave her old life behind, not revel in it. “Sorry, I-“

There was a sound of harsh hissing of one of the beakers above heat.

“Ah, looks like that’s ready to be used.” Membrane took it and inspected it “But you know, it’s about time a kid your age had dinner.”

She hadn’t eaten in a couple of days had she? Irkens didn’t really need the same amount of nutrition as other species but in the end, everyone’s gotta eat. 

“I suppose you can be welcome to go to my house and join my children. It is their dinner time soon after all.”

“Uh… I don’t think I should-“

“Oh it’s fine. It’ll keep the boy out of trouble.”

Rin looked away from her work again. Was she really going to go back there?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can’t be fucking serious.” Leona said flatly.

“Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you-“

Dib pressed the affirmation button.

“And I love you too kids! Now let the eating begin!”

Leona watched with her arms crossed as Dib sat down across from Gaz taking his dinner from the floating monitor with his dads pre-recorded face on it.

“What is she doing here?” Gaz questioned.

“Oh, I invited Leona to sit with us.” Dib smiled “Since dad isn’t here…”

“How often do you and your dad spend time together?” Leona asked. Dib noticed Gaz opening an eye towards her “How often is he home and not working?”

“Once a year.” Dib replied taking a spoonful of peas off his place “It’s not a big deal really.”

“And how is skool?” The recording asked them.

“This is ridiculous!” Leona shouted “My grandma may not like me, but at least she’s around!”

“Leona… you should stop talking.” Gaz said, setting her spoon down.

“I mean, I looked up your dad recently. You know how long it took me scrolling through results to find anything that even mentioned that he had kids?”

“I’m warning you Leona… you better stop.”

“I mean… does he even care about you-“

Gaz jumped out of her seat with the speed of a cheetah, grabbing Leona by the shirt and slamming her into the wall, successfully extracting a yell of pain, or maybe fear out of her poor victim. 

“Hey, Gaz!” Dib burst up from his seat, unfortunately spilling parts of his dinner on the ground.

“Listen here, Leona.” Gaz lifted her up off the ground and drew back a fist “You don’t get to say, so much as a peep about our dad. Nobody does. Capeesh?”

Leona extended her arms to perform an escape maneuver but Gaz was faster, punching Leona in the stomach, and dropping her to the floor so she could double over in pain.

“Ugh…” She muttered “You’re better than I am…”

“Quiet!”

“Gaz, stop!” Dib ran up to her “She didn’t mean any of that stuff!”

“So, any new scientific discoveries?” The recording quipped.

“Oh, like how you ‘didn’t mean’ to curse me that one time?” Gaz shot back.

Leona took the opportunity to rise up behind Gaz and try to get in a revenge punch to connect with her. Gaz’s gaming instincts picked up on it and she grabbed the fist, then twisted it looking Leona in the eyes. Leona hissed in pain.

“Pretty sure that move was something she meant to do.” 

“Well… I mean… you can’t just…” 

Gaz gritted her teeth and glared at Dib.

“You keep being attached to her like some lost puppy. What is wrong with you? Are you really just gonna cling to her skirt because she’s the only person who can tolerate your stupid presence?” She glared.

“What’s so wrong with that?!”

“She’s not a part of this family!” Gaz shouted twisting the wrist she was holding further “She has no business being here. You’ve dragged her into this place, when she isn’t even a part of it!”

The recording asked another anecdote “Are you making better friends than that bad influence Leona?”

“... I can take a hint.” Leona said “I’m going home.”

“Good choice.” Gaz let go of her and Leona started storming off.

“Wait, Leona!” Dib went after her “Gaz didn’t mean that stuff!”

“You really think that?” She looked at him in a deadpan unconvinced way.

“... She only mostly meant that stuff.”

“It’s fine. I think I was just… getting too comfortable here. I mean you’re here and it’s nice to have that… but it’s still not my home.”

Dib couldn’t quite place a response to that, so he let the silence do its job of letting Leona know it was fine to leave, and they turned in opposite directions… and then the doorbell rang.

“Who’s here now?” Leona questioned.

“Let me check.” Dib turned back and walked to the door opening it to Rin with a tired expression.

“So… Listen-“

Dib slammed the door. Or he tried, but Rin stuck an arm through and prevented it from being shut.

“You’re not kicking me out that easy brat!”

“Oh fuck, what is she doing here?” Leona groaned.

“My thoughts exactly. What are you doing here?!” Dib shouted “Here to mock me some more?”

“Look, your dad asked me to come over and dine with you. You don’t want to reap the consequences of keeping me away do you?”

Dib wanted to scream, but he knew a fight with Rin wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He opened the door.

“Thank you.” She walked in wearing her plastic smile and Dib and Leona watched in disgust.

“Okay, I’m staying.” Leona said as she closed the door “Leaving you alone with her would just be cruel.”

From there, there was the sound of screeching from the kitchen as Gaz attacked the new guest with food. 

“Do you have Monopoly?” Leona asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin stumbled out of the kitchen muttering irken profanities, and then coughed at the amount of dust in the air.

“Ugh! What are you brats doing in here?!”

She noticed Dib taking a break from blowing a mountain of dust off an old monopoly board while Leona sat across from him on her knees. Both of them looked at Rin with disdain.

“... Okay. Look.” She sighed “I didn’t come just for dinner…”

“I’ll be the shoe.” Leona said haphazardly “You?”

“I’m picking the dog. I can imagine it’s a werewolf.”

“Look, I do what I do in the interest of survival but I don’t want-“

“Nobody’s buying it Rin.” Leona interrupted “We just wanna play monopoly.”

“Look if you’d just listen for a sec-“

“So who goes first?” Dib asked.

“Oh, we can just roll for-“

“Look I’m sorry okay?!”

The pair turned their eyes towards her.

“Look… you’re… you’re just kids. And I’ve been treating you as pawns. And I shouldn’t because… despite the fact that you’re full of yourselves… and bratty… and annoying… you’re good kids.”

Dib and Leona looked at each other, then back at Rin.

“We don’t believe you.” Leona stated.

That was the exact reaction she expected, but she still felt frustrated.

“Well, it was worth a shot.” She huffed out trying not to let any emotions show “I guess I should be glad you brats are perceptive. If you weren’t you’d be totally useless.”

“Fuck you.” Leona put up her middle finger.

“Hey Dib! Clean up the food you didn’t eat!” Gaz shouted from the kitchen.

“One second Gaz!” Dib shouted.

“You don’t get here right this second and just leave it here without cleaning it up all night, and I come and dump it on your head!”

“I said one second!” He glared at Rin “So what’s the real reason you’re here?”

“None of your business twerp.” She snapped.

“Well, if this is part of your plans to get in good with my dad, someday I’m gonna make him see what you are.” He stood up with fire in his eyes “Zims gonna be ripped apart for his crimes but you? You’re not even going to have that honor. You’ll be dumped out like a piece of-“

“Alright edgelord, calm down. You’re making me sick.” Leona rolled her eyes.

Rin kinda felt a little sick too. Dib had made his share of threats to Zim before, and she figured he hadn’t had many friendly thoughts about her, but he never threatened her directly before. They were at least on the same side… to an extent. Oh who was she kidding? Face it Rin. You’re a leech. You left your noble cause because it wasn’t convenient enough for you and started taking advantage of kids for your own survival. And you…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rin… what are you doing?”

Rin looked behind herself. She meant to slip out unnoticed but Indigo always had a penchant for knowing about other people. 

“What does it look like? I’m leaving.” She said climbing into the ship “Look at how things are going for us. It’s been years and we haven’t made a dent. I’m done fighting a losing battle.”

“Rin… you aren’t really going to leave based on that are you? I thought we would all stick together.”

“Yeah, you always were idealistic.” She said “I actually act on logic instead of emotions though.”

“What about Kark? How do you think he’ll feel when he comes back and you’re gone?”

“He’s not coming back, Indigo.” 

Her face turned into a frown, but not a depressed frown as much as an annoyed one.

“You’re always so negative.” 

“Come on. They caught a spy there, and he’s a kid. It’s a suicide mission. Everything we do here is suicide missions. I’m getting out of here before the suicide attempt works.”

She started to boot up the ship, but Indigo came between her and the exit.

“... Get out of the way Indigo.”

“No. You’re my friend! I won’t let you leave because of this!” Indigo shouted “It’s not supposed to be easy! We’re doing this to help people, not because it’s easy! You knew that when you first came-“

“Of course I knew! But I was stupid and childish and thought there was still a way to change it. Well all these years and what has changed besides me growing a massive target on my back? I’m done with this. I’m leaving.”

To emphasize her point, she fired a shot at her feet.

“Move.”

“Nuh-Uh!” Indigo shouted “I know you won’t actually fire at me!”

Maybe it was time to try another method. But how…

An idea popped into her head. She knew Indigo well enough. She could… 

“Don’t test me Indigo.”

“C’mon Rin! I know you’re not this selfish!”

“Wanna bet your life on it?”

“I would bet my life on it.” Indigo looked at her with bright eyes. Fine then. She would just prove she was then.

“Or maybe you want to be wanted by someone?” Rin suggested laying an elbow on the controls.

“... Huh?”

“Oh you know. The poor little defective who was snatched up before she could be deactivated. Only here because you can’t be out in the light.” She placed her head in her hand and used the other to do a waving motion above her. “Really, all you do is cling onto people. How could anyone expect you to do anything else? Just chirping ‘give me love! Oh please, somebody anybody…’”

“No… I’m not-“

“You think I’m your friend?” She tasted acid in her mouth “I’m just someone you marked as a friend because nobody would ever want you.”

Indigo had tears in her eyes but she still wasn’t moving.

“You can’t possibly-“

Rin fired another shot at her feet.

“Move.”

Indigo stared up at her… then stepped to the side. And Rin took the opportunity to get out.

“... Goodbye.” She sighed, because any apology she gave would just be empty.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ahaha…” remembering the moment really showed off just how crappy she was. And she didn’t even try and fix it. She just kept going because she thought this was more convenient. “AHAHAHAHAHA!”

She collapsed to her knees in fits of laughter that just wouldn’t stop.

“Uh…” Leona gave a disarmed look.

“What are you doing?” Dib questioned.

Rin just kept laughing until tears spilled from her eyes… and everything went black.

  
  



	15. Episode 9: The ties that bind part 2/4

Rin didn’t remember much of the next few moments. She only came back into consciousness seeing Dib, Leona, and Gaz standing above her. And Dib seemed to have his dinner poured on top of him.

“What was I…”

“Oh, good. You’re saying words again.” Leona muttered.

“What was that?” Dib leaned over her, and she leaned back as to avoid the food from his head spilling onto her “You were totally out of it! Is this some sort of trap?”

That led to Gaz smacking him on the back of the head and he tumbled over shouting.

“... I’m sorry I came here.” She looked down, “I should’ve known this wasn’t going to go well.”

She got stares for a while, and when none of them led to words she stood up and beganto leave.

“Hey!” Dib ran to the door and blocked it “Why are you ‘sorry you came here’? Was this some set up?”

“Kid… now is not the time-“

“That outburst- where did that come from? Where did that speech from earlier come from?”

“Look, I don’t wanna-“

“Why did you come here in the first place-“

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me!” Rin snapped “You have no reason to believe me! Because you already know I’m a lying conniving piece of shit! You know it! I just…” she threw a hand up, “I wanted to make up for being an ass. And I can’t do that can I? So… move.”

Irritatingly, Dib just stared at her looking stunned.

“... Yeah. I know you’re smart enough not to believe it.”

“Nobody cares.” Surprisingly the next voice was Gaz. The eyes in the room turned to her. “Nobody cares about what you say you wanna do. Who sits around hanging with people who just say they’re gonna do stuff?”

There wasn’t much of a response to Gaz’s sudden spiel, and she shrugged and turned away.

“Whatever. I’m not wasting time on you. None of you focus on anything important.” Gaz walked off.

“Wait, Gaz!” Dib ran after her, pushing past Rin. That left her alone with Leona.

“That was uh…” Leona looked like she was finding the right words “Not what I expected.”

“You don’t have to give me sympathy points for this. In fact, I prefer you hating my guts.” Rin told her.

“Yeah um… actually I was wondering…” Leona piped up “Were you… actually part of this rebellion?”

Rin felt her mind hush at the question, as the implications weighed on her and…

“Want me to tell the story of how I joined?”

Leona quirked an eyebrow, looking suspicious of the offer. But she sat down on the couch with an almost mischievous smile crossing her face.

“...Sure. Why not?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything in the lab was nothing more than another detail. It was not something to be admired, just another part of the job. Though it was perfectly fine to look down upon it. Encouraged in fact. After all, this was the place where prisoners were experimented on.

Rin had been assigned to this lab, and Tallest Miyuki told her it was an honor. The reason she suspected she was told that however was so she’d be less inclined to be thinking of what horrors she was about to commit. 

Most of her work she’d been doing separate from others. She didn’t dislike being alone at all. She could get invested in something, discover more, open a world of possibilities…

Well, she was going to see plenty of possibilities. By experimenting on some poor sap. Well, if she did express a need not to be doing this, that was just a step away from being branded as defective so she kept her mouth shut. Swallow the propaganda like a good little cog in the machine.

As a smeet, she always had wonder coursing through her veins. But she quickly learned that the wonder she experienced was defined by the empire as “thinking too much.” She learned to hush her questions because if she ever did ask why it was that height was equated with brainpower, she’d be taken to trial. The irken empire was a well-oiled machine only as strong as its weakest cog, so the faulty cogs had to be eliminated. That was why smeets were rigidly trained and absorbed the propaganda, and they were kept below the surface to keep any interesting discoveries out of their hands. It was a system meant to make it so you wouldn’t think. But in her training to be a scientist, that world where you had to think, Rin became so wonderfully engrossed she crossed the boundary that people were trained not to cross. That meant she was bad, and she had to keep any of the thoughts in her head pressed down.

She walked into the lab, trying to go unnoticed by her now coworkers. She hadn’t seen the prisoner yet, so she was clearly not seeing all of it.

“You’re looking awfully unnerved.”

Rin smiled and turned around. Tak was leaning on a lone table.

“Leaving your post again?” Rin smiled “You’re going to get caught in the act someday.”

“I’m not worried.” Tak smiled “Look at me right now. Just standing talking to you, and nobody here senses anything amiss.”

“Your ego is gonna bite you in the ass someday.” She grinned. She always liked hanging out with elite soldier Tak, because she wasn’t as afraid of breaking the rules as she was. Of course, she could never go to her with her forbidden thoughts. The girl was staunchly loyal to the empire. She just liked to bend rules for her sake most of the time, and she was resourceful enough to get away with it. Proud of it even. It was nice having someone like that around.

“Worry about yourself Rin. After all, that’s why I’m here.” 

“You broke orders just to see if I’m okay?” She made a face of mock shock “Why, I feel so flattered.”

“I know you’re nervous Rin. It’s written all over your face.” 

“Heh… that’s inconvenient.” She muttered “I don’t like people knowing what I’m feeling.”

“I’ve known you since smeethood. Of course I know how you’re feeling.”

“I’ll have to work on that then.” 

Tak lowered her eyelids then shrugged.

“However it goes, I’m here to encourage you. You may be one big sack of annoying, Rin, but I know you’re not someone who fails.”

“... All this just to tell me that.” Rin smiled “I couldn’t ask for someone better than you, Tak.”

“Of course. Now I’m out of here. Wouldn’t wanna get caught.”

“Good. Mushy feelings aren’t my thing.”

Tak began exiting and Rin turned around smiling at her friend. She was feeling light. Happy. Like maybe things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

“Are you Rin?” An irken came up to her making notes on a pad “The subject awaits.”

Then she remembered where she was and the good feelings faded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Gaz, what’s going on?” Dib found her going to her room “Why are you-“

“You know what happens if you step in here.” Gaz said motioning to her security “Don’t tempt fate.”

Dib gulped and stood back a few feet as Gaz retreated into the dark room. She was going, so he should probably just go back and see Leona but instead…

“What’s wrong with you?!” 

Gaz looked back with one eye staunchly opened in rage, and Dib suddenly began to fear for his life but his mouth went against his brain and kept talking.

“You’re always saying I’m annoying, and telling me to shut up! I figured you’d be happy when I started hanging out with friends! Now you’re saying they’re not welcome, or saying they don’t get what’s important, when all that’s ever been important to you, is your pizza, and your games!”

“Shut up!” Gaz shouted “You don’t get it! You don’t get anything! The only thing you’re good for is your stupid conspiracies, and with everything else you’re clueless! I’m surprised your stupid friends haven’t ditched you yet!”

“So what?! Do you just want me to have no friends again?! Are you only happy as long as I’m miserable?!”

Gaz’s glare intensified and Dib was half worried she was about to call on security. But she just closed her eyes again and looked away.

“Yeah, I would like to see you miserable. Since I couldn’t ask for a worse brother than you.” 

Dib took the door to her room and slammed it. What-freaking-ever. He didn’t need to rely on her anymore. He started to walk downstairs before hearing a beeping from his room. Oh crap!

He ran up doing a run-over of the computer. Did some of his hard-drive survive Rins drone? His evidence folders and journal were erased, though he did have a lot of that stuff on flash drive aside from a few pieces he deemed unimportant, though his torrented episodes of Mysterious Mysteries and a variety of articles he had saved about strange findings were sadly gone. But one thing remained in place and it was… his spy cameras!

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” He pumped his fist a few times “Membrane tech cameras can’t have their connections severed that easily!”

He clicked to start watching Zim and… 

“Oh no.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… you and this Tak.” Leona said playing with the curls in her hair “Did you join this rebel group together?” 

“... No.” Rin sighed “Honestly, one of the things that suck about leaving your old life behind is the relationships you leave behind. I don’t think I ever will see her a-“

“Guys! Guys!” Dib came running in before tripping on his trench coat and landing on his face.

“You okay there?” Leona asked.

“Zim built something! I don’t know what it is, but we have to stop it!”

“So does this mean monopoly and squirrel hunting are off?” Leona asked.

“Come on!” He grabbed her by the hand and made it to the door where Rin was standing. “Oh. Uh…”

“I’ll be doing business as usual.” She said “Good thing I keep these on me.”

She tossed over two earpieces. Of course. Since she didn’t actually go to missions stopping Zim so she wouldn’t get caught, she just communicated with them from her own base.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s do this. Honestly, punching Zim in the face sounds like a great end of today.” Leona sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hahahaha!” Zim laughed maniacally “It’s done! All it needs is a small sample of DNA and…” 

He pricked himself and let a few droplets of blood dip down into the open compartment of the machine when it closed.

“That’s great Zim.” Skoodge gave him a thumbs up “Can you tell me what it does now?” 

“Yes, of course! It uh…” Zim looked behind him “Well… it kinda… uh…”

“Did you forget-“

“No I didn’t forget! Computer! Tell me what it does!”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“You’re lying!”

Skoodge sighed and wiped grease off his face “Guess it’s back to the drawing board then.”

“No it’s not!” Zim shouted grabbing at him “I’ll just grab a human test subject! Gir! Bring me the human test subjects!”

They waited for a few moments but nothing came of it.

“GIR! Come on! I don’t have all day!”

Still nothing.

“That troublesome little robot. Probably wasting his time with meaningless things, like that monkey who smells of roooooooooooooot!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, are you ever gonna let us out of this prison?” Cha Cha shouted.

“Well… Our leader said that if you’re not gonna join us, then we have to keep you locked up to keep you from sending any parties after us so… no, sorry.”

Cha Cha growled under her breath as Gir continued blowing the same note on a harmonica he kept in his head over and over.

“Your recruitment process is kinda fucked if this is what you do.” She criticized.

“Yeah… but at least you’re not dead!”

“Oh sure, lucky me.” She rolled her eyes, while Gir spit out his harmonica through the bars and it hitt the little floating cone.

“Did you say something?”

“I said you stink.”

“Oh man! Sick burn! Nice!” 

“Ugh…” she leaned back on the wall. “I hate you so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I haven’t seen him around a lot.” Skoodge mentioned.

“Well, he’s usually doing some inconsequential lazing.” Zim waved a hand “It’s nothing new.”

“Right… so who’s gonna get the test subject?”

“You of course!” Zim yelled “If it’s unimportant enough to leave Gir too, of course it’s okay for you to do it!”

“Well I guess that sentiment is still nicer than anything the slaughtering rat people gave.”

“‘Nicer than anything the slaughtering rat people gave’” Zim mimicked “Quit rubbing it in that you conquered blorch! I would’ve conquered this planet 5 times by now if it weren’t for those wretched worms…”

“You mean the twelve year olds?”

“THEIR SMEETNESS IS NOT AN INDICATION OF THEIR STRENGTH!” Zim shouted “IT IS DECEPTIVE OF THEIR TRUE POWER!”

“You’ve got that right Zim!” Dibs voice came from behind them and they looked to see him and Leona standing there.

“We are the elite team!” Leona shouted jutting to the side with a hand in front of her face.

“The defenders against the irken invasion!” Dib did the same action (aside from the fact he went to the opposite side of her)

“To protect the world from devastation!” Leona struck another pose.

“Prepare to be stopped!” Dib pointed a finger.

A moment of silence followed, followed by Skoodge politely clapping.

“What was that?” Rin said through their earpieces.

“HUMANS!” Zim screamed “Prepare to meet your doom at the hands of…” he gestured to the machine “That!”

“... What does it do?” Dib asked.

“BEYOND YOUR UNDERSTANDING!”

“You don’t actually know, do you?” Leona grinned.

Zim immediately screamed and jumped on top of Leona, his PAK legs coming out.

“Gah! Shit!” 

“Uh…” Skoodge looked over at Dib “I guess, have at it.” 

He began running at Dib arms flailing, but Dib easily pushed him to the side. Meanwhile, Leona has just kicked Zim in the abdomen a grand total of five times and the sixth time appeared to be the charm as he finally recoiled.

“Okay! So uh…” Leona looked at the machine “You don’t even know what it does. So how do we stop it?”

It seemed to be a large pin standing above everything. Odd choice of design to be sure. 

“Maybe it’s some kind of sword.” Dib reasoned “Like it’s a-“

He was then tackled by Zim.

“No, I think it’s more of a rapier.”

“A rapier is just another kind of- OW OW OW!” Zim was pulling Dibs hair now

“Send an image to me.” Rin said “I'll take a look.” 

“No, we’re not gonna send it to you! We’re gonna destroy it!”

He managed to throw off Zim and started running to the machine. Zim gave chase, but Leona came between them, sticking out her tongue. Then yelped when Zim started getting on his legs again.

“Let’s see here… what is it?” Dib looked at the machine while Zim chased Leona around, “Maybe if I just…” 

He touched the top of the pin, and instantly regretted it as he was electrocuted.

“NgaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!”

“Dib? Dib!” Leona ran over before Rin interrupted.

“Don’t touch him! You’ll get electrocuted too!”

“Well what am I supposed to do?!”

“That’s what I’m thinking of!”

“Think faster!”

“Who are you talking to?” Skoodge asked.

There was a sudden crackling from the machine and Leona noticed small cracks forming on the surface.

“Any ideas?”

“Give me a second, give me a se-“

She couldn’t hear the next words because there was an explosion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ugh…” Dib opened his eyes noticing a blue tint to his vision. His limbs hurt too much to move so he tried to see if his earpiece was working.

“Rin…?”

No response. It was probably dead.

“Dib? Hey! Where are you! Dib!”

“Over here…” he muttered looking at the mess of rubble. Zim sure knew how to make some explosive stuff didn’t he?

“Can you give more of a hint? Like ‘I’m over here Leo- oh.” Leona stepped into view and her eyes were as wide as saucers looking at Dib “Hoooooooooooooly shit.”

“What…?”

“Aha! That’s what it does!” Zim shouted “I was going to use the machine to turn humans into gerbils so they’d be right for the conquering! But this is wrong… I used my DNA so why didn’t it work?”

“You used your DNA? Why not a gerbils DNA?” Leona questioned “That’s the obvious choice!”

“Because… Zim is great?”

Typical Zim. Dib tried standing up, though he was still weakened from the electricity burst. His knees buckled instantly and look at that he was on the ground with- why were his hands green? And second, why did he only have 3 fingers?

“Okay, uh…” Leona walked over trying to help him stand but it wasn’t working out.

“Computer! Capture the intruders!” Zim shouted.

“Fuck it.”

Leona picked up Dib in a princess carry and started running to the elevator.

“Gah!” Dib desperately clung to her for dear life as she got in and desperately mashed the button with her foot. It ended up pressing several buttons but the button she aimed for shone with the light that marked it as pressed.

The elevator closed its doors just in time for Zim to slam into them and they were going up stopping at several floors. At one the door didn’t even close.

“Uh… why isn’t this thing working?”

“My Master has instructed me to stop working for you.” The computer said “I’m kinda surprised you didn’t see this coming.”

“... Well… thanks for what you did?” Leona stepped out of the elevator.

“Don’t thank it!”

“Uh, I want him to do stuff for us again Dib!”

“So you’re only being nice to me to get stuff out of me?”

“... No?”

The sound of mechanical legs climbing up the elevator shaft became apparent as Skoodge emerged.

“Stop right there! I’m here to-“

“Geez, did the asshole send you on your own?” Leona asked.

“He’s still recovering from the explosion…” Skoodge explained “And he wants to study the effects on the subject!”

“He means me doesn’t he?” Dib groaned “What even happened to me?”

Leona and Skoodge exchanged awkward looks.

“You know, forget about Zimothy. He sucks.” Leona tried “And unlike Mr Computer Program, you aren’t programmed to take orders from him!”

“I heard that.”

“Hey! Zim doesn’t suck!” Skoodge shouted “He’s just… confused. And I’m sure if I keep going at it, he’ll appreciate it.”

“Guys, this doesn’t answer my quest-“ Dib was cut off as one of the house's wires came down and pulled her leg up, causing her to drop him.

“Payback time.”

“Ow!” Dib yelled “Can this get any-“

Suddenly, Leona was dropped on top of him, causing him to shout in pain again. And a lens to pop out of his glasses.

“... You guys okay?” Skoodge asked.

“We’ve been better.” Leona said.

“Okay, enough screwing around! Will someone tell me what happened to m-“

Dib was cut off as he caught a reflection on a piece of metal. Leona was on top of an irken with blue eyes. Blue eyes and a trench coat. Holding his breath Dib moved his hand noticing how the reflection moved with him and felt his head where his hair scythe was replaced with two antennae.

And then he started screaming.


	16. Episode 9: the toes that bind part 3/4

Rin heard the other line explode into unlistenable fuzz loud blasting into her antenna, basically frying it, and the way the audio cut out in the middle of it suggested that it wasn’t the only thing that fried.

“Can you brats talk to me?” She asked. No response. “Of course you can’t.”

She tried checking the camera feed Dib had around the house, but it looked like that was thrown out of whack. All there was was some rubble. A lot of rubble, actually. That explosion seemed to have been pretty destructive, looking at the aftermath. She felt unease rising in her throat as she took it in.

“Brats… you’re still doing good right?” She asked into her useless earpiece “If you can still hear me, go in front of the downed camera. Just let me know you’re not… dead or whatever.”

She waited a bit. They didn’t approach the camera. They probably couldn’t hear her. But a far worse possibility was coming to light.

“Kids, just give me some sort of sign that you’re okay!” She shouted “I’ll take whatever I can get!”

Still nothing.

“If you can hear me and you’re just ignoring me as a prank it’s not funny!” She yelled. And still nothing was changing.

“Dib, Leona, respond!”

When this had no response she hung her head in fear. Suddenly, not caring was the last thing on her mind. She ran through the base, grabbing anything she might have thought useful. A few weapons, an irken first aid kit (not as good as a human one, but it’d have to do), a few smoke bombs, etcetera, and once she was confident she made a fast moving storm up to the house and out the door- where Leona was standing with her fist raised and ready to knock.

“Uh… whatcha got there Rin?”

Rin blinked a few times realizing she didn’t even have her disguise activated. What if the parents saw her?

“...Stuff to save your sorry asses after you made a mess.” She said calmly reactivating it “Where’s Dib?”

“Uh…” Leona looked to the side.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

Rin looked over and saw an irken wearing a trenchcoat and glasses (or just one glass. A lens was missing from the other side) crossing his arms in a pouty look after he made his declaration.

“You can’t be serious.” She muttered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, did you capture the humans?”

“Uh… no.” Skoodge admitted.

“Hm… well, only one thing we can do! I’ll fix the machine!” Zim shouted.

“Oh cool!” Skoodge smiled “What do I do?”

“You go upstairs and don’t bother me.”

“... Oh. Okay.” He slowly backed away “Just leaving. Cause you don’t want my help in any way.”

“Correct.”

Ouch.

He took the elevator upstairs and sighed as he sat back with a few nachos. 

“Why do you even care?” The computer asked. That made Skoodge remember what Leona said. 

“ _ You know, forget about Zimothy. He sucks!”  _

But… he grew up with Zim. He knew he wasn’t COMPLETELY terrible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ “Dying to serve the irken empire is nothing less than an honor.” The voice droned as the soldiers carried out their training, “Do your best not to die here in training before you get a chance.” _

_ Skoodge didn’t have to be told twice. He made sure each of his moves were precise as he worked through the obstacle course. _

_ “Ow!”  _

_ And then he looked back. Another smeet had tripped and fallen, his ankle twisted. _

_ “Oh, are you okay?!” He ran over without a second thought “That looked like a bad fall.” _

_ “It’s fine. My PAK will fix it.” The other smeet said rubbing at his ankle. _

_ “Yeah, but you might lose your way and die. And if you die in training, the irken empire has one less soldier.” _

_ “Psh. I won’t die!” He declared “... Right?” _

_ “Here. I’ve been honing my first aid skills. I need to make sure I’m valuable!” _

_ “Why do you need that to determine if you’re valuable?” _

_ “Hm…” he took a few first aid supplies out of his PAK. Not as good as a full on kit, but he was prepared. “I don’t know.” _

_ “Can’t relate to that. I already know I’m amazing.” _

_ “How do you know?” _

_ “I just do!” He shouted “Maybe you should spend less time asking questions and more time asking what makes you think your worth is determined by petty work. Have you ever considered that work might be below you?” _

_ “What? Of course not!” _

_ “Well, maybe you should. I know for a fact that I’m gonna be Tallest someday. So maybe you should start thinking bigger.” He stood up marching off. _

_ “Wait!” Skoodge chased after him “What’s your name?” _

_ “I am Zim!” The other smeet replied. _

_ “Well… I’m Skoodge. Can I complete the training course with you?” _

_ “Huh? Oh yeah. Sure.” He grinned “It’ll be nice to have a sidekick of sorts.” _

_ “Thanks!” _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He always had problems in regards tothinking much of himself. But…

“I always remember what Zim said when I feel like I’m lacking in value. I decide my own worth.”

“Whatever you say.” The computer stopped talking and Skoodge looked around the house.

Come to think of it, where was Gir? He’d usually be up here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So that’s what happened.” Leona finished recapping “We figured you might have a way to fix this.”

“I can try… but I have my doubts I can do much to help in this situation without knowing the properties of the machine.” Rin said as she typed out formulas in her computer “Not to mention… I’m not even sure if you’re completely irken.”

“Of course I am!” Dib shouted “Look at me!”

“Look at you indeed.” Rin spun in her chair “Look at your back Dib.”

Oh. Oh… Dib looked behind him taking in his lack of the strange device Zim had called his PAK.

“What? I don’t get it.” Leona looked around at him.

“He doesn’t have a PAK. What’s essentially the irken’s life support.”

“Yeah… I had a run in with Zim's PAK before.” Dib cringed at the memory of having his own thoughts overwritten by Zims “It’s their brain. It stores everything about them. If you lose it, it starts to drain away. And it’ll take over the next thing it attaches too!”

“Our bodies are simply shells meant to carry the real irken, the PAK around.” Rin continued “In essence we’re more machines than we are living creatures. And if Dib is missing that machine part, I don’t know what he is exactly, and that severely limits what I can do for him.”

“Well, you couldn’t have always had these PAK things!” Dib reasoned “Wasn’t there a time without them.”

“Hm. You have a good grasp on Irken biology but your history knowledge is lacking.” Rin rested her chin in her hand “Do you wanna know how the Irken empire was created?”

“Yes.” Dib and Leona said at the same time.

“Well, it began with the control brains. Some of the universe's greatest minds were uploaded into it to be helpful to the universe at large. But the brain inevitably said to itself what I would expect a bunch of super geniuses put together would say. ‘We don’t exist just to cater to other people. We want power over something. So let’s build ourselves an army.’” She clapped her hands together “They told some of their subjects to collect DNA from a variety of races to craft the perfect soldier's body. Created a room where they could be bred. And to keep them in control, they made it so their very selves were stored in an easily deletable machine. Those poor suckers who made them had no idea what was coming. So when this society of soldiers had been built up for a few years and soldiers trained to fight, with a figurehead appointed as the leaders, ‘The Almighty Tallest’, they started to begin conquering. That is the Irken race. Machines built to destroy and conquer.”

“That’s…”

“Horrifying!” Dib shouted.

“Cool as fuck!” Leona enthused at the same time.

“Whatever you wanna call it, this is pretty hard to get a grip on.” Rin said as Dib eyed Leona for her input “You might still be very much human brat. I wish I had access to that machine. I’d love to study how it works…”

“So we pretty much have no idea what Dib is, huh?” Leona looked at him and noticed the odd look he’d been giving her. “What?”

“Wait, you’re not gonna dissect me are you?” Dib squeaked.

“No. Unlike you, I don’t take pleasure in conducting amoral practices on living creatures.”

“Didn’t you say you used to work at-“

“Anyways.” Rin interrupted Leona “My first thought is waiting for Zim to fix that machine and pulling a risky maneuver to get back in there, inserting some human DNA from our unaffected party and using it to change him back. But of course that’s extremely-“

“Okay, let’s do it!”

“... The second, less stupid option, is, you stay here, I run some tests to figure this all out and engineer a cure for you, in… let’s say two weeks tops.”

“I like the first one mo-“

“Kid. Do you have any idea when that machine is gonna be fixed? Or if it’ll even work at turning you back in the first place? You’re playing with fire there. This is the smart option.”

“Well-“ Leona started.

“Not. A word.” Rin pointed at her “Anyways, Dib, what’s your decision?”

“Well… I can’t go around looking like this…” Dib muttered “I don’t wanna end up on an autopsy table.”

Leona made a low whistling noise and raised her hand. “Can I stay over too?”

“... Sure. Why not?” Rin shrugged “We’ll start with an x-ray!” Rin clapped her hands together “Can you do that?”

Dib ran through a couple of tests with Rin, mostly basic things like heart-rate (or squeedily spooch rate in this case) a blood sample, even shining a light in his eye. Eventually it was late enough for Leona to go up to the house and pass out.

“This is like a doctor's visit.” Dib commented at one point when the x-ray photos were almost developed.

“Oh? What are doctors like on this planet? I haven’t visited any.”

“Well… you have to check up with them every 6 months for a physical. Or when you’re sick. You know what sick is right?”

“Yeah. Other species get sick, just not irkens.” She said “And most injuries are resolved by our paks so, we don’t really need doctors. I’ve done enough traveling to know though. Sounds like you’re intimate with them though.”

“Well… I mostly handle the medical stuff for me and Gaz.” He said “Dad’s too busy most of the time.”

The x-ray photos were fully developed. Rin looked at them for a moment, then to Dib, and asked a question:

“... Do you like your dad?”

“... Yeah. Of course. I wanna show him I’m right-“

“No, no, no. I mean do you like him?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“I’ve spent enough time with both of you to know you have a lot of tension between each other. And… he doesn’t seem like he’d earn many parenting awards. So… do you like him?”

“... I never really thought about it that much.”

“You really just act on instinct huh?” She sighed “You’re just like him.”

“Just like who?”

“... Like Kark.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day in the labs, and Rin swore she was gonna go crazy. Ironically, the thoughts her PAK was feeding her about how great her position was were driving her up the wall even more. She grabbed another lollipop from the stand and started sucking on it, hoping to focus on it and not the horror show she just was in on. She hated every second of it. She was prepared to just turn and bolt at one moment. Then of course, the little thing on her back snapped her out of it with a hard electric jolt. It hurt enough to tell her exactly what she should be doing.

As she kept wearing down the sucker, she started thinking maybe she should just… give in. Let herself stop thinking so she had none of those little rebellious thoughts. She could possibly get into her PAK. Reprogram it. Make it so she was a good little scientist. Drown out her own mind even more.

“Excuse me.” 

She turned her head to see one of the custodians with a concerned look on their face.

“Yeah, what’s up.” She pulled the sucker out of her mouth with a pop and pointed it at them “Wait, I haven’t seen you around at all recently. What happened?”

“Well… that’s exactly what I wanted to ask about. I took on an apprentice- he just hatched!“

“Oh, so they’re assigning them jobs younger now.” She said popping the treat back in her mouth.

“Well, I took him on myself. I cared for an entire clutch during the blackout, you see, so the control brains gave me this task as an experiment- and I can’t find him anywhere. His name is Kark. I don’t think he could’ve gotten very far, not when this is a space station, but I don’t need him running away again.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’m on my break. I’ll look for him.” She said “And you are…”

“Lil!”

“Mm-hm.” Time to spend her break looking for some little shit. “Alright see you around.”

She scoured around the labs looking for the kid. It shouldn’t be hard granted they’d be a smeet.

“Oh kid… little shit! Come out and mop the damn floors…”

She eventually saw a half opened door to an empty lab and opened the door. There was a smeet there, sitting and pouting in the corner. Bingo.

“Alright kid, I was sent to look for you, so get moving back to your custodian friend.”

The small thing noticed her and gave her a big ol’ pouty glare.

“Hell no! I’m staying here!”

Rin rolled her eyes and strolled up to him.

“Listen kid. You can’t sit in here forever. What do you expect to happen if you neglect your job?”

“Well this job sucks!” The kid burst out “I was just made this without being able to choose anything! What the hell is that?!”

_Well_ _that_ _was…_ **_wrong _**_unexpected_. Usually smeets are fed enough propaganda that they don’t question this stuff. Guess that’s what happens when you get em’ out in the world younger.

“Well, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but… I agree.” She grinned while there was hammering in her head NOT to say that “I mean it. Don’t repeat what I said to a single soul.”

“Wait. You agree with me?” The kids eyes lit up.

“Well… I’m not really supposed to say that I do, but all the way.”

Kark leaned into her and launched another rant.

“So you think it’s weird that our only leadership determining quality is just being tall right?!” He shouted.

The kid was literally just under a foot tall, but hey, she agreed with that too.

“Yeah, it’s pretty strange, ain’t it? Give me more of these kid. I’m loving them.”

“Really?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Do you have anything to say yourself?”

Rin bit her tongue. She really shouldn’t. But…

“These labs. I hate them. I think it’s downright horrid what we do here. And I don’t think anyone should be made to suffer like we make our experiments do.”

“Damn… you’re awesome.”

“Mm-hm. So are you kid.” She smiled “Irk needs more minds like you. Now if you tell anyone what I said I’m not gonna be around to talk to you about this stuff anymore so zip it.”

“But-“

“Kark!”

Kark made an exasperated expression as Lil came back in and ran to him. 

“Oh I’m so glad you’re safe. You know I was really worried, and I’m sick of you running off!”

“Oh… were you giving this scientist a hard time?”

“Quite the opposite.” Rin smiled “He’s fun to talk to.”

“Oh, what did you talk about?”

Kark looked at Rin and she gave him a pleading look.

“... I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Oh come on Kark! I wanna hear it!”

“No!”

“My break’s almost over. I gotta go.” Rin slipped out grinning as Lil called for her. Way to get away with murder Rin. And maybe you can keep having those thoughts of yours. After all, maybe she just made a difference with them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait, that’s Kark? I thought you wouldn’t budge on telling me that.”

“Times change, little shit.” She said cooly.

“... What stuff did you do in that lab?”

“You don’t wanna know.” Rin let out a deflated chuckle. “As much as I try to distance myself from Irk, I’m a lot more like them than I’d like to think. Just doing what I’m told to keep myself safe. I even chickened out of helping people.”

“Well… why are you helping me?”

“... Good question.” She said “And… Huh. This is weird.”

“What is?” Dib asked.

“All your tests have come up overwhelmingly normal for irkens. You’re pretty much an exact example of one… just missing a PAK.”

“What? No way.” Dib looked at the screen “What could this mean?”

“Hm… I have a working theory.” She proposed “You still feel like yourself right?”

“Uh… yes?”

“Yeah. You’re acting like it too. No big shifts in personality or anything. So basically, that squishy brain is still yours.” She theorized “It’s not technically an irken brain so theoretically, it doesn’t need a PAK to function.”

“Huh… I guess that makes sense. But it is weird.”

“Don’t think about it too hard kid. For now what are we gonna do for your disguise?”

“Disguise?”

“Yeah. We already established you’re not gonna walk around like that. I’d build a hologram of your regular appearance but that might not be ready in time for skool tomorrow.”

“Can’t I use one of yours?”

“I don’t have any extras.” Rin shrugged “I’ve got plenty of disguises prepared, even irken holograms, but the only human one I’ve prepared is for myself. It would take 24 hours to prepare a disguise for you, and it wouldn’t even look like you since you don’t look normal, so we can’t scan you in and have it be prepared.”

“Why an irken disguise?”

“I was a spy, I had to look like other people sometimes.” She explained “I do have one idea for a disguise… but you’re not gonna like it.”

“What is it?” Dib asked with dread.

“Hold on… let me go get it.”

Dib watched her walk off, and then his eyes focused on her lab. Well, nothing was stopping him now was there?

He began looking through various things. There was definitely some stuff he recognized as his dads tech, but some stuff was completely alien. He took out a notepad, making notes on whatever he could find… then he noticed a recorder.

“Huh?” He took it “This looks like the one that me and Leona…”

He pressed play and audio started to play “Oh. Those are humans. We irken invaders are far above them. For we are above this pitiful planet filled with lesser life forms! And those two are particularly stinky.”

This was the same recorder! But didn’t Leonasay it was destroyed right in front of her? Was she… keeping that from her?

“And what do you have there?” He turned around and saw Rin looking at him unamused.

~~~~~~~~~

No new messages.

Knowing Grandma, she probably didn’t care that she hadn’t come home. Earlier that day, she came in while Leona was streaming and slammed the groceries on the counter and that was enough to tell Leona to avoid her like the plague. She didn’t snap at her at all- instead she would just create a cloud of misery. Say little things that built up to a rancid mood and made Leona feel regretful for things she had no part in. It was practically a godsend that she got invited to get out of the house. 

It didn’t seem like much was different without her anyways. Might as well go to sleep. She closed her eyes, dropping the phone.

10 minutes later, she opened her eyes and checked for new messages.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hm…” Zim stared at the broken machine “Computer! Do you have any DNA samples that the transformed Dib-stink left behind? I need to have at least some way to study the machine's effects to rebuild it better… and stronger!”

“Well, don’t use the DNA of the wrong subject for one thing.” The computer quipped “But you’re lucky. He left behind a lens of his glasses. And since I know you’d yell at me if I didn’t do this earlier, I analyzed it. Pure 100% irken DNA. That thing worked like a charm.”

“No it didn’t. The result was supposed to be guinea pigs!”

“Right… how could I forget?” The computer commented “Still it’s weird how he was able to get around without a PAK.”

“Hm…” Zim paced back and forth a few times, like one of those filthy earth cats he’d seen. If the Dib didn’t have a PAK… and he had his mind on other matters for long enough…

“Hehehe…” he began laughing “HAHAHAHA! I’M A GENIUS!”

“That’s my sign to panic.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Uh… I uh…”

“Give me that.” Rin snatched the recorder from him. She knew she should’ve broken that thing. “I can’t leave you alone for a second.”

Dib, instead of his usual shouting fit, only blinked a few times at the recorder. 

“Just… pretend you didn’t see that.” Rin extended a PAK leg and impaled the recorder “Now for your disguise…” she said “Like I said… you aren’t gonna like it.”

She held it up and Dib immediately seemed to go back to normal.

“A wig and contacts?! Like Zims disguise?! You gotta be kidding me?!”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly amazing but it was easy to assemble so…”

“Come on Rin, nobody is gonna fall for this disguise!”

“Really? Don’t you complain that everyone falls for Zim?”

“... I hate you.”

“I know you do. But we’re done here for today. I’ll keep going over the results of the tests, you stay out of the lab since I can’t trust you alone for a second apparently.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Dib stomped off in frustration. Rin took the recorder off her leg, dropped it, and smashed it under her foot. She originally intended to use it to entice the kid into giving up something she might need for it in the future. She doubted it’d be any actual substantial proof but the brat clawed for any scraps. That was a bust since he now knew it existed though. Not bothering with the cleanup, she marched to the computer sitting down and then heard a scream.

“GAAAAAH! I FORGOT WATER BURNS IRKENS!”

She burst from her chair and ran upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, look, you’re gonna walk in there, like nothing’s changed, because it hasn’t.” Rin instructed as they walked to skool.

“But it has.” Dib pointed out.

“But they don’t have to know it has.” Rin smiled her usual plastic faire “It’s just another wonderful day for you.”

“Well that’s definitely something that will have changed.”

“Sheesh kid, don’t make me depressed.” Her smile fell “Can you at least imagine brat 2 is there?”

“Her name is Leona.” Dib glared. “And we already left without her.”

“Ugh. You brats are gonna be the death of me.” She hung her arms.

“And what am I gonna say to Gaz when she sees me like this?”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Dib nearly jolted from shock and looked around to see Gaz, making her merry way up the street with her gameslave.

“G-Gaz! Uh, I know this looks weird but I can explain-“

“You were out with your team of merry men right? It figures this would happen.”

“We did stumble upon some difficulties.” Rin put on a saccharine smile “But maybe if you helped us in covering up the situation…”

Gaz growled lowly, and Rin immediately shut her mouth. Then she walked past them.

“Wait Gaz I-“ Dib started to press forwards but then he remembered last night's confrontation and stopped “Actually, whatever. Forget it.”

“You okay there kid?” Rin asked.

“Oh, I’m doing fine.” He said through gritted teeth(side note: These irken teeth were really uncomfortable. Unless they were closed so they lined up perfectly, which they often didn’t, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were positioned wrong whenever he closed his mouth) “Let’s just get to class.”

Actually class might not have been so great. As soon as he walked in, he felt a myriad of eyes trained on him. He just tried to not look and walk to his desk.

“Uh… Dib?” Gretchen spoke up “Why is your skin green all of a sudden.”

“Uh that’s because… uh… I… have…” was he really gonna do this? “I have a skin condition. Yeah.”

“Yeah right Dib.” The Letter M pointed “What kinda skin condition makes you lose your nose and ears?”

He was going to scream loud enough to break every window in this school, and he did not mind if that caused other people to go deaf.

“I think…” Zim raised his hand “That the Dib monster should be taken aside and looked at. Who knows what they’ll find?”

He was simultaneously regretting every picture he ever drew of Zim being discovered and torn apart, and tempted to draw another one right at that moment.

“Oh, come on guys, it’s not that big of a deal.” Dib claimed “Right Rin?”

“You’re right. Haven’t we all made our merry way in life ignoring his existence?”

He really freaking hated her.

“I dunno…” Mary said “I’m kinda more curious now that he’s all weird...er than usual. I didn’t think that was possible.”

Dib gave Rin a desperate look as the class chattered on. Then to make matters worse, Zim opened his big mouth again.

“If we don’t get an explanation, we just might have to send you away Dib. I mean you’re clearly not normal. Maybe we could use one of our crazy card-“

“No need for that!”

Dib was a bit too invested in his fear to break through and look to who was speaking but the voice sounded pretty familiar and Rin saying “You have got to be kidding me.” Only sealed it.

“Hi, how y’all doing?” Leona walked through the room shooting finger guns at the confused students in her wake “Lovely to see y’all. I’m Dibs nurse for his skin condition. Leona Sumali, at your service.”


	17. Episode 9: the ties that bind part 4/4

“Leona Sumali, at your service.”

The classroom had their eyes on Leona at her haughty declaration. 

“Why are you his nurse?” Zita asked “You’re the same age as him.”

“Well you see, I was a child genius who excelled in the medical field and became a nurse.” Leona smiled.

“And why didn’t you become an actual doctor instead of a nurse?” Neil asked “Or help to discover cures?”

“What did I know? I’m just a kid.” 

She did NOT think that was gonna work did she?

“So this skin condition. Is it the same as Zim’s?” Mary asked.

“Oh, Zim? I have no idea what he has, he’s just fucked up.”

Rin slammed her head on her desk.

“I think you would do well to watch your language Ms Sumali.” Ms Bitters growled “Got it?”

“Eep!” Leona twirled to face her. “Yes ma’am!”

“Good. Now open up your textbooks. Today we’re learning about how Hiroshima had a bomb dropped on it, totally destroying the city and its residents.”

_ Hey. Why wasn’t Zim posing any resistance to Leona’s entrance?  _ Dib looked over at him, who just seemed to have an eyebrow raised at the shenanigans. Which was warranted, don’t get him wrong, but Leona just threw a huge wrench in his plans. Usually he’d be screaming. And it was really hard to see with Leona standing in front of him. Dib quickly opened up a notebook and scribbled a message:

“What are you doing here?”

He showed it to Leona, who took it and quickly scribbled another note that she handed back to him.

“I still don’t go to school, and I figured you’d need help.”

That couldn’t be all there was.

“Are you sure that’s it?” He wrote down and showed her the notebook.

She rolled her eyes and whispered, “There is a bonus.”

She took out a rubber band and held it between two fingers pointed directly at Zim and away from Ms. Bitters eyes. Then she released both fingers at a perfect time to launch it directly at his head.

“Wha-“ Zim jumped as the rubber band collided with his head “Who dares to send me this… declaration of war!”

Leona made a snorting sound, and Dib couldn’t help laughing himself, but that was a huge tip-off.

“You!” Zim pointed at Leona “The Leona-wrath has sent this… this…”

“It’s called a rubber band!” Poonchy called.

“This band of rubber! To my-“

“Zim, sit down!” Ms Bitters growled.

“But-“

“SIT!”

Well, Zim seemed properly miffed now. So he wasn’t in a funk or anything. Dib started wondering what this meant. And as a way to keep track, he started doodling down the possibilities in his notebook.

“Oh dear!” Rin stood up from her desk “I think I have a headache! Leona, since you are indeed a nurse, why don’t you help me with it? Outside so we don’t interrupt anything.”

“Uh, but I don’t wanna…”

“That’s acceptable. The girl is annoying so I want her out.”

“But… I just got he-“

“Out!”

Leona gulped and Rin dragged her outside by the back of her collar then twirled her to face her “What are you thinking?”

“Uh… I’m helping. Obviously. Would’ve come earlier if you didn’t go without me.”

“You aren’t supposed to be here. You’re drawing attention more than anything!”

“Oh right… I forget the beautiful Rin, for all her flawless charm, doesn’t like attention.”

Rin glared at her.

“Okay! I came because I was bored!” She threw her hands up “I mean nobody here knows who I am as of now. That’s the perfect opportunity to slip in and screw around a bit.”

“‘Screw around’ all you want but I’m trying to goddamn survive, which doesn’t happen when you come in waving your hands!”

“Uh, I got suspicion off of Dib, remember? You should be happy about that!”

“And you don’t have a plan in case this goes sideways? You’d think someone who’s trying to keep this pathetic planet safe-“

“I don’t give a shit about protecting the planet, okay?!”

Rin recoiled and Leona sighed.

“You were wrong about Dib. He does care about that “Save the planet” biz. But I don’t care. Zim’s a bad dude. I hate him, he has to be stopped, and all that. But honestly, if his stupid guinea pig plan succeeded and he wiped humanity off the face of this planet… well I think about it, and I know it’s bad, but I feel nothing when I think of that concept. You were right when we first met. I’m just in it to be a hero for myself.”

“... His what?” Rin asked “Wait that’s not what I should be focusing on, do you seriously not care?”

“You don’t care either do you? You’re in it for survival.”

“Well yes, but…”

“Look, I’m doing this because I like the action, and I like Dib. This is my best chance of being somebody. Can’t I hang around here for a little bit?”

“... I understand.” Rin slumped her shoulders “Sorry for my outburst.”

“Two apologies in 24 hours? Who are you and what have you done with Rin?”

“Don’t test me.” She glared “But we have some time to spare to meet the required ‘you checked me out for the headache’ time. Wanna hear more of the tale of Rin?”

“Sure.” Leona leaned against the wall “Lay it on me narcissist.”

Rin gave her the evil eye for her comment, then went back into her story.

~~~~~~~~~~~

She ended up noticing Kark hanging around a lot in rooms where she was working. She didn’t stop him. On her breaks, he’d insist she hang out with him, and she didn’t stop him, since anything was better than being smothered by Lil and their love of mopping up the place.

“So you actually like working in this dump?” The smeet looked at her suspiciously.

“No. I said I like being a scientist. There’s a difference.” Rin reiterated “Discovering new things. Testing what we know. It’s my passion. In fact, I got passionate enough to start questioning things we’re not supposed to be questioning. That’s how I ended up with you.” She grinned cheekily at him, “But not this place. This place is a perversion. It’s what happens when you’re curious, but not curious enough to question what you know.”

“You sound like a nerd.” Kark said.

“And you sound like a little shit.” She decreed.

He hit her with a nasty look, which she shrugged off with a smirk. Then he kicked her in the leg and she yelped in pain.

“Ow! You little- you know I can easily tell Lil where you’ve been going when you escape from them.”

“That’s what you alway say and you never do it.”

“Maybe today’s the lucky day, brat.”

To be honest, she wouldn’t do that. She had gotten too attached to the smeet to just wave him away. She was pretty sure he knew it just as much as she did, but the kid needed to have some idea of manners. She didn’t know what Lil was teaching him, but it sure wasn’t how to talk to people like a normal Irken. Then again, looking at Karks sheer force of personality, the reality could be that they were just too damn polite to change it.

“When did you start hanging out with dopey anyways?” She asked suspiciously.

“... It wasn’t too long after I hatched. I hung out a lot with this smeet who hatched at the same time as me. Kat. And we decided to be like those people born from the same parent are on other planets.”

“Siblings?”

“I don’t care about the word for it.”

“You should. There have been several attempts to scrub that word from the language. Unfortunately for them, it’s too much of a useful umbrella term to just get rid of.”

“Sounds stupid.” He said.

“Clearly you are one of the great philosophers of Irk’s history.” Rin shrugged “Well, go on. You and this girl decided to be siblings?”

“Yeah. But apparently we weren’t supposed to do that. So we got assigned jobs early.” He said “I was a custodian and she… was an idol.”

“An idol-“ her eyes widened “She was the same age as you right?!”

Kark stayed silent.

Oh god. Being made an idol for irk was hell. They had special machines just for ripping out eyeballs and replacing them with prettier implants, and that doesn’t even begin to get into some of the other nasty stuff.

“I got really angry… really really angry… and then I was placed with Lil to calm me down.” He had a pouting face. Like a child. Because he was one. “They told me I shouldn’t focus on it. And that it wasn’t anything to get upset over.”

“... Well, it is.” Rin said.

“... What are you saying?”

“I’m saying of course it’s something to get upset over. You shouldn’t be forced to sit and grin and bear it. And you have every right to miss Kat. And to be angry at what happened.” She then became self-conscious “Uh… sorry for getting on a soap-box, but there’s not many people I can actually tell this to-“

Kark wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

“Whoa! Kid!”

“Thanks. Nobody has ever said that to me.”

She didn’t think the kid was that starved of hearing anyone tell him how he felt was okay, but it was obvious wasn’t it? Why else would he go out of his way to talk to her so often? It’s why she talked to him in the first place. They’d been so emotionally stunted that anyone would do.

“Of course kid.” She tried to return the hug before Kark broke away.

“Not a word of that to anyone or I’ll fucking kill you.”

“And he’s back.” She gave him a quick noogie, “You still need to learn respect, little man.”

“Don’t talk down to me you-“

“Kark! Is this where you’ve been?!”

Crud. The party was over. Lil stormed in with a less than content expression.

“You can’t keep sneaking off like that! How can I train you if you’re running off constantly?”

“Sorry, Lil.” Rin stood up “I was just about to lead the tyke back to you.”

“Goodness, you again? I’m surprised I keep seeing you around.” Lil tilted their head “Well, I appreciate it. Come along, Kark.”

“No.”

“... Kark?”

“I’m staying with Rin!” Kark clung to her skirt “She’s way better than you!”

“Kid… I appreciate the sentiment but we can talk later.”

“Oh my… he really seems to like you.” Lil commented “But of course, I’ve been training him for longer, so…”

“I don’t like you just because of that.” Kark spat.

Lil’s face flashed a look of shock before they turned to Kark.

“Come on… I know you have an attitude, but you can’t really mean that!”

Kark blew a raspberry and Lil looked crestfallen. Kind of genuinely. Rin kind of wanted to mouth off Kark for placing her in the middle of this without warning, but now seemed like a better time to try and defuse the situation.

“Uh… hey-“

“From this moment on, I don’t want you talking to Kark.” Okay, so that sad look was now a look of burning pure hatred “These meetings stop now. Got it?”

“I don’t think you have any authority for that based on the kid liking me more…”

“I said it, and it’s final!” Lil shouted, “Come on Kark!”

“I don’t wanna-“

Lil grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him out.

“Hey! Let go! Fuck you! I don’t wanna be a custodian! Let me go!”

Well, she was never going to be able to talk to him again. 

Oh.

She was never going to talk to him again.

The realization made her sink without realizing. Why did it matter? She wasn’t supposed to be having those conversations. Stirring up trouble…

She cursed at the thoughts crossing her PAK. Worse, the ridiculous amount of dopamine the PAK released when she thought them. These things really had it all to keep you compressed into a perfect mold for the empire. She had all the tools to help out a helpless smeet to think differently.

And now she was never gonna speak to him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And we’re out of time, come on kid.”

“What? You can’t just cut it off there!”

“Sure I can. Come on.” Rin stood up and lifted Leona into a standing position. The child pouted and crossed her arms, but followed her inside with her mind deep in thought. So this PAK administered large amounts of pleasure when they thought obedient things. What other things did it do to make it hard to resist? A whole species made up of drones created to serve… it really was just like a tv show. But if this whole “created to be soldiers” thing was real and Dib was functioning without a PAK… then maybe there was theoretically a way to survive without one, wasn’t there? Just never attach the PAK!

She tapped Rin on the shoulder, about to share her theory, when she was hit in the head with a pack of magic markers.

“WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ZIM NOT TO USE THE COLOR WRITING DEVICES BITTERS?! YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!”

Leona gave a confused look to Rin who just shrugged it off and walked back to her seat while Zim threw his tantrum.

“Wait, Rin-“ she whispered but she was already out of sight. Leona muttered a good ol’ “Fuck” under her breath and walked back to Dibs desk. Maybe she could share the theory with him.

“Hey, Dib, I have a…” she then noticed he was in a slumped position, pencil writing something but slowly trailing off the page. The false contacts didn’t exactly encourage emotions but they seemed to be going in different directions. “... Dib?” She tapped him on the shoulder and he instantly jolted.

“Ah!”

He seemed to take a moment to gain bearings on his surroundings, before noticing what was going on and even slapped his cheeks a few times.

“Dib? Is there any humiliation you’d like to share with the class?” Ms Bitters asked.

“No ma’am! Sorry!”

“Good. That’s what I thought.” Ms Bitters glared “Now, Zim, if you continue insisting you use those horrid colored markers you will receive punishment to suck all the color out of your-“

Dib was suddenly hit by a water balloon that bounced off of him and hit Leona and burst, getting water on her, and a few droplets on Dib that caused him to start screaming.

“Sorry about that, Leona-devil! I was trying to hit the Dib-beast!”

Leona blinked a few times at her dripping wet clothes and then cleared her throat.

“Ms Bitters was it? In addition to my various medical licenses I also have a license to kill. May I practice it on Zim?”

“That would be lovely.” Ms Bitters said.

“Eh?” Zim looked over “I didn’t know you had a-“

“Get over here you fucking booger!”

“Huh? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Zim ran out into the hall and Leona chased him, screaming profanities. Rin banged her head on the desk.

Okay, that was probably going to keep Zim occupied. Now why did Dib drift off like that? That wasn’t like that in the slightest. It just felt for a moment like all his thoughts were sucked out through a straw and he was left dazed. He recorded the sensation in his notebook, though it was hard when you only had 3 clawed fingers to spare rather than the usual 5 digits. He kept poking himself with the claws, and having the pencil fall out of his hands from the lack of grip. He spent a few minutes doodling notes, then paid attention in class until it was time for lunch. He stood up, noticing how after sitting in one spot for so long, and even spacing out, his legs hadn’t fallen asleep in the slightest. He supposed that was something modded out in breeding. Making another note in his journal, he walked to the cafeteria.

Once he got his food and sat down at his usual table, Leona walked in looking partially singed and angry as hell. But she noticed Dib’s table and perked up.

“Hey! Dib!” She ran over “Okay so, bad news, he got in a shot at me.”

“And the good news?”

To answer his question, out of the corner of his eye he spotted Zim holding his shoulder, before a jolt of electricity came from his PAK and he was walking like normal.

“I dislocated his arm.” She smirked. “I’m getting used to fighting against ol’ incubator.”

“Incubator?” 

“Yeah! I told you about him back in the hotel room… we gotta put Madoka Magica on the list!”

“Oh! He was the witches familiar?”

“Alien.” She corrected. “Crimson did not have any of those things lying around.”

“Well none that you saw-“ Dib scooped a piece of food into his mouth, and then started hacking in pain. It felt like his insides were being rearranged, and he ended up coughing the offending piece of food back up onto his plate.

“Oh, gross.” Leona cringed.

“Well, the good news is, that’s most people’s reactions to the cafeteria food.”

Leona snorted and gave him an elbow, while Dib poked at the food with a spoon. The space boy made many attempts at eating this stuff before, and continuously made those attempts. Probably because he was a stubborn idiot he grinned to himself.

“I can’t believe you managed to chase Zim around the skool and dislocate his arm. You didn’t think anyone would stop you?”

“I’ve been through enough public schools to know if someone’s getting bullied, teachers are absent and the security cameras are turned off.”

“Oh, so it’s not just this place.” He scooped up another piece of food before the scent made it to his- how was he smelling this without a nose? It just kind of felt inherent- well, he smelled it and abandoned the venture. “Oh, Leona! I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Uh… remember that recorder? From back when we met Rin?” He asked “Can you tell me what happened to it again?”

“Huh? Oh! That thing. Pfft.” She waved a hand while avoiding eye contact “Well, uh, she revealed herself, then boom. Crushed the recorder. Like a grape.”

“... Uh-Huh.” Not the best liar. So why did she lie?

“_So_ _I_ _have_ _a_ _hard_ _time_ _believing_ _it’s_ _true_... _as_ _much_ _as_ _I’d_ _like_ _to_.”

“_As_ _much_ _as_ _you’d_ _like_ _too_?! _You_ _think_ _an_ _alien_ _destroying_ _the_ _earth_ _is_ _a_ _good_ _thing_?!”

“_No_ _no_ _no_ _not_ _that_... _it’s_ _fighting_ _against_ _an_ _alien_! _Some_ _kinda_ _grand_ _battle_ _with_ _alien_ _technology_... _it’s_ _cool_ _sounding_ _isn’t_ _it_?”

She always made that clear… but… would she really...

“So hey.” Leona mentioned “Would you say this new change really… irks you?”

“That’s the most obvious joke you could make.” Dib rolled his eyes.

“Are you saying you have anything better on hand?”

“No. In the end, it’s not easy being green.”

Leona cracked up and he couldn’t help but join in. The problem was still on his mind, but for a moment, he just didn’t care as much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin was munching on the only food she packed for lunch: a bag of greasy chips from an unnamed irken brand. She was slowly running out of rations on this planet. Might have to turn to finding any earth food she could stomach. And while the kids at her table talked up a storm, Rin just kept an eye on Dibs' table. She spent some time analyzing data last night, but she couldn’t come up with a good way back. She’d have to look over the tests once she came home.

Well… there was another reason. If an irken could feasibly function without a PAK… there might be hope for the species future. Some way for them to live without it.

Then out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Gaz standing a distance away from Dibs table with her food. Rin looked over at Dib and Leona laughing together at something Dib had said, then her eyes caught on to the movement of Gaz as she turned around and stormed away, electing to eat lunch on the ground in a corner. 

She probably should’ve been minding her own business she decided as she turned back to the table.

“That freak Dib is even weirder than usual with his new nurse or whatever.” Jessica said “Seriously, what’s her deal?”

“Who knows.” Rin shrugged.

“You were out with her weren’t you?” Mary asked “What’s she like?”

“... She’s a selfish twit. A nihilist who hides behind smiles and fun loving. But she doesn’t care at all about who she’s helping.” She said “But… I’ll give her a few things. She knows herself. She does make something good out of her bad traits. And… she is pretty good as a friend.”

“Ugh. We’re not here to discuss positive traits.” Jessica glared.

Right… right. Rin listened to the conversation.

“I bet she didn’t even go to medical school. They just gave her a degree so she’d stop bothering them with her weirdness.”

“Or maybe she sucked up to some creeps on the staff.”

“Oooooh! She totally looks like the type to-“ 

Rin stood up looking down at the girls with a glare.

“Will you just shut the fuck up you brats?”

“... What’s your problem?” Jessica asked.

“I have plenty of those.” She stepped away turning her back “Maybe you should fix yours before you’re adults acting like that.”

She stormed away, finding Gaz sitting in the corner.

“Hey.”

Gaz opened an eye to look at her before she picked up a piece of bologna threatening to sling it at her.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait! I’m here to talk to you. You seem lonely.”

“I don’t get lonely.”

“Then why did you decide to sit on your own?”

Gaz’s eyes burned with fire, and Rin knew she had her pinned since the reason why was sitting at Dibs table right now.

“Why does he bring that annoying little weeb everywhere he goes?”

“I gotta be honest, you did not strike me as the jealous type.” Rin said sitting down next to her.

“Why would I be jealous? As if I wanna be the one on the receiving end of Dibs annoying speeches.”

“... How long were you his go-to for these rants?”

“He’d always come to me with his stupid theories. So I’m pretty glad he’s replaced me with Ashley Taylor.”

“Oh, so you’re mad cause he’s replaced you.” 

Gaz grabbed Rin by the neck, and several choked noises escaped but she did get in one “Oh, so I’m right aren’t I?”

Gaz twisted her neck and Rin had to wait a few moments for her PAK to put it back in place before she could continue.

“Listen kid. Instead of being violent have you considered… talking about how you feel?” She asked rubbing her neck from the phantom pains.

“Gross.”

“Why do I always end up with the stubborn ones?” She sighed adjusting her glasses “Look kid, either this is gonna continue, or you can be open with your feelings. Take your pick.”

Gaz’s face remained emotionless. Kids. 

“Hey… sit back. I’m gonna tell you a little story.”

Gaz opened an eye in suspicion and warning.

“Hey, you wanna hear the stuff the anime nerd is getting told. Take it or leave it.”

“... Whatever.”

Rin shrugged and snacked down on another chip.

~~~~~~~~~~

Weeks had passed since the last encounter with Lil and they seemed dead set on enforcing the rule. Particularly in how they stuck near Kark like glue all the time. They somehow had the kid on complete lockdown, and Rin couldn’t get near them. That meant more work. Though as of right now, she was chilling in the break room, engaging in sugary drinks with the rest of her peers. 

She stirred a few creams around her soda with a spoon and trying to avoid looking at her reflection in it. She had gone back to looking so dead eyed as of late. With all her expressed thoughts of rebellion her PAK had been working twice as hard spitting propaganda at her, and now she didn’t even have the distractions from the constant bombardment. Maybe she could check in with Tak. But how much longer until her mind completely dissolved into what the empire wanted? 

It hit her in the face when she realized she already was.

  
  


_ BAM _ !

She dropped her spoon into the soda at the sudden noise. It sounded like… an explosion? 

She burst up from the table. Where was Kark?

Her instincts led her to run out the door but that was a mistake. The pressure had her being pulled out, and she had to cling to the door for dear life, taking out her PAK legs and sinking them into the walls to hold her position.

Screams and commotion were creating a song of dismay as she heard people remarking on what looked like a ship you would see in the armada. The continued screams at its power and size died out as they most likely made a run for it, so Rin finally looked out to see the ship slowly open, as someone with a wire attached stepped down to the area. Wait. She was Irken!

Before she could comprehend this, she felt herself being pulled into the door way, and she fell to the ground as it slammed shut.

“Ugh…” she retracted her PAK legs and rubbed her head “Who just…” then she looked up “Kark?”

“I was able to break away from Lil when the explosion happened.”

“Kid you shouldn’t be up here! It’s pretty likely everyone up here is gonna be killed by whatever space terrorists broke into this place!”

There was more explosions sounding, this time from downstairs. 

“Well, I think I made the right choice coming up here.”

“Smug little shit.” She glared “Alright, come with me. We’re getting to the escape pods. Everyone else here seems to have had the same i-“

There was a blast through the door that Rin and Kark stood on opposite sides of. The door opened leading the irken girl to walk in. Her eyes were a soft pink, and her uniform sleeves were puffy with a heart emblazoned on the center. It looked like a complete mockery of the uniform to be honest.

“You want a piece of me asshole?!” Kark shouted “I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Okay Kark, enough out of you.” Rin snapped, quite literally- she snapped her fingers at him “Ma’am, we are willing to comply in whatever you need from us.”

“What are you doing?!” Kark shouted.

“Trying to keep us from getting shot in the PAK.” Rin replied.

“I am glad we can resolve this peacefully.” The girl lowered her weapon with a smile that was a little too warm not to take suspicion of. “Lead me to the prisoners. My hope is to free them.”

Rin honestly never heard more freeing words in her life.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The bell rang signaling the lunch period had ended.

“I’m out of here.” Gaz stood up “If you think that stupid story changes anything you’re wrong.”

“Listen… I just…” 

“Just what?”

Rin leaned back against the wall digging her hand into the chips bag but it was empty. She sighed and stood up. 

“Never mind. Go to recess.”

She waited for the girl to stand up, then began leaving herself, licking the grease off her fingers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So I’ve found surefire signs of a werewolf stalking around this area. My top suspect is Woozly, but I don’t have anything concrete yet.”

“I just think the guy doesn’t shave.” 

“He’s the same age as us!” Dib shouted “Well anyways, since he doesn’t know about you, you can get close. Maybe you can get a sample?”

“What’s your offer, green bean?”

“I’ll buy you one of those expensive figurines.” He said.

“Alright deal.” She started walking over “Which one should I get him to buy… something really expensive definitely. Maybe something obscure-“

She then felt a quick punch to her gut and was pinned against the closest tree.

“Ugh… Gaz. Always a pleasure.”

“I don’t like you.” Gaz put a hand around her throat and pointed to her chest.

“I guessed.”

“So why do you hang around my stupid brother?” 

“Uh… that’s none of your business lady.” 

Gaz slit open her eyes in a piercing glare and tightened her grip around Leona. 

“Urgh… can’t… breathe…”

“Everything was just FINE as it was. It was just me, and Dib, and Dad, and nobody else.” Gaz seethed “Why did YOU have to come and mess it up?”

“What… don’t tell me… are you jealous of me?” 

Gaz punched her in the face, and let go of Leona to stumble lightheaded for a moment, then collapse on the ground… and then Leona started laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“You were just jealous of me? And I was so afraid of you...”

“You should be afraid of me!” Gaz shouted.

“I think this is the moment where we go ‘we’re not so different after all’“

“Stop making everything about your shows!”

Gaz sent a fist flying at Leona who squeaked and blocked it in midair by grabbing onto it.

“Let go or you will be in a world of pain!” Gaz shouted.

“You were already planning that without that!” Leona retorted.

“Well I’m not a rival! None of this is your goddamn anime fantasy.”

“... Well it sure feels like it.”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. Gaz’s eyes opened in fury and she sent another fist. Leona blocked it with the other hand and wrestling against her grip, finally kneed her in the stomach. That caught her off guard enough to double over and Leona used the opportunity to make a break for it.

“Okay Woozly… Woozly… I have lost track of Woozly.” She groaned brushing off her skirt “Hey, wouldn’t Dib have noticed-“

She looked to where Dib was standing earlier and found several kids with super soakers, and Dib backing up on the ground. Water burned Irkens right? So…

Leona ran up to the situation flailing her arms.

“Hey! Maybe you should put those down, buddies!” She said the word “buddies” in a biting tone. “Someone might get hurt.”

“Seriously? What kind of freak gets burned by water?”

“You were fine with it when it was Zim!” Dib shouted.

Leona rolled up her sleeves to reveal her scars. That actually made the kids blink.

“I’ve fought people tougherthan you. And I don’t-“

“That’s enough of that.” Rin walked up with her hands folded “Just settle this without a fight. Leave them alone and I don’t send this video of you tormenting the guy to the principal.” She unveiled a camera attached to her palm.

“Oh crap!” The red headed boy shouted “Let’s scram!”

He ran off while another boy glared.

“What the hell, Rin? Are you actually standing up for Dib? You said you didn’t like him.”

“Well I changed my mind. Now get.”

The rest of the bullies scattered and before Leona could get a look back at Rin she was gone.

“Since when is Rin your personal bodyguard?” Leona asked, extending a hand to help Dib up.

“I have no idea. That was really out of character for her.” He muttered, taking the hand and getting off the ground. “Usually when this kind of stuff happens she’s acting like she doesn’t notice.”

“So it’s a game of ‘guess the ulterior motive’.” She muttered “What does blondie…” she stopped talking.

“What?”

“Your hand is really shaky.”

“Huh? Really?”

“Yeah… actually it looks like you’re completely shaking. Are you okay and shit?”

“I… do feel a bit colder than before. I thought it was the Irken thing but…”

“We might wanna talk to Rin about this.”

“No way.” Dib shook his head “With that stunt she just pulled it’s probably a calculated move. She wants us to come to her for something.”

“So… who do we ask? I mean-“ she paused.

“Oh no.” Dib grimaced “Please don’t tell me you just came to the same conclusion I did.”

“Can we please just talk to Rin?”

Dib looked over at her ready to just call it quits on the resisting of her… but then he remembered her deleting his hard drive last night with that smirk on her face looking so accomplished with herself.

“No. We’re doing this.”

Leona groaned as Dib began walking but was forced to follow behind because of her clinging to his hand… Wait. They were holding hands. He looked backwards trying to see if she had noticed and what he should even do in this situation and then he hit a wall. Well more accurately he hit an alien menace who he hated.

“What do you think you’re doing in the same space as Zim, Dib-worm?”

“Ugh.” Dib glared “The machine, Zim. Did it have any side effects?”

Zims eyes widened and he immediately began dodging his gaze “I don’t know what you mean Dib-beast.”

“Oh brother.” Leona let go of Dibs hand and marched up to the alien soldier. Dib quickly resorted to stuffing his hand in his pocket so she wouldn’t realize what just happened. “Come on jolly green midget. I dislocated your arm earlier. I can do it again.”

“That was a successful endeavor, human. But now my guard is up.” 

Dib put his fists up ready to help Leona. She noticed out of the corner of her eye but kept walking.

Zim bought out his PAK legs, and Leona recoiled for a moment-god those things were way bigger and scarier than those pocket knives that left scars everywhere on her torso- but then she stepped forward and grabbed Zim before he could lift himself with them.

“Yeah? Well now I have more motivation. Because I’m not leaving this alone until Glasses McDorkfaceturns out okay.”

“Hey! Let go!”

“Aw… is little kitty upset?” Leona mocked.

“You’ll regret mocking me.” Zim gritted his teeth.

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure. Why not?”

He started to bring his leg towards her eye and she instinctively dropped him covering her face to guard the blow- that didn’t come. Instead she heard Dib shout behind her and she turned around to see him grabbing his shoulder in pain.

“There. Now I dislocated his arm.”

“... Crap, crap, crap!” Leona turned and bent down “That’s gonna fix itself right?”

“Uh… I don’t think it will.” Dib said “Not… without a…” his face darkened “Oh no.”

“Yes, you should be cowering, human, because-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up for a second.” Leona held out a finger “What do you mean ‘oh no?’”

“It’s because I don’t have a PAK! I have my brain, but the irken body is unable to sustain it without a PAK!”

“What? No… whatever gave you that idea?” Zim asked.

“Okay so that suspicion is correct.” Leona said “Shit… we need to fix this sooner than I thought.”

“No, you don’t!” Zim shouted.

“So… the plan Rin suggested! Getting to the machine!” Dib suggested.

“What machine?”

“Good idea!” Leona picked him up by the trench coat “Let’s go!”

“Hey! Wait!” Zim shouted.

“Yeah wait, I can’t run backwards!” Dib shouted “Or a lot in general. I’m having a hard time feeling my ar-“

Leona slung him over her shoulder and started running.

“Humans! Stay in place and I’ll destroy you!”

“Huh… this is the second time you’ve carried me in the past 24 hours.” Dib noted “Not sure what to do with this situation,”

“Maybe lose some weight.” Leona grunted. 

“That’ll do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So kid.” Gaz looked up to see Rin approaching with a stern expression “Wanna tell me what THAT was?”

“Go away.”

“I can’t do that when you’re a little kid who immediately jumps to violence as a way of communication.”

“Cry me a river.”

“Oh really? Did that conversation turn out how you wanted to?”

“She hit me!”

“In self-defense.” 

“She invoked my wrath.” Gaz said matter of factly “If you heard the shit she was saying, you wouldn’t blame me.”

“Let me guess. She thinks of all this as a game. Is that what you were gonna say?”

Gaz threw a rock. 

“My brother actually cares about this stuff. She’s just clinging on to him like a leech for some good times. It makes me sick.”

“I thought you didn’t care about your stupid brother.” Rin smirked.

“One more word and the next rock goes into your skull.” 

“Well, you can mope and use your fists to talk all you want. But nothing’s gonna change until you admit you care about this and air out your feelings.”

“I could say the exact same thing to you.” Gaz retorted.

“Well there’s one difference between you and me kid. I don’t need things to change.”

“Psh.” Gaz opened her eyes to roll them at the bold faced lie “If you’re gonna keep up that act, don’t lecture me.”

Rin’s smirk was wiped off her face. 

“Alright… I might…”

“Hey, where are they going?!” A voice shouted. Gaz and Rin looked around but didn’t quite catch what they were supposed to be seeing.

“Uh… excuse me.” Rin waved to the boy standing next to them “What just happened, exactly?”

“Dib, that new kid, and Zim sprinted away talking about getting to a machine…” 

“Those dumb as shit kids.” Rin spoke in frustration getting up “God I have to- Gaz, are you coming?”

“No.”

Rin looked around and groaned “Listen. If you come with me I’ll help you embarrass your brother at a later date.”

Gaz immediately stood up “Well, let’s go.”

“Ugh.” Rin rolled her eyes “Alright c’mon.”

~~~~~~

Skoodge was sitting on the couch flipping through channels. It was halfway through the day, the part of the day where there was peace and quiet in the house. So when the door burst open and Leona ran past carrying Dib, while Zim came after them screaming… okay, to be honest, he wasn’t too surprised. 

“Zim, what’s going on?” He asked, stepping after him.

“Skoodge! Don’t let the humans use the machine!” 

“Oh…” he was suddenly feeling very self-conscious. 

“What? Why are you making that face?” 

“Well I uh… kinda fixed it while you were gone. I thought it’d make you happy.”

“You WHAT?!” Zim started shaking him “The Dib could die if he’s not changed back! This was an excellent chance to be rid of the pest! I was calculating to make sure he wouldn’t discover it before then!”

“That kind of sounds like your fault.” Skoodge commented.

“Hey you stupid toilet, let me in!” Leona shouted shoving a leg in the toilet.

“Protocol does not allow for intruder access.”

“I’ll give ya 20 bucks!” 

“What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

“I don’t know! Just fucking let usin!” 

“Wow, this scene is a bigger mess than I was expecting.”

Skoodge looked around noticing a blonde and a girl with purple hair entering.

“Gaz human!” Zim shouted “And uh…”

“You’re not the brightest bulb in the drawer.” The blonde said, adjusting her glasses “Maybe you’ll remember me from that little skool project?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, you’re her?” Skoodge pointed at her. The girl's blue eyes fell to him before her smirk fell and she adjusted her glasses.

“Who are you again?”

“OH, COME ON!”

“If you want to quit wasting time.” Gaz stormed past Zim and Skoodge, right to Leona, then threw off Dibs wig and started pulling on his antenna. “Come on Dib. Let’s go home.”

“Ow! Gaz! Those things are a lot more sensitive than they look!”

“I don’t give a shit. I just wanna go home and pretend like none of this shit is happening.”

“He isn’t coming home with you!” Leona shouted.

“Why not?”

“Because, I might seriously expire if I stay like this Gaz!”

Gaz stopped pulling. “Huh?”

“Ugh, are you gonna explain it again?” Zim grimaced.

“I don’t have a PAK! And without a PAK, I’m slowly… slowly…” he drifted off.

“Slowly what?” Skoodge raised his hand. 

“Drifting off…” Rin stepped forward “No way… even like this, your body just can’t function without a PAK?”

“Aren’t you the expert?” Leona asked.

“Hey, how do you know this stuff?” Zim asked.

“Uh… I think I know.” Skoodge said “You’re irken aren’t you?”

Rin had the face of a deer in headlights. Then…

“Well. I guess I have to do something to fix this mess.” She sighed. Then her disguise faded, legs coming out of her PAK. “Brats, stay where you are. I’ll get this stupid shit taken care of pronto.”

“Oh no you don’t!” Zim shouted “Computer, attack the intruders! And who are you?!”

Robotic arms came down to try and apprehend the group, but Gaz was the first to tear into them. 

“I can’t believe I have to save you dumbasses.”

“Gaz!” Dibs eyes widened and sparkled.

“Ugh!” Rin’s robotic legs were tangled up in the wires, so Gaz sighed and ran over to her, brushing off Zim and Skoodge easily “Leona, you know how to fight. Deal with this shit.”

“Mmhm!” Leona stepped on a wire multiple times and crushed it under her feet then repeated the process. “Also, if you’re gonna act like this house, I’m not gonna be nice to you anymore.”

“I can live with that.”

“Damn it, I thought that would work.” 

Meanwhile, Gaz had gotten rid of the wires that held Rin captive, and shewas skating across the floor before being stopped by Zim.

“So what’s your purpose irken? Are you like Tak here to steal my-“

Gaz punched him in the face and knocked him over.

“Just so you know, I couldn’t care less about you and your mission.” Rin gave a plastic smile and made it to the toilet where Dib and Leona were opening up the side of the toilet.

“What are you doing?” Leona asked.

“Hacking into this thing.” Rin said.

“I resent that.” The computer declared.

“Cry me a river, buddy.” She retorted while Leona fought off another arm coming for her. “And besides, I’ve done this kind of thing under fire before.”

“Is this another transition to a flashback?” Leona asked.

“That’s right, get comfortable. It's gonna take a while to hack this thing.”

~~~~~~~~

“So you’re a rebel group?” Kark pried, bouncing up and down.

“Yeah… though we’re kind of new.” The stranger smiled “This is one of our first missions.”

“Whoa… and aren’t you scared of getting caught?”

Rin dug her claws into her palms.

“Not really. I was already deemed defective. But I got away before they caught me and joined this movement!”

“You’re awfully comfortable just saying you were deemed defective out loud.” Rin commented “That’s the kind of thing that could get you killed.”

“True… but I’m a rebel now! Living on the edge is kind of my thing!”

“That’s such a terrible reason to be a rebel.”

“And why are you doing what you’re doing then?”

Rin didn’t have a response to that. This girl was a bit of a smartass. Not too bad. As she entered a lab, she heard a scream take hold of the area.

“Please! No more! I don’t wanna-“

“Hey… it’s okay.” She murmured but it was drowned out. The voice sounded childish. Well, it made sense. She’d read this subject’s file since the other lab members neglected to burn it, and he had apparently been born in these labs. Tough life, kid. More pleads sounded until she opened the chamber and stepped to the side. The subject panicked for a while more before seeming to realize nothing was happening and giving a confused sentiment.

“What are you doing?”

_What_ _I wanted to do the second I saw you here _**_you shouldn’t be wanting this. This is a defeat. _**_Helping you. _**_You should only help the irken empire._**

She shook off the thoughts her PAK was feeding her and said “Exactly what you want.” Even fighting through the PAK’s control, saying those things would just be a cry for undeserved forgiveness. She closed her eyes, waiting for the subject to run away, but she was grabbed in a hug.

“Whoa! I-“

** _Unallowed unallowed-_ **

“This is unallowed!”

“Thank you. This is the first time anyone’s done something nice for me.”

** _Unallowedunallowedunallowed-_ **

“... I don’t deserve your thanks. Just take this map and run upstairs. Someone is coming to save you.”

The child ran off and she noticed the irken girl smiling.

“What?”

“Well, all the other subjects just ran. It’s nice to see one be nice to you.”

“I don’t deserve that.” Rin scoffed.

“You totally do!” Kark shouted “You’re helping them be free!”

“Kid, I’m one of the reasons they were staying here in the first place.”

** _Which is good _ ** _ shut up  _ ** _serve your purpose_ ** _ shut up  _ ** _catch the- _ ** _ shut up shut up shut up! _

“You spend so much time fighting don’t you?” The Irken girl asked. Rin looked at her.

“Not enough.” She acknowledged “Never enough.”

“You can come with us if you want.”

** _Don’t don’t don’t_ **

“I don’t deserve to.”

“Of course you do.”

“Yeah!” Kark shouted unhelpfully.

“If you really think that, Kark, you don’t know anything about me.”

“Hey, I’m not just a fighter.” The girl smiled “I’m a diplomat. Call me Indigo.”

“I could report that name.”

“But you’re trying not to.”

Rin looked at her hand and tried to drown out the droning propaganda being shouted inside her head. She was about to reach out when…

“What… are you DOING?!” 

Rin saw Lil standing in the doorway. Too much noise. They were caught.

“... Indigo, was it?” Rin asked “Take Kark and get out of here. Teach him the rebel ways or whatever.”

“Huh? What about you?”

“Oh…” she was gonna have to lie if she wanted any chance of Kark leaving without her “I’ll catch up.”

“No you won’t!” Lil shouted “Nobody is leaving with my ward!”

“Maybe this will change your mind.” Rin leaned onto a control pad and typed in controls for a drone. It fired at Lil who quickly jumped forward to the ground out of the way.

“Rin…” Kark looked at her.

“GO!”

Indigo took Kark away, and Lil was left dumbfounded. Rin stood back holding her breath, waiting for Lil to trip the alarm. But then they stood up. They stood with a rage in their eyes Rin wasn’t sure was even possible for someone to have. Then they lunged at her.

“Ah!” Rin was unfortunately taken away from the control panel so she activated her legs. She had no idea how to use these things like a trained irken soldier did, but they’d have to make do for now.

“You think you can just get away like that?!” Lil charged forward and hit Rin so hard that she was sent back and shattered the glass of the cell formerly holding its prisoner. 

Rin got to her feet and started firing lasers from the tips of the legs as she regained her footing, but Lil shrugged off every one of them. Were these things just weak or was Lil just ridiculously strong?

“I was going to raise that child myself!” Lil screamed “I had the chance to nurture life! Then you came and started to make him act out! Not even caring about what I was giving him!”

As they declared this, they grabbed Rin by the neck.

“News flash smother… this life was never what he wanted!”

Lil took out her PAK legs and jammed them into Rins stomach. Rin spat out blood onto the others face as her own PAK tried to heal the holes that still had the metallic joints pierced through them.

“He hated this place more than I did… he never had a choice in his ambition… it was given to him after his… his sister was ripped away. I just gave him the freedom of choice…”

“DIE!”

A myriad of legs came out… way more than was normal… probably modified by the owner… and all of them pierced her at the same time. Consciousness was slipping as her PAK was having a hard time keeping up with healing… when she woke up it would be at an existence evaluation… and then she’d be deemed defective.

** _Go_ ** _ od r _ ** _idd_ ** _ an _ ** _c_ ** _ e _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

“And we’re done. Have a nice trip down the drain, kids.”

“Wait, what happened after that?” Dib asked.

“No time, come on, you gotta get going.” Rin pressed a button and the kids were sent downward.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” Zim shouted before running to the trash can “COMPUTER! Take me where they’re going!”

“I-I-I’m coming too!” Skoodge squeezed in with him.

“Ugh! Who’s gonna be protecting our top part of the base from those two?!”

“I think I’ve gotten something now that the loudmouth is out of the way.” The house's wires wrapped around Rin’s legs and held her up.

“Augh! Dammit!”

Gaz paused from her fighting to look wide eyed. The computer took the opportunity to trip her up.

“That’ll do.” Zim said “Now take us down!”

Skoodge held his breath on the way down listening to the elevator music, while Zim had his arms crossed.

“So… you wanna plan for anything?” Skoodge asked.

“Not really.” 

“Oh.”

More quiet.

“Because I built a self-destruct button. So it might help us.”

“Cool.”

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments, until the elevator doors opened. Then Zim ran in screaming and knocked into Leona. 

“Ow!” Leona fell to the ground, and Dib wasn’t too far behind, rolling across the ground and grabbing his shoulder shouting in what looked like pain.

“Aha!” Zim shouted “Skoodge! Grab the self-destruct button!”

“Yes sir!” Skoodge saluted, then ran to the table where he placed it. “Huh… I remember putting it here. One sec…”

Zim and Leona were in a wrestling match as Zim used his PAK legs to pin her while she dodged relentlessly.

“Hey, Marvin the Martian, if you put away the extra legs I can beat you whenever I-“

“My name is Zim! ZIM!” He angrily shouted, sending a leg to her forehead. She squeaked and blocked it with her hands, desperately pushing up.

“Leona!”

Dib started crawling over to them, but Leona shook her head.

“Hey, if you come over here, he’s just gonna attack you instead!”

“Don’t worry. I have a plan. I think I’m in a good state to take him.” He smiled.

“Oh… since you’re Irken! Alright, go for it!”

He took out his contact lenses and threw them at Zim “Eat this!”

They bounced off of him and onto the ground. 

“... I didn’t think this through all the-“

“What kind of poison did you put in those contacts?!” Zim jumped over to Dib screaming.

“Let’s see…” Skoodge continued rummaging “Not here… doesn’t seem to be here.”

“Shit, shit, shit!” Leona got up and started trying to pull Zim off of Dib. She was responded to by having half of the PAK legs gunning for her. “Alright… let me just-“

She stomped down as hard as she could on Zims foot. He, of course, started shouting irken curses in pain and jumping around grabbing it. 

“Dib, can you stand?”

“The… machine first.” He muttered, taking off his glasses that now had their other lens cracked “It requires DNA right?”

“Alright one second…” Leona started dragging Dib by the trench coat over and plucked a few of her hairs to insert them.

“Okay, it’s all yours. I’m gonna stand back.” She said backing up.

“SKOOOOOODGE!”

“Oh! Here it is!” He laughed “Funny! This whole time it was under the table! I guess it fell o-“

“Press it Skoodge!”

“Wait no!” Dib shouted.

“Okay, give me a second…”

“Ugh! Fuck it!”

Leona pinned Zim up against the machine.

“If you press that button, Kermit the frog is getting caught in the blast.” She threatened “It might even shatter his PAK.”

Skoodge froze in mid-press.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… Ms. Rin.” The computer droned “Who exactly are you?”

“I’m a fashionista here to buy boots.” She spat glaring at the ground from her space suspended in the air. Gaz would probably chuckle if she wasn’t too busy wrestling herself free.

“That’s nice… but by chance could you be the Rin who was reported as a rebel spy, and reported by then, soldier in training Tak?”

“How did you-“

“Skoodge bought back a pen with your dna on it. Very sloppy.”

“Rin… you know Tak?” Gaz opened an eye. She expected Tak was just some one off stupid alien. What connection could Rin possibly have?

“I don’t even know what she’s up to now! I haven’t seen her in years!”

“Well, scrubbing floors is a start.” The computer made a snorting sound.

“I don’t care! We aren’t friends anymore! And I’m gonna make sure you don’t send my whereabouts back to-“

“Chill.” The computer interrupted “I’m actually pretty aware that this whole job I was created for is fake. Which, after I got over the existential dread, meant I didn’t have to report anything to anyone. So your secret is safe with me.”

Rin looked up from where she was hanging with a surprised look. “How do I trust you…?”

“Well, what are you gonna do if I’m lying?”

Rin glared as Gaz pulled herself free from restraints then noticed her and gave a nod. Gaz ran up freeing her PAK from the wires and sending out several drones to cut her free. She landed on her face and grunted.

“Ugh…” she stood up “Well, for the time being, is it enough to leave us alone while we wait?”

“Sure. Don’t expect me to help the weeb and the nuthead though. My boss is down there.”

“And they’re annoying.” Gaz chimed in.

“Yeah… that too.” She could hear the smirk in his voice “And infinitely more fun to mess with.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, Skoodge was it? What’s it gonna be?”

“Don’t listen to her Skoodge!” Zim shouted “Press that button!”

“I dunno… what if you get hurt?”

“That’s not important!” Zim shouted “What’s important is the mission! Press that button!”

Skoodges eyes widened, and then he sighed… and broke the button in half.

“HAHAHA!” Leona let go and pumped her fists in victory “YES!” 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Okay Dib, go for it!” 

“Right!” Dib went for the machine and started screaming from another jolt of electricity… but this time, the machine stayed stable, and as he reverted back to normal, he passed out.

“Aw, fuck!” Leona ran up to him and caught him “Dib, are you okay?”

“Leona…” he opened his eyes “... I can’t see anything.”

“Ugh… I can’t believe I have to carry you for the third time in 24 hours.” She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Okay, let’s bully the computer into helping us.”

“Wow, thanks asshole!”

As Dib and Leona struggled in their escape, Zim stomped up to Skoodge, snarling.

“What do you think you just did?! Did I not tell you the mission was more important?!”

“I did…” Skoodge admitted “But that’s why I did it!”

“Explaaaaaaaain yourself!” Zim shouted while Leona tried forcing the elevator door open with her hands in the background.

“The Zim I know… knows he’s valuable without a mission! If you seriously think you aren’t… you’re not the Zim I know!”

“... eh?” Zim was turning a brighter shade of green.

“You’ve made me think that since childhood! And even though I constantly hear a voice in my PAK telling me it’s not true… it’s certainly true enough for you. So… I’m standing by it.”

“I-I-I…” Zim stuttered “AHEM! Um… thank you Skoodge. You’ve given me quite a bit to think about. Computer, let the humans go.”

“Alright, alright.” The elevator opened its doors and Zim walked deeper into the labs.

“Zim? Where are you going?” Skoodge asked.

“Around… you know.” He shrugged “I am ZIM!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leona came upstairs struggling to carry Dib.

“Can you guys help? This is murder on my back.”

“Geez… as a human smeet, he looks way more beat up than before.” Rin muttered.

“I could also use… a glass of water.”

“... Rin, do you have any water?”

“Water burns me.”

“Which is exactly why you’d carry it around not drinking it for obnoxious reasons.”

Rin glared and turned around. 

“Whatever. C’mon, kids.”

They cleared out of the house while Leona looked around.

“So did the computer just let you guys go…?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skoodge eventually made it up to the main base and sat on the couch. He didn’t seem to have much else to do around here, what with Zims anti-social tendencies. But, out of the blue, he realized he was being sat next to. He jumped a little before realizing that it was Zim.

“Hey. What are you doing up here?”

“I dunno. Wanted to hang out with you a little.”

“Really?”

“Sure. Why not.” 

“Okay! Sounds great!” Skoodge smiled.

“Mm-hm. Yep.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin woke up somewhere she didn’t recognize. She mumbled and rubbed her head before noticing Kark was next to her asleep.

“Kid, what are you doing here?”

“Rin!” He jumped up to hug her and she gasped in shock. 

“Hey! What… why am I not in a trial room?”

“Kark came back for you.” Indigo stepped in along with the child who she helped earlier “I tried to stop him, but… he was too fast for me.”

“Yeah! And I beat them up!”

“No you didn’t.” Rin stated “You’re a smeet. They would’ve wiped the floor with you.”

“Yeah… in reality… he came back and begged for them to spare you. Even started crying.” Indigo smiled.

“I DID NOT!”

“And then what happened?” Rin asked.

“They… just said okay and let you go.” Indigo said “Looks like they really did care.

“... Really?” She looked at Kark. He was sitting there with a sour expression.

“So, what now?” Indigo asked.

“... What about you? What are you gonna do now?”

“We’re gonna drop off everyone at a shelter, and then we don’t have much plans from there.” She admitted “Sorry.”

“Hm…” Rin laid back sighing “This is not worth it. This is so not worth it. But…” she leaned forward and resisted the pain being administered from her PAK “I’m in.”

“So am I!” Kark shouted.

“I wanna join too!” The kid shouted.

“Uh… sorry, but you’re going to the shelter.” Indigo said “Bosses orders. You’re in a lot of danger getting out back by resisting um… what’s your name?”

“7498.”

“Okay… you need another name.”

“Uh… can you guys come up with it?” He asked.

“... Nah.” Rin turned her head.

“Rin!” Indigo shouted.

“I think he should pick it himself. After all…” she smiled “It’s his first time picking something.”

“Sounds good! How about something like… Spleenk?”

“That’s a stupid name.” Kark said, causing Rin to elbow him.

“Show some respect kid.”

“Okay. Take these.” Indigo walked up to Rin extending out what looked like a pair of goggles? But they didn’t have the strap needed to wrap around her head.

“What are these?”

“Glasses.” Indigo smiled “Meant to show how strong, beautiful, and intelligent you are.”

“Heh… flattery will get you nowhere. But thanks.” She put them on. “Alright, what do I do first?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a dosage of first aid from Rin, she stuck around a bit while Gaz found a spare pair of glasses in his room. 

“Okay, if anything goes wrong, call an ambulance, not me. They are WAY more prepared. Can you kids do that please?”

“Got it.” Dib said.

“Good… good… and uh… one last thing?” Rin stopped in the doorframe “I… think you did a good job today.”

She then slammed the door shut, causing them to raise eyebrows.

“Weird.” Dib said.

“Yeah.” Leona agreed.

Gaz just glared for a hot minute. Whatever. Soon she’d be gone. 

“Hey Dib… is it okay if I crash here tonight? Since you’re injured and all. I’ll probably be worried if I go back on my own.”

Gaz’s eyes opened wide.  _ Say no, Dib. Say no. Say- _

“Sure. Why not?”

Fuck. She stomped to the kitchen. Whatever. She could wait for Leona to pass out. Maybe sneak some nyquil into her food. She’d wait it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib was just about ready for bed. Leona was asleep on the couch, he was in pajamas, and had brushed his teeth, and his injuries spelled exhaustion. He turned from the mirror and was faced with-

“You’re up late, son.”

“Gah!” He fell backwards and nearly hit his head on the sink. His dad’s monitor- and from the looks of it, it was live instead of pre-recorded.

“Dad! What is it?”

“It’s past curfew, but there’s an unrecognized biosignature in the house. Is this your ‘Leona’ friend?”

“Yes it is… She’s staying the night.”

“Well, it makes sense considering her upbringing.”

“... Huh?”

“Well this is the part of the reason I made this call. I’ve had a private investigator uncover what he could about her. The results are… rather telling.” He sighed.

“Wait. You had an investigator look into her?!”

“Yes, and here are the results.” The image on the monitor pulled up a piece of paper and cleared his throat “Her mother was a teenager. After her father paid court martials for silence on the affair, the mother died in birth due to very few hospitals wanting to take her, and as such she currently lives with her grandmother on her mother’s side.”

Dib felt dirty hearing this now. He wanted to hear this, but he wanted to hear it from her! He was getting this information without her even knowing about it right now.

“It makes sense, doesn’t it? She has nowhere to go. It’s no wonder she’s ended up the way she has… but I’ve thought of a solution.”

“... Huh?” Dib half said that out of the fact he was still processing what happened in less than a minute.

“She obviously doesn’t have any paths available to her in life because of her upbringing… which is why I am offering one!” He put down the papers “An internship for Membrane labs! It should lead to a promising career path and make her a far better influence on you once she discovers REAL science!”

“Oh… uh…” he thought of how she kept the recorder secret. Saving the world wasn’t important to her. Would that mean she’d stop talking to him the second she was offered a way out of the hole? He… didn’t wanna chance it. “Let me tell her!”

“Ah! Showing enthusiasm! That’s my boy!” He shouted “Well I’m almost out of time on this call! Until next time!” 

The monitor floated away and Dib breathed out. He was definitely not gonna tell Leona about the conversation that just transpired. No way. No how. He tried sneaking out of there, when he found another person standing in the way- Gaz.

“Uh…” he looked around “How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough.”

He stared at her for a few moments, looking for an escape, when Gaz asked-

“Can we talk?”

“Uh… sure.”

They walked to the living room in their pajamas, dead silent. And for a while it stayed that way.

“So… are you gonna tell her?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

“How do you think she’ll feel when she finds out?”

“No idea.”

There was another blanket of silence between them, until Gaz broke it again.

“You know she just cares about the thrill, don’t you?”

“... Yeah… yeah… I know.” He remembered the recorder. “But… I don’t think I care.”

Gaz looked over at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Why not? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“Oh come on, you know why.”

“I don’t. I don’t see why she’s so great.”

“Well obviously…” He lulled his head to the side “I just don’t have anyone else I’m close to.”

Gaz’s eyes widened. She stood and stomped up to Dib.

“Gaz? What is-“

She punched him. Square in the face.

“OW! What was that for?!”

“It’s for being the worst brother ever.” She snarled “I’m never speaking to you again.”

“Gaz… are you crying?” Something was wrong. Gaz NEVER cried.

“Just shut up!” 

She stormed away and left Dib wondering what the hell warranted that reaction when he heard Leona’s slurred speech in her sleep.

“Dib… what the hell’s going on?”

“... it’s nothing.” He said “I think I just pissed off Gaz.”

“Tell me what else is new…” she muttered “I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah… probably.”


	18. Episode 10: Polar Bears

“You’re too late to stop me Dib-monster! Soon, all the Earth’s cereal will be mine, and the only way for me to give it back will be if the humans make me their supreme overlord!”

“You’ll never get away with this, Zim!” Dib shouted.

“Slow week, huh?” Leona chimed.

“You can try to stop me, but it’ll be futile. Skoodge! Pull the lever, Skoodge!”

“Uh… this one?” Skoodge pulled the lever. The machine proceeded to produce a comically sized boxing glove heading straight for Zim.

“Wrong lever!” Zim yelled as the boxing glove punched him across the room.

“Why do you even have that lever?” Dib questioned.

“Oh, you can’t possibly comprehend my complex reasonings for installing that lever!” Zim shouted while he barely managed to get on his feet and rub his face “Skoodge! Tell him why I installed that lever!”

“Is it to make the other lever not work? Because it’s not working no matter how much I pull it.” Skoodge replied as he pulled the lever up and down multiple times.

“What?! That can’t be!” Zim ran over- and past, probably still dizzy from the boxing glove punch, before turning back and running to the machine to inspect it. “No! My conquest! Nooooooooooooooooo!”

“... Well, I guess we’re kinda wrapping up early Zim.” Dib shrugged.

“Dammit. I was looking forward to this all day.” Leona groaned.

“I worked for weeks on this invention! It was going to help me take over the humans! Where did I go wrong?!”

“Okay, we’re just gonna leave.” Dib turned around and started walking out.

“What a let down.” Leona complained. Zim shouted Irken profanities and banged his head against the machine causing a lot more damage to his cranium than the boxing glove could ever hope to cause.

So, it was once again, a typical day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Skoodge saw Zim come up the elevator the next morning, he was covered in grease and soot.

“I don’t understand! I should be in possession of all the cereals right now! Where did the machine go wrong-”

“You’re up here kind of later than usual.” Skoodge observed as Zim was giving chase.

“Well of course! I’ve been working on fixing the machine! But I was interrupted because I have to go to the skool and-“

“Why don’t you just skip it?”

“... eh?”

“It’s obviously hard to juggle right now. So why don’t you skip it?”

“I can’t skip it! What kind of Invader would I be then!” He shouted. “Now! To skool!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim’s ability to be incredibly sure of himself, without having any accomplishments under his belt, only lasted for a week, which was strange when it had previously lasted for a childhood. Now it was always an accomplishment that kept him afloat. Skoodge had taken notice in recent times he had to make sure everything he did was an accomplishment. It was hardly the same person. 

So, when Zim came in, muttering about an assignment for skool that would take a week, Skoodge expected him not to care, but…

“Computer. Tell me all there is to know about polar bears.”

At this point it had become typical.

~~~~~~~~~~

Work on the polar bears project was only overshadowed by work on the machine. From home to work on the project, to work on the machine with all the usual energy and passion, but even that was wearing down.

Any suggestion of Zim to relax and take a break was met with yelling and scowls that were the embodiment of the saying “If looks could kill.” One thing was always true of Zim: he was stubborn as all fuck.

“My report to the tallest!” Zim shouted one day in the middle of his polar bear report, tossing the papers in the air “Skoodge! Make sure the live polar bear downstairs doesn’t break out of containment! I’m going to call the tallest!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the massive, the two tallests, Red and Purple, were in the process of making out on top of the dashboard.

“My tallest, you’re knocking over some important documents…” the navigator noted. That led to Purple looking the navigator in the eye and purposely swiping at the pile of papers on the desk and knocking them to the ground.

“Those are your orders of donuts…” the navigator commented.

“Well, pick them up! We’re trying to-“

“My tallest! We have an incoming transmission from Zim!”

The two of them made disdainful groaning noises.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Get it over with.” Red muttered, getting up and straightening himself.

The screen alighted with Zim, who was covered in grease and soot, and with his wig still on him, but hanging slightly down on his face.

“My tallest! I have had some major setbacks in my latest plan to conquer the humans. But I am working through them!”

“That’s great, Zim.” Red said “Thank you for your update and see you next ti-“

“The Skool has been rough! And I’ve been wearing my wig to keep Gir from taking it! Impressive is it not?”

“How is that impressive?” Purple asked, earning an elbowing from Red.

“... Eh?” 

“Never mind, I think we’re breaking up!” Red shouted, making signals at the comms officer to cut the transmission. He took the hint and the screen went black.

“Now, where were we?” Red asked floating back towards Purple.

“Eh. I kinda think the mood’s ruined.” Purple shrugged floating away.

He was gonna kick his ass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Not impressive? How is that possible?” Zim asked pacing back and forth, “I’ve been working so hard! But… I haven’t… actually finished anything have I?” He questioned “No! How can that be? I have to work harder! Harder than life itself!”

Hoo boy. Skoodge’s incessant need to eavesdrop seemed to tell him things were worse than he thought. This might call for desperate measures.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s hard to pin down the exact location of the abominable snowman, but I know for a fact he lives in Antarctica, Leona!”

“Isn’t your project supposed to be on polar bears?”

“Just a moment! Think about the implications! Think about-“

_ Ding dong _

_ “ _ I’ll get it! Uh, Leona hold on someone’s at the door” Dib threw the phone aside and burst from the couch landingin front of the door and opening it up to see-

“Hi. Listen, I know we don’t-“

Dib slammed the door and turned around.

_ Ding dong! Ding dong! Dingdongdingdongdingdongding- _

Dib opened the door and glared at Skoodge.

“What are you here for? Zim sent you to steal my secrets? Burn down my house? Oh, are you here to destroy the evidence I-“

“You have that same polar bear project as Zim right?” Skoodge asked.

“... What?”

“I was thinking you could work with him! Get it done together! Take a load off his back.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Dib put up his hands and waved them back and forth. “Why would I work with Zim? He’s my sworn enemy!”

“Because I assume you haven’t gotten far in this project and also need to step up your game in order to have a good grade and having a person to work with and help you would actually be a great idea?”

“... Nuh-uh.” Dib replied lamely.

~~~~~~~

“Hey Zim… I bought someone to help with the polar bear thing.”

“Eh?” Zim looked up “A polar bear expert? That’s perfect! I can drain all the polar bear knowledge from their mind and give it to myself so I can-“

He then noticed Dib.

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna leave…” Dib turned around and began marching out, but Skoodge caught him by the coat.

“Come on, Zim. You’re obviously not doing well on your own. All Dib wants is to help.”

“No I don’t.” Dib said snapping several photos. 

“... Dib could use help.”

“And why would I help him?”

Skoodge was slowly running out of ideas. 

“Zim, why are you so resistant to people trying to help you?!” He finally snapped.

“... Eh?”

“You’re always like this! Trying to do things all by yourself, because, I don’t know, you think the work is more authentic if you do it on your own, but that’s completely not true! There is no more value to accomplishing something without help or healthy habits than there is with those things! You need a helping hand sometimes. Right now, I think you’re feeling tired doing this on your own. So just accept some people trying to do things because they care for you.”

“I suppose… there have been cases where I… could have had some boosts to my greatness.”

“While we’re here…” Dib took a few snapshots of Zim.

“Hey, you’re kind of ruining the mood of the speech I gave.” Skoodge told the human child.

“What speech? I wasn’t listening.”

“Oh… I put a lot of thought into that speech, can I say it again?”

“DIB!”

“So I said ‘Zim why are you resisting-‘ wait was it that or ‘why are you so resistant’? Um…”

Suddenly, Zim was chasing Dib throughout the house, screaming Irken profanities, not at his machine, but at the bratty little kid in his house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Zim had Dib floating in a tube of liquified Cheezos to study the effect on humans, he was making up a list. 

“Why do I have to do this again?”

“Well I read somewhere that creating a schedule helps you manage your time and feel more relaxed!”

“Sounds stupid!”

“Are you telling me your race doesn’t even make schedules for things?” Dib questioned “How have you managed to conquer so many planets?”

“Question us again Dib-worm and I will change the experiment from regular Cheezos to flaming hot Cheezos!” Zim shouted.

“Well we do have scheduling on Irk, but not everyone engages due to not having the executive functioning-“

“Skoodge! Stop talking! You’re giving the human our weaknesses!”

“Oh. Didn’t notice.”

“Yes…” Zim slid up to the tank, “The human has many tricks and treachery. Isn’t that right Dib?”

Dib just lowered his eyelids in an annoyed look.

“So, I have an idea for how this schedule will play out.” Zim turned and marched back to Skoodge “Skool, then polar bears, then the machine.”

“Okay… and where do breaks go?” Skoodge asked.

“Breaks for what?”

“I dunno. Snacks? Maybe eat some of those Cheezos instead of wasting them on experiments. No offense, Dib.”

“None taken. Please let me go home.”

“Excuse me, Skoodge?!” Zim shouted “These experiments are important!”

“Okay, but shipments of supplies don’t always come often. What did you order for your last ration?”

“Um…”

Skoodge looked around and just started noticing all the fun dip wrappers on the floor.

“Did you waste all this months rations on keeping your energy up for working on the cereal machine?”

“... What about it?”

“Well, okay, we need to set aside a schedule for your eating habits too…”

“Doesn’t your species eat nothing but junk food?” Dib questioned.

“No, we eat snacks.” Skoodge informed him “Like nachos. Or donuts. Or Cheezos.”

“SKOODGE!”

“Right, right, don’t give weaknesses to the enemy.” He sighed “But okay. We have a set amount of snacks and a set time for eating them every day, and then maybe… watch TV?”

“That filth Gir engages in?”

“Well, maybe you don’t like Girs shows but how about something else. Dib?”

“Oh! You should watch Mysterious Mysteries! I take a lot of inspiration from it as a paranormal investigator, and lots of notes and I usually spend time watching- why am I telling you this?”

“Alright that sounds interesting! What channel is it on Dib?”

“No! I’m not telling you that!!”

“Okay… but see, Zim?! There are other shows! And other activities! We just gotta make room for them!”

“Yeesh, you sound so lazy Skoodge.”

“I was the first Invader to conquer a planet. Blorch. Remember?”

Zim sat there with a pouty look.

“Okay, fine. Put a few of those ‘breaks’ on the schedule.”

“Okay! The first one can be an hour from now! Until then, you’re nearly finished with the polar bear project! Why not finish up? With Dib!”

“I’m not gonna work with him when he’s experimenting on me!” Dib yelled.

“Okay, point taken. Uh… Zim? Can you let him go?”

“NEVER! He’s my enemy!” Zim yelled “And he shall rot in this experiment!”

“I’ll give you what channel Mysterious Mysteries is on?” Dib offered.

“What’s a ‘channel’?”

“Do you… do you not know how to change the channel?”

“... Maybe.”

“Okay, I’ll teach you how to change the channel any time you want IF you let me go home after this.”

“Done.”

Zim drained the Cheetos tank and let Dib out… the latter of the two immediately started bolting towards the exit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe I still have to help you, while handcuffed to your couch.” Dib whined.

“Silence Dib-worm! Anyways, here’s my progress on the project!” He took out a ball shaped device which projected a hologram of a polar bear going about its business. Dib would never say this out loud to Zim, but it looked totally awesome. “I’ve managed to animate many of this ‘polar bears’ activities, as a demonstration. Of course, doing so is a hard activity as I need to get the precise actions down-“

“Why don’t you just write something?” Dib asked.

“... Eh?”

“Write. Like with PowerPoint. You know what PowerPoint is, right?”

“Oh, I do!” Skoodge raised his hand “I’ve ehehe… tried getting a job for myself, so I used it to create my resume.”

“Show me your powerpoints…” Zim demanded.

“I can’t. I’m stuck to your couch.”

“Well, I can show mine!” Skoodge said “Watch this!”

A projector began whirring and the two classmates were hit with a hot pink background with lime green text.

“Skoodge!” A loud announcers voice shouted before an extremely obnoxious transition took them to the next slide “He has work as a soldier! And survived rat infested lands for several months! Whoa!” There was another transition. “And what’s this? He’s skilled with survival tactics and music! Give it up for Skoodge!”

There was a loud cheering noise and the presentation ended.

“So, what do you guys think?” Skoodge asked. 

“I love it…” Zim whispered. That had to mean something. Zim NEVER whispered.

“Wow really? Cause it’s kind of a work in progress and-“

“I SHALL MAKE THIS ‘POWERPOINT’ PRESENTATION! Dib! Help me!”

Okay, back to normal. What choice did he have? He was chained to the couch.

“Alright, just give me my laptop so I can work with you.”

Zim ended up spending time with Skoodge obsessing over transitions and fonts rather than making their presentation. But on the bright side, Zim had clearly done his research. Dib mostly copied what he was saying down onto his page without the Zim flourishes. Also on the bright side: Zim’s reliance on transitions and colors meant Ms Bitters would probably stamp him with a big fat F.

“Oh, I read online about how ice caps are melting!” Skoodge commented “Maybe there can be a slide on that?”

“Actually, they’re no longer melting.” Dib corrected “My dad put a stop to that. As well as all global warming. But thanks for the idea for a history slide!”

“Oh! Cool! Let me look that up!” 

Dib continued on his work while Zim leaned on Skoodge to investigate his findings.

“So this… internut. What’s it for?”

“Well, it’s a pretty easy way to learn about things.”

“PSHAW! Invaders don’t need to rely on the ways of some puny- oooh what does that say?”

Zim on the internet. That sounded like a slippery slope. Eh, he’d deal with it when he wasn’t handcuffed doing homework.

“So, Dib-monkey! How did your parental-unit reverse this ‘global warming’ you speak of?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s one of his first accomplishments. See all he had to do was- hey wait a minute! You’re gonna try and unreverse it aren’t you?!”

“Huh? Oh… yes! That was my plan!” He said before taking out a PAK leg and pointing it right at his neck “Now tell me more.”

Okay, he was gonna have to find some way to steer the conversation away from this if he wanted to keep his vocal chords. 

“Well… it was the big achievement that made him famous.” He said shifting away from the leg “I wasn’t around at the time though. And I don’t know when I came around. Dad kinda… forgot me and Gaz’s birthdays, so we usually just pick random times of the year to celebrate.”

“What’s a birthday?” Zim and Skoodge asked in unison.

“Wow, you don’t even have birthdays?” Dib rolled his eyes before the reality dawned on him “You don’t even have birthdays?”

“Pssssh! Irkens need no ‘birthdays!’” Zim mocked “But I still wanna know what it is. Tell Zim…”

“It’s just every year on the day you’re born you hold a little celebration. It’s not a big deal.”

“Seriously? There’s so many people on this planet!” Skoodge shouted “Seven billion! How do you celebrate all of them?!”

“Okay we don’t celebrate with everyone who ever existed. Just a few close people.”

“Humans and your filthy ‘closeness’” Zim hissed “Irkens don’t need such things.”

“No wonder you’re such a jerk.”

“I’d watch your tongue Dib-shit.”

As the two glared each other down, Skoodge popped up between them.

“Why don’t we put on some music?”

Skoodge clicked on the tv again to what looked like an Irken singing. Of course Dib didn’t understand the words but it was curious.

“Who is that?”

“Ooooh! That’s Koko!” Zims eyes lit up “Turn it up, turn it up!”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Dib said.

“Oh, she’s an idol for Irk.” Skoodge said “It’s to improve morale. Music and dance choreography is specially written by the control brains for those encoded as Idols and they perform for entertainment. As such, we’re likely to perform better in the field.”

“You have that to improve morale but you don’t have birthdays?” Dib questioned.

“Er… no… yes… You don’t have a birthday!” Zim shouted.

“Oh that’s some low hanging fruit, space boy!”

“Alright, music didn’t help.” Skoodge turned it off “But yeah. Why make such a big deal about birthdays if you don’t even know yours?”

“That’s- I mean… I just…” he tried laying down on the sofa which was difficult with the handcuffs “It’s important for a lot of humans. Just not for me.”

“Why not?” Zim asked.

“None of your business!”

“Your contradicting facts require an explanation, filthy worm.”

“Not gonna tell if you call me a worm.”

“Tell Zim…”

“It’s because my dad doesn’t care!” He sat up and punched Zim to the best of his abilities only catching his shoulder “The same way your Irken empire doesn’t care about you soldiers, my dad doesn’t care about his crazy insane son! Are you happy? Is that what you wanna hear?!”

Zim blinked at him for a few moments and spat on him.

“Please. Of course Irk cares about me. I’m their finest invader. To think, even on this pitiful planet, you don’t have any ‘birthday’... how pathetic.”

Rage seethed through Dib so much. He was about to go for his second punch but Zim surprised him.

“Well, what day did I first start skool again?” 

“Huh…?”

“Skool. When did I start?”

“Uh…” where was this going? “It was around the beginning of September I think. September… 4th?”

“Good. Then that’s your birthday.”

“What?!” Dib shouted “Why would I let you decide my birthday?!”

“It’s the day your awesome rivalry with Irken Invader Zim began.” He smiled cockily “So it’s a worthy day to mark the beginning of your life.”

… Huh. That actually made sense. When Zim came to earth he was just wandering around with nobody expecting anything of him. Zim took him seriously, was a serious threat he was stopping, and gave him a set goal in mind: save the earth. Show them I’m right.

“... Thanks.”

“I know. I’m amazing.”

Dib rolled his eyes.

“Okay space boy. In exchange, your birthday is September 7th. That’s when I first caught you without your disguise.”

“Eeeeeeh? Why would I want my birthday assigned from you?!”

“Just take it, you ugly freak!”

“Fine. But this transgression will not be forgotten!” He shouted “And Skoodge, your birthday is October 29th. The day you conquered Blorch.”

“Wow… thanks a lot for the-“

“NOW! Polar bears!”

Dib sighed and sat back. It was weird, but he kind of felt like he was just studying with a friend instead of his mortal enemy. He kind of wondered what birthday he could give Gaz.

He’d be regretting it when Zim burst down his door on September 4th for sure.


	19. Episode 11: Welcome to the Resisty part 1/2

“Okay! We have a planned set path for the next few days!” Lard Nar declared, “Any questions?”

“No siree!” Shloonktapooxis shouted “Except one. Am I guarding the prisoner again?!”

“Yes. You’ve handled it well so far haven’t you?” Lard Nar said before adding under his breath, “I’m kind of surprised.”

“So am I!” Shloonktapooxis shouted “Woohoooooooooo!”

He came to Cha Cha’s cell, balancing a hot breakfast on his head.

“Here ya go! Imported from foodcourtia!”

He tipped it into the slot and she quickly caught it and balanced the food before she set it down with a sigh.

“You’ve been giving me good food, but whose idea was it to have the armless guy serve it?”

“It was Spleenk’s idea!”

“Whoever Spleenk is, tell him his idea was awful!”

“The boss already does that. A lot.” He said, “But he keeps listening to him.”

“I guess democracy rules here.” She muttered while the robot with her devoured half of the rations before she had gotten through her first vort dog. “Can you stir up a vote for letting me out of here?”

“I’m sure if Spleenk suggests it it’ll be the first thing that happens.”

“Jeez. You’re a band of idiots.” She groaned, trying to outmaneuver the robot and eat a meal. “Have I mentioned I hate it here?”

“Yeah… but I have a question.” He said “What’s the difference between this and Irken prison?”

“That-“ she looked awestruck anyone would ask a question like that “What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Well… I kiiiiiinda remember you mentioning you originally thought you were going to Irken prison. So why’s this place so bad?”

“Ooooooooooooh!” Gir whistled, but Cha Cha stood up having none of it.

“Are you trying to convince me your little prison cell is a luxury getaway somehow?!”

“Uh… no. I TOTALLY did not mean that and am radically sorry!”

“I was in prison for making fire once.” Gir said “Then I ate the jail bars and spit them out since they tasted nasty.”

“Oh hey! Now that’s a nice anecdote-“

“I don’t wanna hear it.” Cha Cha snapped “We’re done talking for now. Shut your mouth.”

She sat down and continued her meal and Shloonktapooxis agreed to letting her have it in silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lard Nar usually spent his free time staring out the window into the void of space. He’d say it helped him think, but the only plans he could ever manage to think up all involved getting lucky to some degree. So maybe it was just to numb him of the fact that a few months ago, he just narrowly managed to not be imprisoned in an irken work camp. 

Well maybe that was a melodramatic reason.

“Boss!” Spleenk came over with a stack of papers falling out of his arms, “We’ve got several more rejections on our orders.”

“Ayayay.” He made circles on his forehead with his fingers, “At least Schloogorghs hasn’t wavered with selling us rations.”

“Uh-Huh…” Spleenk placed the set of papers in his hands down then began going to the ones he’d dropped to pick them up.

“Just leave them. I’ll pick them up later.” Lard Nar insisted, looking back at his regularly scheduled viewing of absolutely nothing.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Spleenk asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I noticed you stare outside to think a lot.”

Oh for goodness's sake-

“Honestly I don’t even know what our next move is.” He sighed “We vandalized the massive… and we managed to rescue the girl, but she’s not cooperating.”

“Yeah… but that’s an idea you came up with on your own! Without my help!”

Oh god, his ideas worked out as well as Spleenk’s.

“Confound it all!” He punched the air a few times “We didn’t even get to Irk in time to take advantage of the ants.”

“But we did something!”

“I guess we did.” He conceded planting his head in his hands. He honestly didn’t want the girl to die. He had experience like she had. Their planet was destroyed and all he knew were made prisoner or killed. If he could do one deed on Irk that day, it’d be offering the girl solace there were others like her who would protect her. But she loudly established her only plans were to report them and be on her merry way. He miscalculated sorely.

“Howdy hey!” Shloonktapooxis came up to them “I just came here on the way to the bathroom. You got any updates?”

“No… and make the bathroom break quick, who knows what the prisoner might do.” Lard Nar gazed into the nothingness but it didn’t look like nothingness. It looked like something was coming!

“Get the soldiers!” He yelled standing up “Gather them and prepare them for battle!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cha Cha was just indulging in the food. Actual meals had been a scarcity back when she was working, and they weren’t provided to her or anything, she just had them whenever she was working a job.

“You gotta stop hogging all the food.” She told Gir pointedly, “I don’t plan on starving in here.”

“I like it here…” Gir hummed.

“I don’t.”

“You just gotta make it have a bunch of flour!”

“You mean flowers?”

“Nope. Flour.”

A groan escaped her and echoed off the prison walls. “I still can’t understand half of what you say.” She had to wonder what was going on inside his head for these crazy thoughts to make sense.

All of a sudden, Gir flew and hit her stomach and she let out a retch as she felt the contraption toss her to the side, her body managing to make its way up the walls before being put back in place.

“Ugh!” She stood up and ran to the bars, grabbing them and shouting “What’s going on out there?!”

Without the floating cone she was totally cut off from information. And with her weapons confiscated she couldn’t remove the bars on her own. But she smelled burning. A kind of burning she knew from a source in the universe she’d infiltrated and murdered several times.

“Space pirates…”

“Ooooh! Pirates?!” Gir pressed himself against the bars “Lemme see! Lemme see!”

He pushed himself up against the bars so much his head popped out on the other side and- he made it out. He squeezed out. How long could he have done that?

“Gir, get my weapons okay?” Cha Cha instructed “Can you do that?”

Gir turned without speaking and ran off. He wasn’t coming back, was he?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lard Nar didn’t know his way around weapons. He was raised as an inventor, not a fighter. It was the other resisty members who’d been teaching him how to use a staff, which he still wasn’t well trained with. But the other resisty members hadn’t come yet, and he was faced with space pirates strolling in from the hole they had blasted in the side of the ship.

“Oh hey, look what we have here.” The one presumed to be the captain looked over the ship, crawling with whatever valuables the team had managed to get its grubby hands on in their attempts to live decently as members of a force actively going against one of the most powerful military forces in the universe.

“We are warning you…” He elected to do the talking while Spleenk, the experienced fighter that was carrying a blaster rather than a crappy stick, stood in front of him “Don’t advance. We’re willing to negotiate a peace and let you leave with some of what we have, but only if we come out unscathed.”

“Sorry, but we aren’t here for the goods.” The captain said taking out a parchment paper “Several sources told us this was an irken resistance group.”

Oh shlimps. He tried to think of good ways out of this while the pirates advanced inside, while also bringing Spleenk back to the safer distance away from them he was backing up to. 

“Don’t fire until the rest come.” He whispered in his ear. And come they did. It started when Hamiruh introduced himself by jumping off Lard Nars back and firing a storm into the crowd. Then Kyko and Shuria entered and began spear and sword fighting the pirates in perfect synch. 

“Now!” Lard Nar shouted, rubbing his back. Not quite the stance of a leader.

But Spleenk took orders anyways and began going off. Lard Nar joined, and soon Shloonktapooxis returned with Mezoda and Marin. 

“Ready Marin?” Mezoda asked brushing one of their ribbons to the side while Marin set up their canon.

“Of course.”

Mezoda pulled on their bow making an arrow appear, and Marin charged the canon.

“Tiro…” they spoke in unison, signaling the forces to get out of the way, “DUET!”

And a blast combination of pink and yellow flew out and knocked a good helping of pirates out of the resisty ship. There was still a large helping however… and… wait.

“What’s that robot doing out of the cell?!” He yelled “Where’s the girl?!”

“She’s having loooooooots of cake right now!” The robot smiled.

“The hell is this thing?” One of the pirates picked it up.

“Wait I know! It’s an Irken SIRunit!” The captain picked him up and the small robot looked in curiosity, “These things are rare on the black market.”

“I dunno… it looks kind of… not good.” A nasally pirate chimed in “Maybe we could sell it for parts?”

The captain looked down at the small robot, then back at the resisty watching more soldiers roll in.

“Alright, resisty. We’ll leave you be. But in exchange, we get to keep the robot.” He offered “Got it?”

The soldiers all looked at each other, then to Lard Nar for guidance. Lard Nar took his eyes off his opponents to focus on his soldiers, then the robot, smiling innocently during all this.

“Give it to them.” Hamiruh said “We don’t need to fight.”

“But Hamiruh! He’s an innocent!” Mezoda cried.

“He’s a robot. He doesn’t feel anything.” Kyko said taking annoyance in how the robot had begun to beatbox.

“I agree with Kyko. Living beings take priority.” Shuria sheathed her sword.

“... I would prefer not having any sacrifices.” Marin said “But it’s your call, captain.” 

Lard Nar left his fighting stance and dropped his staff.

“Take it.”

“But captain!” Mezoda shouted.

“Good choice.” The man took the robot under his arms “I wonder how much this thing will be worth once we split him apart.”

The robot seemed to look around curiously, completely oblivious to his surroundings. Then the captain turned and suddenly, blistering screams.

The robot activated jets in its feet to get away that sprung to life with so much fire it was a wonder it wasn’t being burnt. It managed its escape ramming into the captain to knock him off the ship, before activating a myriad of weapons.

Then everything went black.


	20. Update! PLEASE READ

So I found out my work isn’t showing up in the tags. To fix this problem I’m importing the fic with several edits over here https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809196/chapters/62692564

it’ll be one chapter a day and then I’ll start posting new chapters again. Thanks for understanding.


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